A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years has told me that I will always be second best to music and it will always be put befor me.What should I do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): What would you like to do? Its your decision. In a nut shell, hes saying he could live without you but he couldnt live without music, so you will always come second. Thats a hugely worrying thing for him to say to you, when youve invested 3 years in a relationship with him! Wheres the love?
If hes a gifted musician and its his profession. Then what hes said, might not be a surprise to you. But if hes just living with his mp3 player glued in his ears and planning for the next Reading Festival, then you need to take stock of your relationship and ask yourself if hes worth any more years of your life. If it is the latter, then hes probably just a dreamer and taking you for granted. In which case a break/reality check, so that he can reflect on what hes said to you, might wake him up!
A
female
reader, Fabulosa  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 He's being honest. He means what he says. How long have you been dating? If you got married and had his children would you and the children be second? Anyway ask yourself if this is ok with you. Are you ok with being second... to music? Its a personal choice. Only your know what you can handle and what your willing to you've up. Me personal would say heck no (if it was a long term relationship). I know there are men out there who would be willing to put me first ( and you to). But as I said that just what I would do.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Without knowing the context, it's tough to say. I'll take a guess, but if you post more info in a followup, my answer may change.
I'll assume he's a musician (or at least an aspiring one). Otherwise, if he just likes listening to music more than being with you, something's wrong with him.
To a man, though, sometimes the man's goals in life are more important than any one girl could hope to be. This is particularly true for young guys seeking to make their mark. It does *not* mean he would drop you, or that he doesn't care about you. What it means is that, if you tried to give him an ultimatum between his musical aspirations, he would leave you - and most likely be sad about it.
That's partly because he's so focussed on his goal, but also partly because he's decided that any girl who stands between him and his goal must not really care about him.
The only problem I could see with this is that, if he *always* chooses to spend time practicing or playing rather than with you (and I mean the vast majority of the time, not just often enough to annoy you), then he is not fulfulling his role as a boyfriend. But so long as he makes time for you, and doesn't cancel plans, I'd say it's fine. Presumably, if you've been dating for three years, he's got that part covered.
As long as he's not using a musical career as a way to cheat on you, I'd say accept that he's a passionate, ambitious man with a plan, and count yourself lucky.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): You have to decide if you can live with that. He has told you the truth and put it bluntly,in a way you won't misunderstand. Are you going to be happy being "second best" to his music?? If not, i think you have your answer xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): All you can do is decide if you want to come second best in someone's life and if you will be happy that way. If not then it's not fair for you to pretend it's okay and stay with him because later you will be resentful and demand more from him and he'll then resent you for that and push you away even more. If you want to stay with him then you have to accept you won't be his first priority and you can't give him grief about it from the back seat in his life. If you try and convince him to re-prioritize, he'll just see it as you trying to manipulate him.
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