A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey so i have this friend she is only 17 and her ex is ruining her life she just cant get over him. She broke up with this guy in feb last year and he has treated her appallingly ever since. He went away over christmas when still with her and came home telling her he wanted to go home because he was home sick, it was later found out that he had actually started a new relationship and went home to be with her. He wouldn't leave her alone and was flaunting his relationship in her face, he then began badmouthing her as after they had been going out some time she became pregnant and had a miscarrige and he was spreading rumours and calling her horrible names for sleeping whith him. Even after having done all this she still can't see the bad in him she is always making excuses for him and says after everything they went through there will always be feelings. It is getting to the point now where she wont start a new relationship as she wants him back. I don't know what to do, how can i make her see that this isn't the best for her she can do so much better and that the things he did are unforgivable?
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female
reader, miley xo  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 babes i think it's so sweet that you are worried about your friend like this have you thought it may not be the guy its the situation it sounds to me like she may need to see someone about the misscarrige could be that that is what she is holding on not the man exactly as far as helping her gors i think you should just be there for her and be a good listener cause if you keep pointing out all how bad he is for her you may push her in the complete opposite direction in my opinion he sounds like a complete waist of space and not worth this poor girls headspace
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit is true and i am gay so hold no romantic feelings for her
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 The answer to this question depends on your motivation. Fortunately, this is all anonymous, so there's no shame in honesty.
If you are genuinely concerned about your friend:
Let her make her mistakes, and help her draw the correct lesson from them. Having one bad boyfriend hurts, but isn't permanently damaging. Developing a pattern of dating bastards is *very* damaging, both to her mental health and her long-term prospects. Help her figure out why she is attracted to him, and help her to see that those traits exist in decent guys (for instance, confidence completely unrelated to other people's opinions).
With help and encouragement, she can identify and control her desires, and channel them into something better for the next guy. Given that she already allowed this ass to knock her up, I'm guessing she cannot learn this lesson on her own, and actually needs the help.
Take this as an opportunity to observe what a girl actually desires in a relationship, as opposed to what they say they desire. The two are very different. Even if you can't help her (which is charity, not a duty), you can learn from her.
If you want her to realize that you, the nice guy, would be a better boyfriend:
I'm not sure if this is the truth (age says 30-35, which is probably a bit old for her, but the age could be wrong, or you could really be into her, who knows).
Escaping the friend zone is very difficult. Escaping the friend zone when your competition is an uncaring ass who knocked her up is impossible. Accept it. Refer to item 1 for how to help her, and in the meantime see if she'll hook you up with one of her friends. Take the oppportunity to learn that a girl feels special when a prick is nice to her, and feels nothing when a nice guy is nice to her. Even when the prick stops being nice, she'll remember the old version.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): ~TICKLE~
There's really nothing you can do Sweetie aside from being a good listener and allowing her to gain clarity on her own time. Don't be too consumed, as it simply part of the letting go process.
What I do suggest you do, however, in the interim is prepare yourself for the shock you unexpectedly meet the unanticipated moment you witness floating drunk above cloud nine, giggly with bucket from all the tweet tweet tummy tickles her tweet tweet new friend relentlessly soaks her in.
Relax Sweetie. Believe in my experience, your friend will be okay.
God Bless.
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