A
female
age
30-35,
*offyale
writes:Hi, lesbians! I am a lesbian and I'm openly gay in the place that I live. :)Okay so, in my area, there are A LOT of lesbians and everyone knows one another. Like, I'm serious, every lesbian just happens to know EVERY OTHER lesbian.Well, every lesbian, except me. Right, so I am a lesbian, but I'm not in the "lesbian crowd". I don't really like hanging out with other lesbians. I don't like to go out and get myself involved in the lesbian scene. I know who the lesbians in town are, but I just don't hang out with them. I prefer to go to "non-lesbian" places with my friends and just chill out and have fun. I have two questions. My first question is:Is it weird that I'm a lesbian but not a huge fan of hanging out with other lesbians? See, I've gone to several "lesbian gatherings" and parties and all those times, only because the few lesbian friends that I have, asked me to tag along. Every time I go, I thought I would very much enjoy myself. But every time I come home, I'd realize that I actually didn't enjoy myself!My second question:Why do I feel so annoyed when I see lesbians on the internet constantly talking about how "lesbian" they are? Their Facebook status-es would be on lesbians/the L word/the real L word/whatever. Just about anything there is to do with lesbians, basically. Sometimes, I just feel like screaming, "I get it that you're a lesbian, I get it, but can you please just shut up already?" Seriously. I'm a lesbian too, but I don't go screaming out my sexual orientation to everyone.It also pisses me off when lesbian couples keeps "flaunting" their relationship online. Straight couples- not so much. Just the lesbian ones. It's not that I'm jealous of other people's happiness. I have a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years whom I love to death, but even so, I keep our relationship very private. In fact, we're both very private about our relationship. We don't put it out on Facebook at all, although there are several pictures of us together.And let me just say that I am absolutely comfortable with being who I am, or being gay, for that matter. I am proud of who I am, and I am very glad that I am out to everyone. I guess I just need help understanding why the majority of lesbians (like the lesbians I know) piss me off when I, myself, am a lesbian. It's like I'm hating on my own "breed". I don't really like being like this. Because it feels hypocritical to me. Sometimes I wish I could force myself to spend time in the lesbian scene and have fun while I'm at it. But as hard as I try, I just can't bring myself to do something that I don't like. I just can't. :(PS: My friends call me "the straight lesbian" because I really really stay out of the lesbian scene. I know labels suck, but is that how you would label me? And if there is a label called "the straight lesbian", how many other lesbians do you think would fall into that category? Haha are you one of them? Just wondering. :)Thank you, by the way for taking the time to read my ridiculously long post. :)
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 In response to your first question, it's not weird at all. I know a few straight girls who hate hanging out with other girls - at least, outside of their own circle. Some girls just get fed up by drama and status-whoring, and find it simpler and more tolerable to hang out with menfolk.
You didn't say if you prefer to hang out with guys or with straight girls, so I assumed guys, but if the lesbians are flaunting the way you describe in the second question, it could be a similar thing - the levels of staus-whoring are just too much for you.
Second question: same thing. Sounds like you just hate status-whoring and narcissism. Perhaps you're more introverted, or maybe you just prefer substantial conversations (ideas and events, rather than people). Or maybe you're noticing the line between *being* something, and *saying* something - the difference between having a relationship, and talking about it.
Maybe the girls are just advertising. It's possible that they gather in big parties just so they know who the available dating pool consists of in the event of a breakup.
Last question: Do you really need a label? I long ago lost track of the difference between lipsticks, femmes, dykes, and what-have-you. "Straight lesbian" doesn't sound insulting to me, so go with it if you like. Only problem I could foresee is that it may be difficult to track down straight lesbians if they're not "advertising" the way these others are.
A
male
reader, Mr Empathy  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 No you are not weird. A lot of lesbians have a chip on their shoulder, feeling opressed and in the minority, but that is just another form of insecurity (this is why they bang on so much about who and what they are). You are right to live life in a way that you enjoy with the people you love. And you still get to have naughty girl/girl fun, now, wheres the problem??? Mr E
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): I feel exactly the same coz i am but i dont go on about it to the whole world , coz theres no need i mean ive told my frends and why does anyone want to hear what you are coz no one really cares . where i live no ones really open about sexuality though and i dont know any other lesbains other than my self , but even if i did i prefer doin normal things wiv my frends too :)
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