A
male
age
36-40,
*rNonChalant
writes:Back in high school i was a big nerd, constantly overlooked by females that i was interested in, or just completely not seen at all. Its been 6 years since i graduated high school and, still a nerd on the inside but with a lot more confidence, and a lot more able to talk to females and get them to notice me at the very least. So whats the problem you ask...now i get turned down from females because they THINK im a player and that Im too big of a flirt. Where is the middle ground? i've always been under the impression that women like a flirty "ladies man". all the guys i know that are WAY bigger flirts than i am have way better results. what is the deal ladies?
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confidence, flirt, notice me, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Same situation. High school, I was a nerd, and then I had the lack of foresight to get into the sciences in college. Life's been better since then - fewer opportunities, but I can actually make things work now.
The middle ground you're looking for is the commitment-minded cool guy. Someone who *could* get any girl he wants, but chooses a particularl one, without seeming to be too invested in her. Most likely a retired player. Problem is, chicks have to be in a mental place where they're looking for commitment. Avoid any girl who uses the phrase "I've had my fun and want to settle down," like she was the plague.
They want what other girls want most of all. They want to feel they've stolen the prize from other girls. Successful players are the ones that make girls like they've won his affection for the night (if only for the night); unsuccessful ones look like try-hards who will bang the first willing woman.
They dig that uncertainty from the middle-ground guy. They want to believe he could have done better, since that makes him a catch. They want him to know he could walk, and choose not to because of how hard she's working at the relationship for him. The fear of potential loss is a much stronger motivator than the joy of having; the best plan is to combine both, in a completely nonchalant way.
Not sure what the best way to go about meeting these girls is, though. I usually suggest meeting them through friends, at bookstores, or in coffee shops - I've had some success there. But that's still a game of chance, meeting the right girl, no matter how cool you are. If ever ever discover the holy grail of places to meet good girlfriends quickly and easily, I'll post that here.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Just keep trying. Rejection is part of life. Each rejection brings you closer to the one who says yes.
With that said, I hope you're not the guy who hits on EVERY woman at the bar. Women don't like to think we're cannon fodder, you know?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 January 2011):
 They don't know what they want, and they always want something they can't have. They want the bad boy player because of his charisma, they want the sensitive guy who's in touch with his feelings and will be romantic, they want the nerdy guy who knows something about everything and is handy around the house... They want it all and none of it all at once. LOL
Mostly I just think they don't know what they want, but what do I know? I'm a man.
Ladies, I'm curious as to what you might say here too.
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