A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my now girlfriend over a year ago. I am thinking about proposing here in the next few months. We met on a Friday night, hung out, ended up kissing at the end of the night and exchanged phone numbers. The following night after we met, I ended up meeting some friends out, and slept in the same bed with a friend of mine that I have had a sexual past with, and that I've told my girlfriend about when we met. The night this girl slept in my bed, I ended up kissing her goodnight, after cocktails, nothing else happened. When I met my girlfriend, she asked about that following night and why I didn't call her I went out with friends, and weeks after us starting to date, she asked where this girl slept then. Not jealousy, just curiosity. I told her she slept in my bed, and nothing really happened. I'm afraid to tell her because this girl of my past, I have no feelings of, and to be honest, I was just thinking at the time that I was single and could do as I pleased and didn't owe anyone anything. I just don't want to be in a position that she feels threatened about someone she doesn't have to, and actually ending my friendship with this other girl. A girl that has since moved on to a serious boyfriend. since then, after getting to know my girlfriend like I do now, I couldn't ever be more in love. The more feelings I've had for her, the more sense of guilt I had about that night after we met. Did I cheat? Did I do something wrong? I have never been with anyone else since she became my girlfriend and have never cheated on a person in my life. I think my guilt comes from my girlfriend always talking about "love at first sight" and for me it wasn't. I was negative becuase nothing had ever worked out in the past with anyone. I tried to put it in perspective if she kissed someone the night after she met me, even someone that she had a past with, she owed me nothing, and I couldn't be mad, and honestly, if it was someone we both knew, I wouldn't want to know.I want to propose to her, but make sure that I'm holding something in secret that is OKAY to keep in the past and not defined as cheating.HELP!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 It's not cheating. You had only met your now girlfriend then and had just exchanged phone numbers. So no, you weren't official with her yet, and it's not cheating then. The reason you feel bad about it now is because you wish you didn't do it, because now you love your girlfriend so much. But back then it wasn't like that, and it's not cheating either. Don't be too hard on yourself. You wouldn't do anything like that now of course, and thats all that matters.
And yes, for your girlfriend it could have been love at first sight, but for you it wasn't, and thats perfectly fine! It's not bad at all! It worked out in the end didn't it, and thats what matters, that you are happy now and together. People are different, just because you didn't feel the instant love feeling your girlfriend did doesn't mean you're worse than her, or bad in any way.
It's fine to not tell her about the past you had with this woman as well. But in the case that she asks, tell her the truth, don't ever lie about it. But certain things we don't need to know, there's no point to it is there? Do you think it would change how she views you and how she feels about you? If it truly bother you I think you should let it off your chest and tell her so you wont have to worry about it so much.
Good luck on your proposal! If you do end up wanting to tell her about the night after you met then do it some time before proposing, that would be the best.
A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 leave it in the past where it belongs. Focus on how your going to propose and make it a memory she'll never forget. So any ideas on the setting and words? You can practice on us lol. Don't feel guilty that it wasn't your eyes that fell first it was your heart.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I told her about the fact this girl stayed with me, just never the details and mentioned to my now girlfriend, that I knew after we started liking each other, that there was no way I'd let another girl sleep in a bed with me.
Trashy? I would think that having sex would be trashy, but not something as a kiss goodnight.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 January 2011):
 It's not cheating. Seeing girls at the same time is trashy, but if you're not in a relationship, it's not cheating.
I'm confused about one thing, though. At the end of the second paragraph, you mention telling your girlfriend; the very next sentence says you are afraid to tell her. Did I miss something? Or which is it?
Either way, it's not cheating, so I wouldn't worry about it. Probably best not to bring it up, and forget it happened, though.
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A
female
reader, Denissia  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Well arent you being silly,once she loves you too and you feel a connection,nothing will go past her and she will forgive you in a heartbeat. Reach out to her,romance her,carry her on a romantic getaway,if she loves you,she will no doubt jump at your request for marraige and forgive anything. You will be happy with her,dont worry so much!!
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