A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do i have to tell this guy im seeing about my past sexual relationships and experiences or does it not matter?... things have been going really well, and weve been getting to know each other, i just wondered if it was neccessary to tell him? He hasnt brought it up? thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Rule #1: No lies.
Rule #2: You don't have to answer questions, but if you decide to answer a question don't lie.
Rule: #3: Protect each other from STD's by getting tested. It's the only way to be sure that you don't have anything and even then you can't be 100% positive.
Rule #4: Don't cheat at any level...see rule #1...lying is cheating.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 January 2011):
 hi
he might never ever bring it up coz he might not want to get into a conversation where he has to tell you about his past. only tell him if he asks. if he starts asking details like sizes and performance, don't tell him, he has no right to know, it will not benefit him to know and if you tell him that any of them were bigger and better, he will be upset and maybe even jealous and angry.
i won't recommend lying but i'll be honest with you now and tell you that i have lied! i have been with more men than i am proud to admit to so if anyone asks me, i am 'economical with the truth' like if there are any that he will never find out about because they not local, i don't include them in my total. i know that's naughty of me :(
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): It's up to you and him what you tell him. Maybe he wants to know or maybe not.
The only rule is that he has the right not to hear any lies or purposeful deceptions. Tell the truth or say that you're not going to tell either way.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Unless it is of some practical relevance to him, I don't see any reason for volunteering that information.
Past is past so long as it's not something that anybody is still carrying with them - either in terms of medical or psychological condition. I only say that because I have met people that have conditions that it's good to be aware of ahead of time - nobody wants to pass on an std to somebody else and nobody wants to cause brain damage from an emotional reaction because of prior abusive relationships.
And even if they ask for a number of people or something like that, I'd not give it directly, I'd counter by asking why it's important for them to have a specific count.
The only time that any details about anything like that really should come out is if one or both of you have specific things that you like to do or have done to you that you would like to get from your current partner and they aren't picking up on it from body language when you're together. And even that doesn't have to come along with any type of a story like, "this one time, at band camp"... Names and numbers should be left out.
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A
male
reader, jonnyp +, writes (19 January 2011):
No! I mean, you need to have an STD talk, but outside of that, what you did before him is your business. Honestly, do you really want him thinking about how many guys have been in your bed before him? Chances are he'll probably get jealous also.
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A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (19 January 2011):
This eats guys up, im one of them my gf voluntarily told me all about her past and her and I didnt know how much it would hurt later, it took a long time to get over it and when it came up again she left some out and lied about things she told me previously, if he wants to know tell him the exact truth. You want him to love all of you not just the good parts, if he asks be absolutely honest dont leave things out as mentioned earlier he doesnt want to hear that stuff but dont run the chance of him finding out later some other way like i did...it sucks.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Tell him precisely what he asks you about - do not leave anything out, and do not volunteer anything. If he doesn't want to know, you can only hurt things by telling him. If he wants to know, you could lie, but then he would like the lie and not you. Much better to tell the truth and not be insecure about it.
Do not compare him to any previous lover, even if only to say that the new guy is wonderful and better in every way. He will assume you said the exact same thing to the past guys, and it will imply that you are, indeed, comparing him to them. Instead, just show him how much you enjoy being with him, in and out of bed, without comparing it to anything. It's "Good," not "As good as or better than X."
If you're going to be proactive, get tested and, if you're clean, and be prepared to tell him so, as well as having been tested since your last time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Unless he asks, don't tell. Unless for some reason it's very important. Some people just don't want to know, and don't like to hear about the sexual past of the other person as it only gives them mental images they'd rather be without. So unless he asks to know, and asks specifically, don't tell. I once had a boyfriend who without being asked would tell me about his sexual experienced with an ex... while getting intimate with me! Horrible timing, and I promise you I was not at all happy about it and would have lived a happier life NOT knowing that piece of information. So if you're planning to tell him "my ex likes it when I did this" then DON'T. No one wants to hear that much.
As for other types of information such as number of partners etc... don't tell unless he asks. Some don't even want to know that much.
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A
female
reader, cutiepiesensei +, writes (19 January 2011):
Well do you want to know about his past experiences? This becomes important later when thinking about the risk of contracting any STI or STD. If you want him to tell you then you should tell him. But make sure he knows (or thinks) that none of those guys compare to him and that you are clean (even leave one or two guys off if you have a lengthy list).
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