A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Thanks in advanced for any help. I'll try and make this brief. Basically I have a partner who I absolutely adore and love and I believe whole heartedly he loves me too. He tells all his work mates about me and i really feel like he adores me. Since we've been together he's been very honest with me about aspects of his past, at one point telling me that in his 20s he cheated on all his partners including his 10year relationship. This particular aspect of his personality worried me and he openly shared explaining that he took full responsibility for the cheating and he just had lots of growing up to do. Which he assures me he has now done and is looking to settle with someone. I try my best not to hold his past mistakes against him (but it worries me a little). With this said I recently got caught up in my thoughts and snooped in his phone. I came to find that 4 months ago he had been messaging an old friend who lives in another country saying things like "I want to tuck you" and when she asked about me he said "she can watch.... that's what I love about her, she's very adventurous" etc. When I read it I wasn't sure how to feel. On one hand betrayed but on another she lives in another country, he acknowledged I exist and even said he loved bits about me. I asked him about it this morning and he didn't mind I snooped and said he honestly didn't remember who or what he had said to the woman, doesn't think he would've done it while we were seriously committed (which he did, we were 6 months in at the time) but that he will go back and check his fb and let me know who and what etc and either way was truely sorry. The idea he can't even remember and no chat has happened in 4 months makes me think it's just something silly and didn't mean much but I can't shake the feeling this is songs of his past behaviour. He's someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and I believe he wants the same. He has no problem talking with me about my worries r.e his infidelity but how can I move on and just stop worrying he's going to betray me. (Important to note he travels weekly for work so it's important to have tutus trust there)
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 December 2016):
 Nope he is not to be trusted. It is worse that he does not remember and it means nothing to him, that would lead me to believe he talks to women like this all the time, he just forgot to delete this one. If that was my guy he would be out the door. It is emotional cheating. He is telling some woman he wants to have sex with her. How charming.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2016): Your problem is that common sense tells you thgat leopards dont change their spots that easily and you think youve got a cheeter on your hands.But this is now a cheeter posing as a tiger!He's been upfront about how he looses intrest sexually and how it has sadly signalled the end if the relationship and perhaps you think he is tamed for now.Looking on his phone is a waste of time because a good cheater makes sure there are no messages to other women on his phone.He lists them under mens names or uses a different sim card or even a different phone.You say you adore him?Why is that the case?Why not see him as a warts and all humanbeing because that is what he is!Only his mother could think he was always blameless and some lads learn to wrap mumma round their fingers from day one.Think about you instead of him.Constant adoration is almost impossible to live up to as is constant suspicion.Adore yourself and then at least you get something out of it.Like this: I adore myself so I am saving $500 for myself.If boyfriend gets nasty, gets sick, gets together with Miss Leggy then I have $500 to spend on me or cab fare to the next state or money to see my godchild.etcAdoring a guy leads to them being very complacent about you.You adore him so much you do all his domestic chores and he thinks you are mamma so he starts looking outward from that base.While he is busy being the great and the glorious what are you being?If a bloke texts a woman he wants to fuck her then thats what he means but he thinks you are malleable enough to want to watch.Just be the person you think you can be and dont concentrate it all on him.It is an old text but it doesnt hold you in very high regard.How does he talk about you to his mates?Is it respectful enough?Theres two ways of saying it: she really is a girl I want to marry or there is the other way which is less respectful ie she always gives me a bj before and after sex and she lets me do it anyway I want it afterwards in the mehee and in the mahee.So although the text is history and he maybe the guy of your dreams dont go overboard about him until he really proves his worth in your life.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 December 2016):
 I'm sorry what?
Because he 'can't remember' telling a girl he wants to fuck her you think it doesn't mean much? No wonder you have these worries if he thinks is acceptable to send texts like that to other women whilst he's in a relationship.
Doesn't sound like he's done his growing up to me. Has he looked back? He he given you an update?
Put it this way, you're committed to him and It doesn't sound like you've been messaging guys wanting to fuck them so why has he been doing it? Sounds like you're going to have a lot of trust issues with this guy and it needs to be confronted head on imo or you're just going to be living in constant worry.
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