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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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I feel inadequate!
Q. Here I am..again. Now trying to stop loving my wife. During the last 6 months 3 of her former FWB have written e-mails to her remembering their pleasure moments...I found out reading those e-mails (not spying , given we both have open access t...
A. 27 January 2017: Why don't you ASK HER?
She is the only person that could answer these questions for you. All we can do on this website is speculate. Of course, you're also well in your rights to stop performing any sexual acts for her, but you're the one that cam... (read in full...)
I feel inadequate!
Q. Here I am..again. Now trying to stop loving my wife. During the last 6 months 3 of her former FWB have written e-mails to her remembering their pleasure moments...I found out reading those e-mails (not spying , given we both have open access t...
A. 26 January 2017: She's not a piece of meat, she is your WIFE.
She will do whatever she is comfortable with, maybe she was more adventurous when she was younger but she isn't anymore. If that's a problem for you then maybe you need to look at divorcing her.... (read in full...)
I feel inadequate!
Q. Here I am..again. Now trying to stop loving my wife. During the last 6 months 3 of her former FWB have written e-mails to her remembering their pleasure moments...I found out reading those e-mails (not spying , given we both have open access t...
A. 26 January 2017: I'm 25 and single so no, I'm nowhere near to settling down.
You're right, that wouldn't be love, but it would be cheating on your wife, so how could you even suggest that?
I think I'm starting to agree with aunt honesty that maybe you're the... (read in full...)
I feel inadequate!
Q. Here I am..again. Now trying to stop loving my wife. During the last 6 months 3 of her former FWB have written e-mails to her remembering their pleasure moments...I found out reading those e-mails (not spying , given we both have open access t...
A. 25 January 2017: You're really not listening.
Love is not related to orgasms and squirting. You have the attitude of a teenager with how you're speaking.
Yes, your wife may of had better sex than with you. So what? What can you do about that? She didn't want ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents are strict and I'm not sure what to do anymore
Q. Hi everyone, I'm kind of new to this so I apologize if this is a bit unorganized. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and besides the ups and downs we are very much in love with each other and even plan to have a f...
A. 23 January 2017: My bad, I read 'an only child' as 'only a child too'.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents are strict and I'm not sure what to do anymore
Q. Hi everyone, I'm kind of new to this so I apologize if this is a bit unorganized. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and besides the ups and downs we are very much in love with each other and even plan to have a f...
A. 23 January 2017: Your bf isn't a child, neither are you. You're both adults and can do whatever you please.
His parents can't stop him from doing anything. What are they going to do? Lock him in his room so he can't leave the house?
If you guys want to go on ho... (read in full...)
I feel inadequate!
Q. Here I am..again. Now trying to stop loving my wife. During the last 6 months 3 of her former FWB have written e-mails to her remembering their pleasure moments...I found out reading those e-mails (not spying , given we both have open access t...
A. 23 January 2017: Female anon is right. Orgasms and love have nothing to do with each other at all.
I have an ejaculation problem where I really struggle to finish during imtercourse. Only 3 people have made me do it in my life, but I'm not in love with any of t... (read in full...)
Due to see a dentist soon and feeling anxious about that. But will the dentist be disgusted about state of my teeth?
Q. I won't go into much detail about my childhood but I wasn't the best for dental hygiene and due to other circumstances which I won't discuss, it's gotten really bad and my mouth is horrible. I want to get it all sorted out and have a winning s...
A. 23 January 2017: Not at all. This is their job and they will be professional at all times.
Would you expect a personal trainer at a gym to openly call you fat? Of course not, so the same should apply for all professions.
Your dentist will have seen some very b... (read in full...)
My wife left me for her ex, who found her on Facebook and now wants to come back. Should I give her a second chance ?
Q. My wife was contacted by an ex on Facebook who first said he only wanted to be friends, then indicated he wanted more. She showed me his messages and told me they dated in high school and college and she broke up with him twice. The first time...
A. 22 January 2017: Not a chance in hell. She left you for a 'real man' now let her be a big girl and deal with the consequences of her actions.
If you take her back then you've basically set of precedent of saying it's fine for her to walk all over you.
You've ... (read in full...)
My friend won't say if he is gay or bi should I ask if I can give him a bj?
Q. I've never done it before but I would like to have sex with this guy I know, I think he is bi,but I can't be sure, I stop by his house every one in a while,I never known him to be with a woman since we have been friends five or six years,he spends a ...
A. 22 January 2017: Not a single thing here*... (read in full...)
My friend won't say if he is gay or bi should I ask if I can give him a bj?
Q. I've never done it before but I would like to have sex with this guy I know, I think he is bi,but I can't be sure, I stop by his house every one in a while,I never known him to be with a woman since we have been friends five or six years,he spends a ...
A. 22 January 2017: Not a singl great thing her implies that he may be sexually attracted to you.
If you ask and he's not gay then I think you could possibly be saying goodbye to your friendship. It would make a lot more sense to actually find out whether he's gay... (read in full...)
How can I get him back? Or has the damage been done?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me tonight and its my fault. I don't know how to fix this situation . I was with my boyfriend when 2 male friends who have a crush on me wrote me on Facebook. Ive known them since before my current relationship...
A. 22 January 2017: Sounds like a lame excuse.
Yes you could probably of worded the reply to the second guy a little better as it sounded to me as if you were a little interested. Nothing wrong with the message to the first guy imo.
I think your BF has over reac... (read in full...)
Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...
A. 20 January 2017: Who are you to decide what friends your boyfriend invites over to a house he will part own?
'I don't want to be selfish' - Well it's far too late for that. What are you expecting these house guests to do? Burn the house to the ground? Vandalis... (read in full...)
Should I support my ex? I feel angry and ashamed of succumbing to his desperation
Q. My ex and I were together for 2 years but in the end it became unhealthy and toxic. He became verbally abusive and was flirting online with other girls which made me depressed and anxious. In the end I had to go ‘no contact’ in an attempt to get ...
A. 20 January 2017: Leave him blocked.
You broke up for a reason and you've done well to get to the point you're at. Don't ruin it.... (read in full...)
Is it my fault I got put into the FWB category?
Q. I've always been a woman that holds myself with dignity and believe that I have a lot to offer a man in a relationship. I am in no way saying this to brag or boast myself but my personality has always shined and others have told me so as well. ...
A. 20 January 2017: Honeypie is spot on.
From a guys perspective if I offered a woman a Fwb and she accepted that's as far as it would go for me.
If you accept an arrangement based only on sex I think it really lowers your worth as you're saying: 'Yes I will happ... (read in full...)
Shall I tell him? Do I let it out or just walk away without saying anything ?
Q. Do you tell the person you love that you have feelings for him ? Despite the fact he is not that friendly to you and never indulges you in their personal thoughts and life ? I have been thinking about telling the guy I love that I loved him but ...
A. 19 January 2017: How do you love someone that isn't friendly towards you? I'm not sure how youve gotten to that point.
If you're no longer going to speak to him then why bother? Block him from your life and move on.... (read in full...)
She has no problems trying to crush my ego. NOW she says I'm bad in bed. How should I respond to her insults about lovemaking?
Q. My girlfriend completely criticized my sex. Said I suck in bed when she's been wanting me for 3 years saying that no one knows her body like me and she never felt this good before and blah blah blah. But as soon as she gets mad at me that complet...
A. 18 January 2017: You really need to think about whether this relationship is worth it. Doesn't sound great to me.... (read in full...)
How can I get my current Gf to trust me? I've not cheated on her. But I did cheat on my ex.
Q. I cheated on my first love two years ago with my current girlfriend. I broke up with my first love to set her free from my cheating ways. I still love her and check her social media accounts to see how she's doing but I never told her I cheated wh...
A. 18 January 2017: What more can you do? This isn't going to stop unless she gets help for her issues. You began in poor circumstances so I can understand why she's on edge, but its really not acceptable for this to have been going on for years.
You need to tell ... (read in full...)
This bothers me a lot. What can I do? Married nearly 15 years and now my wife is no longer interested in Bjs.
Q. Been married for nearly 15 years. My wife has basically decided that she will no longer perform oral sex on me. It's not like I was getting once a week, in fact once every two years is more like the current rate. When we first married, it was some...
A. 18 January 2017: Nothing.
She doesn't want to do it anymore. If a blowjob means that much to you it seems like you'll have to divorce your wife and find a partner than will fulfill your sexual needs.... (read in full...)
I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?
Q. My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...
A. 18 January 2017: You should ask him how his trip was and then carry on your life.
Why would you just assume he's slept with a prostitute? If I went on holiday and that's the first thing my wife asked me on my return I'd be questioning whether I wanted to stay wit... (read in full...)
Any opinions as to whether she is into me?
Q. There is a young girl who I come across frequently as she works near me and I am of the understanding she is straight. I think she has a boyfriend but I am gay with a girlfriend. I am just curious as to whether she is into me or not. She remembe...
A. 18 January 2017: I agree with SVC. You're in a relationship, why does it matter?... (read in full...)
He says my body is his.
Q. My partner of 3 yrs and i have a beautiful little girl who is 1. Lately my partner has been trying touching me and trying to penetrate me whilst we are playing with our daughter which i have put a stop to. He has started sayimg he can touch me ...
A. 17 January 2017: If he's only started doing this recently then I don't like to think what path this could lead down.
If I were you I'd be taking my child and getting the hell out of there.... (read in full...)
Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?
Q. I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...
A. 17 January 2017: It is clingy. No matter what spin you try and put on it, he is away on a vacation with his family and you're messaging telling him to reply to basically say tell me you're thinking about me.
Where actually is he? He may have no signal.
You kno... (read in full...)
I still feel embarrassed 8 months later.
Q. I expressed interest in guy that I was interested in 8 months ago but he turned me down. I felt disappointed but brushed it off and acted like it was no big deal. However, the long term effect was embarrassment. I thought he was interested in me...
A. 17 January 2017: It won't as long as you keep making it an issue, no.
You took a gamble and it didn't pay off, shit happens, that's life. Concentrat on more important things, why are you so embarrassed about it? At least you had the confidence to try it.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't post us on social media
Q. My boyfriend and I have been official for about 90 days. I have very few complaints about him- I'm extremely happy. We go out regularly and spend lots of quality time together and go on fun dates. But he has nothing about us posted on social media. ...
A. 17 January 2017: Yes you are being silly. Your boyfriend is being smart not plastering your relationship all over Facebook. The amount of times I've heard the unravelling of relationships because of Facebook and other social media outlooks is ridiculous.
He's ... (read in full...)
He ignores me. Feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Is there any hope for this troubled relationship? What should I do?
Q. What should I do about this relationship?. I will just tell you what happened recently. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year. There have been a lot of times where we have argued. He has a very short fuse. I feel like I am walking on eg...
A. 16 January 2017: Of course you're surprised, how often does a family member of your other half tell you you're too good for them?
I have an idea what you can do. Leave him and find someone who doesnt make you feel like this. ... (read in full...)
He ignores me. Feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Is there any hope for this troubled relationship? What should I do?
Q. What should I do about this relationship?. I will just tell you what happened recently. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year. There have been a lot of times where we have argued. He has a very short fuse. I feel like I am walking on eg...
A. 16 January 2017: He has a short fuse, a drinking problem and purposefully says things to lower your confidence, what a catch, I can see why you want to stay in this relationship.
When his own sister is telling you to leave him that's a big red flag. Would you seri... (read in full...)
I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?
Q. My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...
A. 16 January 2017: Why do you think he's going to cheat? What indicators or signs has he shown? Or are you just that insecure you can't trust him when he's out of your sight?
I've been on many holidays with my male friends and never once been tempted to pay for ... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend isn't really committed to me!
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I'm really unhappy. I feel like he isn't really committed to me, I'll give you some examples. He's messaged other girls behind my back and admitted he l...
A. 15 January 2017: So why don't you do as he says and find someone else?
How can you build a future with someone who won't discuss it?
Are you actually just staying with him because you don't want to be alone? Being alone is better than being in a relationship t... (read in full...)
I get pouty when we are apart and he doesn't text!
Q. MOD NOTE: 2 Submissions combined. I'm embarrassed to even ask this question, but how often can I expect my BF to text me when we're not together? A little background- we've been together about 4 months. He's very kind, patient, considerate, an...
A. 15 January 2017: Yep fair enough anon that makes sense.
I don't have any experience of being in a relationship so I can't really empathise with the poster and female anon, hence why it probably sounded harsh. I do however have experience with clingy and needy fe... (read in full...)
Do I stay with this guy or do I leave?
Q. Hi. I am needing advice. When I was 18/19 I got engaged to my ex, we were together almost three years. I was 21 when we split. I met my current partner within three months of my ex and I splitting up (my ex cheated and got engaged to s...
A. 15 January 2017: It sounds like you guys are on complete different pages.
I'd ask for him to pay back what he owes you and think about if this relationship has a future. You want to travel and he's happy with what he's doing at the moment. You want to be married ... (read in full...)
Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?
Q. I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...
A. 15 January 2017: He is travelling for god sake! Let the man enjoy it.
Do you not have anything to do in your spare time besides sit by your phone and wait for a response? You've told us that it's expensive for him to contact you, yet you're messaging him relentle... (read in full...)
What can do, I am still learning how to negotiate conflict in a relatonship.
Q. My relationship recently ended with my girlfriend of nearly a year. There was a falling out at my uncle's wedding where my girlfriend was heavily intoxicated and left the dinner table to vent to a bartender about things she did not like about my ...
A. 15 January 2017: Ignore her mother's comments. Her behaviour is nothing to do with you. I think your gf sees this as the only way out of the situation. He's too scared to apologise so has to act like it's your fault for not looking after her whilst she was drunk.
... (read in full...)
I get pouty when we are apart and he doesn't text!
Q. MOD NOTE: 2 Submissions combined. I'm embarrassed to even ask this question, but how often can I expect my BF to text me when we're not together? A little background- we've been together about 4 months. He's very kind, patient, considerate, an...
A. 15 January 2017: I've just read female anons answer:
"Even if he is with friends or busy, that would be an even better time to make sure he lets his girl know he has not forgotten about her. The guy does not have to text non stop or even a novel but a text or ... (read in full...)
I get pouty when we are apart and he doesn't text!
Q. MOD NOTE: 2 Submissions combined. I'm embarrassed to even ask this question, but how often can I expect my BF to text me when we're not together? A little background- we've been together about 4 months. He's very kind, patient, considerate, an...
A. 15 January 2017: You really need something to fill your time when you're alone. We see this question all the time and personally I think it makes the poster sound so needy and desperate. Why do you need constant communication? You start 'pouting' when he doesn't ... (read in full...)
He is still under her thumb. What can I do?
Q. Hello, I am slightly put off and rather upset at the moment. I live in a small town with my boyfriend of almost six years, and he... Well he is always dragging me over to his ex's place, making me spend the night, doing all her "to do" lists, and ...
A. 15 January 2017: How long have you been putting up with this? I've never heard of a situation like this before in my life. What kind's of things is he doing with his ex? Fair enough they may be on good terms but I think this is a little overkill.
You've explaine... (read in full...)
Being just friends makes sense but I don't know how to approach this!
Q. Hi everyone, I (23/m) met a girl (22/f) last year over the course of a job where we were both away from home. During our time there we became really good friends and it was after the time had ended (and I had broken up with a different girl) ...
A. 14 January 2017: i agree with auntybimbim. Just leave it where it stands, don't contact her and if you hear from her just keep it friendly but don't get too deep into conversation. If she ever starts to contact you s lot and it's making moving on hard, it may be ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has been secretive about his female friend in the past and now she's invited herself to stay with him for a week. How do I handle this?
Q. I [21F] am in a relationship with my boyfriend [24M] (Mike, for future reference) for a year and a half, but our problem started about 6 months in. We met on the university both studying physics so it was easy for me to become a part of his college ...
A. 14 January 2017: I wouldn't normally say offer an ultimatum because I don't believe a partner should be able to control who their other half is friends with. Although, you've told him more than once how uncomfortable you feel as you know absolutely nothing about her ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's still not over her. What can I do?
Q. I am in love with my boyfriend who is my first love, boyfriend, and overall first (in everything). However I am not his. This normally wouldn't bother me as much as it does, but his first was so significant to him that I'm not sure what my ...
A. 13 January 2017: If this is how you feel then you need to tell him.
You can't just go with the flow hoping things will improve because they probably won't. Just tell him exactly what you've just told us, give him chance to open up. If he doesn't want to then you... (read in full...)
Should I try to win back my friend after criticising her uncle?
Q. My best friend's uncle is making me feel uncomfortable. He is an older unemployed man who might be in his late 30s. Everytime I go to my friend's house he calls me names like "my baby, sweetie" which he normally does not use with any of the females ...
A. 13 January 2017: I agree with your boyfriend that she's not a true friend if she reacted that way. Her uncle makes you feel u comfortable, that's not your fault. You did the right thing in telling her and she massively overreacted to it. I don't however believe that ... (read in full...)
Could it be her using fake profiles?
Q. I would like your opinions about what has happened four times in the last four months, i have been on a dating site for few years now, I've had two girlfriends,so the one ghost me a year ago, I've ask a few women friends of mine about this, well I ...
A. 13 January 2017: Could be but could just as easily not be. I don't think any of us could give you the answer.
I agree with chi girl, don't reply to accounts with no pictures. It's also pretty easy to tell when fake pictures are being used.
Try and meet women i... (read in full...)
I want the words to tell him I don't want to just sleep him, I want a relationship
Q. Hey! So I've been dating this guy for around 2 months. He lives in Harrogate and I live in Manchester. We both drive and can see each other all the time. But he has just got out of a relationship literally a month before we started dating, he has b...
A. 12 January 2017: Yep, that's exactly what you do.
I've been in this situation myself with a girl I wanted to go out with and I can tell you it will only get worse from this point if you continue speaking.
Just tell him that you don't think it's a good idea to c... (read in full...)
I don't fantasize about other men so is it wrong that I feel upset that my husband uses porn?
Q. I've read a lot of information on porn use following some tension between my husband and I over his use of it . When we first married I did tell him that I was not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who used porn and he assured me he ...
A. 12 January 2017: I agree with brownwolf 100%. I've never understood why men would masterbate if they've got a partner, makes no sense to me whatsoever.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to masturbate?
Q. Being a sportsperson I masturbate , is it okay to do it? I have heard it decreases stamina etc..just please help ....
A. 12 January 2017: I think it's a myth. You'd probably have to masturbate thousands of times a week for it to have a serious effect on your testosterne. ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong? Is she being unreasonable? Would be unprofessional to tell her what transpired, when I was asked not to by my management?
Q. I was called into a meeting today at work to discuss something, which wasn't a HUGE deal but which was asked to be kept confidential until he other people involved had been informed. My friend at work asked me what the meeting was about and I sa...
A. 12 January 2017: Keep quiet.
I wouldn't put my job at risk to give out info that sounds like it's going to be released anyways when the correct people have been informed.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's cousin seemed so flirtatious... am I imagining it?
Q. My girlfriend's cousin lives abroad. When we went to meet her, I got on with her and found her very friendly and enthusiastic. After a while I got that instinctive... is she flirting with me? feeling, but figured I was imagining it because my girlf...
A. 12 January 2017: I'm with slippers I remember your previous post.
Are you hoping to read different answers? Sounds to me like you're hoping she was flirting or you'd of let it drop last time.
You have a gf, what would it matter if she was flirting? ... (read in full...)
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