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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 17 March 2017: That is NOT your problem. He is manipulating you. If you have evidence of him saying this then show it to the police so that he can get the help he needs, this is not for you to deal with.... (read in full...)
How do I stop falling in love with my best friend?
Q. I'm in love with my best friend at college. He's not your average stud bit of a stoner, very clever and it nerdy but probably THE funniest guy I have ever met, I could be having a really shit time and I'd talk to him for like 2 minutes and he puts a ...
A. 24 February 2017: As long as you're friends you will not get over him. If I were you I'd just tell him that you need to back away from him for a while as you've developed feelings for him.
This way he doesn't think you're being off with him and it also may make... (read in full...)
Should I message her on facebook, or should I just leave it?
Q. I went out on monday night for a student night and I met this really nice girl where we danced. I bought her a drink. She had a friend who was dancing with my friend but he left somewhere and I ended up going to see one of my other friends, but I sa...
A. 22 February 2017: What do you have to lose?... (read in full...)
I can't get in contact with my love who has moved on to another country. How can I deal with his absence?
Q. This boy that I have fallen in love with has moved to Spain and I have no way of getting in touch with him. Although he is back in summer but that's 5 months away. I'm worried he might find another girl whilst he's there and everyday I worry an...
A. 22 February 2017: He clearly doesn't love you, he left without telling you.
Forget about him and find someone who feels the same way that you feel about them.... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt my girlfriend but after 3 years I am not sure that I want to be with her
Q. How can i break up with my girlfriend? Im not sure if i even want to. We have been together for three years. We have been having problems recently. She told me she was not sure where we were going, that we were stuck in the same old patterns doing ...
A. 21 February 2017: She will be hurt no matter what, but if you're not happy you're not happy, what can you do besides break up?
Don't prolong it acting like things are fine if they aren't. ... (read in full...)
A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?
Q. Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks....
A. 21 February 2017: Loveforever,
Please enlighten us to where the OP describes anything you mentioned. ... (read in full...)
I fear rejection. Could his actions be a sign that he only wants sex, and nothing more serious ?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for some time now and it has been amazing and I utterly admire him but the thing is I don't know what we are. He is all sweet and kind and all touchy and shows affections when I'm with him even in public, he is very playful,...
A. 20 February 2017: The thing is with younger people these days that they want things to be much more casual. I think it's pretty rare for the male to bring up the 'what are we?' Talk, so unless you do I don't think you're ever going to find out.
If you ask and he d... (read in full...)
How can I talk to them about this? What can I do about my boyfriend and my best friend? He hangs out with her when I'm not present
Q. My best friend and I are very different people and we get on really well, even though I no longer see her very often. We have been friends for years. A year ago I helped her get close to a guy she liked who I liked at the same time. Things did...
A. 19 February 2017: I agree thinking it's really odd behaviour.
I always go with the philosophy of if you have to keep something secret then you probably shouldn't be doing it. Your BF and best friend meeting up and saying it was easier to not tell you seems really s... (read in full...)
How do I cope with a gambling addicted boyfriend?
Q. How do I cope with a gambling addicted boyfriend? My partner of 2 years started gambling a lot about 2/3 months into the relationship. Ive tried my hardest to support and understand this problem ive offered to go to counciling with him or pointed ...
A. 19 February 2017: If he's not willing to work on his addiction then you've already lost. This isn't your problem and I understand that you want to help him but this isn't for you to do.
Sounds like he doesn't even realise he has an addiction if he's continui... (read in full...)
Is he right to be annoyed? He was asleep, while I watched porn. He said that what I did was a form of cheating
Q. Okay so My boyfriend always takes the mick out of me that I want sex too much. I do like it every day but I don't think that's a problem.. Anyway, that's not the issue. Last night he fell asleep when he knew I was horny, which isn't reall...
A. 17 February 2017: It's definitely not a form of cheating so I wouldn't listen to that accusation.
If you openly declare that you'd like to have sex because you're horny and he declines he doesn't have a leg to stand on in regards to you taking care of it yourself... (read in full...)
I'm still a virgin with no dating experience at age 26, and I'm starting to feel like something must be wrong with me. Advice?
Q. I am 26 and am a virgin, have never had a boyfriend, nor have a I really ever dated. I have always just assumed that things would happen in their own time, and I have had two brief and non official experiences with boys (one for a few months at uni ...
A. 17 February 2017: Stop worrying.
I'm 25 years old and never had a girlfriend either and I'm genuinely not bothered in the slightest. What's bothering you so much about it? Having not met the one by this point in your life isn't important, you're very young still in... (read in full...)
I like older guys. He was respectful to me. But then his decision to ejaculate on my face bothered me. Were his actions out of line?
Q. I'm attracted to older men and that's what I normally date. I met this guy recently. He's 34. After exchanging texts for a while, we went out. It went really well. We had great conversation. There was chemistry between us. It was great all around. I ...
A. 16 February 2017: I don't think it's a red flag, it's just something you don't enjoy.
You weren't to know he was going to do it so I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, but if I were you I'd tell him that you didn't like it and don't want it to happen again.... (read in full...)
A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?
Q. Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks....
A. 16 February 2017: And how do you plan on going about that? That would be like asking a vegan to eat a burger. Not going to happen is it?
Has this guy given you ANY indications that he may be interested in sex with you or have you just made this decision?... (read in full...)
How can I find out if we are more than friends?
Q. I have known this guy for about 7 years now; we were good friends at uni but then we lost touch when we graduated. We recently reconnected at a mutual friends wedding, and have been messaging on and off ever since. For the past couple of months, we ...
A. 15 February 2017: Well you want more than a friendship that's quite clear so would you rather live being friends forever and watch him get together with other girls or take the leap and ask him out and potentially be something more?
Life is far too short not to t... (read in full...)
It's been impossible to move on from my ex. He's in a relationship now, yet is concurrently sending me texts. What should I do?
Q. im in need of advice, I am being confused with random contact from my ex. my ex and I have been on and off for years. Four to five months ago he disappeared to date someone else, broke my heart. i was always the one wanted to get back together an...
A. 14 February 2017: You'll never get over him unless you block him. He doesn't want you to forget about it and he's doing a good job of it.
Hes not worth your time, block him and move on.... (read in full...)
Should I just enjoy our FWB relationship as it is?
Q. I got out of an 8 year relationship last year, and recently I signed up for tinder with the intent of finding a FWB. I went on dates with a few guys, but the first guy I hit it off with so well, I couldn't bring myself to pursue any of the other...
A. 14 February 2017: Tell him.
It's really not worth getting in over your head developing even deeper feelings because you don't want to say anything and 'spoil' it. Believe me I've been there.
Get it off your chest, maybe he feels the same. If not you have your an... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's grandmother died, should I go to the funeral?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years grandma recently passed away. He's asking me to go to a funeral with him to comefort him. I told him I would feel out of place and not comefortable because I never really knew his grandma or other relatives besides his ...
A. 14 February 2017: This is for your BF, he's asked you to be there for him and I'm pretty sure at some point down the line you will ask him to return the favour for something and be there for you. ... (read in full...)
I like him, it's been 5 months but there seems to be no initiative from his side
Q. I met a guy a few months ago who started flirting with me. I did not like him to begin but then we got talking and I saw a really handsome interesting person. The flirting continued and I cold feel some chemistry between us, A few weeks later ...
A. 13 February 2017: Yeah he's not interested.
Who takes 5 months to ask someone on a date if they like them? Whenever I'm interested in a girl, depending on how the conversation flows I tend to put it out of in the open within the first 2 weeks that I see them in ... (read in full...)
I was an idiot to break up with her, now I see her all the time and she turns away ...
Q. Hi I was with a woman who I fell madly in love with we were together a year I idolised her and could see myself spending the rest of my life with her and she also felt the same I finished with her after she had a miscarriage I was a idiot I know I ...
A. 13 February 2017: You suck it up and deal with it. You had your chance and you broke up with her.
What about the miscarriage made you finish with her? Surely she would of needed you more than ever at that point?
Be respectful and leave her be, she has another ... (read in full...)
Our arguments often lead to physical altercations!
Q. ive been in this relationship for about five months now and things are definitely not the way i thought they would be. I care deeply about this man but the communication is limited. We get into arguments which some end in physical altercations. Both ...
A. 13 February 2017: Leave. It's very simple - Completely toxic relationship.... (read in full...)
How can I get my crush to notice me?
Q. There's a guy I'm interested in but I just can't seem to get him to notice me. I try to talking to him, flirting, touching, writing him some steamy notes, but he just won't respond. I asked him to our school Valentine's day dance and he turned me ...
A. 12 February 2017: Honeypie is right, you need to leave this guy alone, it sounds like it's getting borderline obsessive.
He's clearly NOT interested, if us random strangers on the internet can see that, then why can't you when you're the one doing all this stuff?
... (read in full...)
A year after breaking it off with me he wants my phone number, should I give it to him?
Q. So I have a question I'd like some help with. I'm really confused as to whether I should get back with my ex. I was with my ex for 9 years 15-24. There were no issues everything was great almost perfect but nothing is perfect I guess. I loved h...
A. 12 February 2017: I think you've made a wise decision. Just focus on continuing your success.
Best wishes... (read in full...)
A year after breaking it off with me he wants my phone number, should I give it to him?
Q. So I have a question I'd like some help with. I'm really confused as to whether I should get back with my ex. I was with my ex for 9 years 15-24. There were no issues everything was great almost perfect but nothing is perfect I guess. I loved h...
A. 12 February 2017: It sounds like you've done really well for yourself in not going into a slump after the breakup and I think you should be proud of yourself for that.
In regards to your ex I think it's completely normal to be facing this dilemma there's some fee... (read in full...)
I think he might want more than to be my friend.
Q. Does my male friend fancy me?. I have spoken to him about my ex boyfriend sometimes. He kept saying that I deserved to be treated better than how my ex was treating me. We had a night out last night. He touched my leg with his foot in a jokey way a ...
A. 12 February 2017: I agree with YCBS, how you feel is more important.
Do you want to get together? Give it a shot if you're good friends. If you don't then maybe just have a quiet word so he knows where the boundaries lie.... (read in full...)
Our arguments often lead to physical altercations!
Q. ive been in this relationship for about five months now and things are definitely not the way i thought they would be. I care deeply about this man but the communication is limited. We get into arguments which some end in physical altercations. Both ...
A. 12 February 2017: Leave.
Why would you stay with an abusive man? You can't be that desperate for a relationship to stay with someone that could potentially put your life at risk.
You also need to realise that you should not be getting violent either, that's t... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a guy who is insecure that I had sexual experiences before him?
Q. How do I deal with a guy who is insecure that I had sexual experiences before him? Is that even normal for a guy to feel? Early in our relationship, he was disappointed that I wasn't a virgin. Then he was weirded out when he found out that he wasn't ...
A. 11 February 2017: Yep, I'd handle it the exact same way you are feeling.
Everyone has a past, how can you change yours? Why would you want to change it? Tell him to suck it up or hit the road.... (read in full...)
I'm jealous that my male best friend had beenseeing someone!
Q. My best friend and I have known each other since we were 12 years old. So about 9/10 years now. We've always been best friends. Never argued etc.. he was there for me after my terrible breakup from my ex boyfriend. (He would tell me he will always ...
A. 11 February 2017: Agree with the other posters.
Why have you never given each other a chance? What do you have to lose? If a relationship isn't for you, then go back to friends only.... (read in full...)
Do I tell my best friend how I feel and risk messing everything up?
Q. Hi I'm a bi guy who is falling quite literal for my best. Friend. He's st8 as far as I know but we hang out together a lot I'm best friends with him and his younger brother I really don't know what to do and it's killing me. Do I tell him and risk...
A. 11 February 2017: I ageee with Duszj. I'd never do that with one of my male friends if I knew he was gay as that could give mixed signals.
You like him more than a friend and I don't think you'll be able to just deal with this looming over you forever. How will you... (read in full...)
I think the married co-worker I've been flirting with is just looking for a fling, but I can't avoid him because we work together. What do I do?
Q. Hi. I have recently started a part time job which i love. Everyone is so lovely but I have found myself flirting with this guy. We text a lot and he says very flattering things but he is due to be married in a few weeks. He has two children with ...
A. 11 February 2017: Tell him to concentrate on his fiancée.
DO NOT:
1. Get involved in a workplace romance
2. Get involved with someone who's already in a relationship
Both are asking for trouble. Keep your dealings with him professional and about work ... (read in full...)
I literally melt when the man I like touches me or stares at me
Q. Hello. I'm in my mid 25s, in love with a man at work. I very much enjoy my job so wouldn't risk it unless it's really worth it. The man is still playing the field and after inviting him over for coffee and a frank discussion it's clear we want ...
A. 10 February 2017: You want different things. Don't get yourself into a workplace romance, especially with someone who only wants casual when you want more.
Put distance between yourselves and keep it professional. He's not worth your time. ... (read in full...)
I need help to deal with new found info about wife's past. What should I do?
Q. My wife and I have been married for five years and have two kids. I have never asked anything about her past all I knew is she wasn't a virgin when we met. This past summer we were at a pool party and one of my best friend's from school was ther...
A. 10 February 2017: Are you seriously saying you'd be willing to throw away your whole life based on this guys memory?
Who even cares? Everyone has a past and this was before you were even with her so what right do you have to judge her for it? Youve probably... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 9 February 2017: Wow, you need to leave IMMEDIATELY.
This will not get better. He's lowered your confidence to a point where you feel like you can't cope without him. Who gives a fuck if he apologised?? That is assault and against the law, this is only going to... (read in full...)
Would ladies be interested in a night of hot foreplay but no sex?
Q. Question for for females who could possibly be open to casual sex or males with experience. I think similar has been touched on before here. You see a guy in a bar or wherever and are really attracted to him. Both agree to get together or go s...
A. 9 February 2017: That would be an extremely odd thing to bring up and I really couldn't see that being enticing for a female.
Either just don't mention it or don't go to bars looking for random people to have casual relations with.... (read in full...)
I'm torn between two guys. I'm wondering, what should I do?
Q. Hello anyone out there willing to give me advice. I seem to have gotten myself into a significant amount of a problem. I'm torn between two guys. One my High school sweetheart Man1 whom I went out with for around 4 and a half years. We'd always a...
A. 8 February 2017: Neither.
You broke up with 1 for whatever so you're clearly not that compatible and number 2 is insecure and controlling.
I'd continue your search for the right guy if I were you.... (read in full...)
Why did he use the word coolio?
Q. I apologise for a really silly question but when i was messaging an acquaintance about an email i thanked him and he responded with the word coolio. I didn't want to ask him what it meant as i felt silly but the only time i have heard that word ...
A. 8 February 2017: You answered your own question.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want me going out with male friends for drinks
Q. Am I in the wrong ? After recently starting uni I made a small group of three male friends whom I worked on an assessment with and we automatically became friends. We are all older than the normal uni starting age so its nice to have someone on ...
A. 8 February 2017: Break up.
Your boyfriend sounds insane. On what planet would his behaviour be acceptable? Completely out of line and controlling.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's sexual past troubles me, What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together for 8 months and we both are in love and have talked about a future. we both talked about pasts as well and got on the subject of sex. i was disgusted when she told me on how many people she slept with and...
A. 8 February 2017: Why would you even get into that topic of conversation with her? Stupid path to go down and you've essentially brought this upon yourself.
Like you said, she's been honest and not hiding anything so if you're not worried about her cheating... (read in full...)
He's verbally abusive. Consequences of leaving him concern me. Why do I seem to have the worst luck with men ? ??
Q. what am I meant to do? how am I meant to feel? what do I do? I ask these questions and I'm not even sure If they are the right questions to ask!! I have no one in my life that I can talk to about any of this. I'm feel alone and need to feel lik...
A. 8 February 2017: You know it's never going to get better.
He's controlling you by shattering your confidence, this is what makes it so hard for you to leave him because you feel like you'll never be good enough for anyone else. Believe me, you will!
Do you ... (read in full...)
I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?
Q. Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...
A. 6 February 2017: You've seen the evidence for yourself, confront him.
Why would you want to give him a second chance because hes atempting to move closer to you? Does that change the fact that he's cheated on you?
Will you ever be able to trust him again?... (read in full...)
Slept with my best friend, My boyfriend is hurt, help?
Q. My best friend Michael and I always hang out on his bed and play video games, watch movies, listen to music, do work, or just talk. Last night we were just watching tv and taking about past senerios and we hit some that are sensitive to me and I ...
A. 6 February 2017: Forgot to add. I think it would be pretty selfish of you to not tell your BF that you cheated with your best friend because IF he decides to forgive you, he has no idea whatsoever that you'll still be hanging out with the guy you slept with.
And l... (read in full...)
Slept with my best friend, My boyfriend is hurt, help?
Q. My best friend Michael and I always hang out on his bed and play video games, watch movies, listen to music, do work, or just talk. Last night we were just watching tv and taking about past senerios and we hit some that are sensitive to me and I ...
A. 6 February 2017: There's nothing you can do. You made the decision to cheat and now the future of your relationship is with your BF.
You give your BF the space to think, you discuss things over lunch and he decides whether he wants to stay with you or not.
... (read in full...)
What if the tables were turned? Am I being a numpty for agreeing to her terms?
Q. Hey just like to ask if i've been a bit of a numpty. I'm not allowed a facebook nor messenger not sure why but to make her happy i said ill not make a facebook. She has both and lots of people added like people she works with and even people she s...
A. 5 February 2017: Why does she get to decide? Is there a reason she doesn't want you on there? Double standards here and very controlling behaviour.
I'd be getting to the bottom of why if I were in your shoes.... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 20 November 2016: Stop letting him guilt trip you. Whatever he does is his own problem, staying with him for the sake of things is worse that breaking up with him imo.
He's a wreck and a very weak person. He needs to emotionally blackmail you to stay with him. You... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 19 November 2016: Listen, he is manipulating you. You're not happy with this guy and you know you're not, you're not doing anything wrong. You guys just aren't a good match for each other and the very fact that he's threatening to kill himself shows he's mentally ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 15 November 2016: You need to leave this guy, threatening to cut himself is NOT normal behaviour. He's saying you're overweight and need to change for HIM to want to stay with YOU.
If I had a girlfriend who dropped anything like that on me I'd be out the door and... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 November 2016: I'm not sure what you'll regret about breaking up with this guy. You'll find another boyfriend one day that loves everything about you and you'll look back on this guy and think what an absolute asshole, as that's what he sounds like.... (read in full...)
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