A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My problem is this , i have a male friend he knows i like him a lot and would love to have a relationship with him but at the moment he wants to be just friends (we did have a fall out a few week bk but i messaged him and we made up). i might sound very young but im not and have only had 2 relationships lasting 5 years myself. But he has 'issues' lets say, about commitment to anyone he seems scared to bring anyone into his family set up as tho hes embarrassed to have a girlfriend . Ive never met his family so dont know what theyre like . He seems to want all the good stuff but not the bad which we know is impossible after nearly 2 yrs of knowing him he told me he had an ex who hit him but wont say anything else about it fair enough. i was on a downer the other day and he cheered me up just by texting me throughout the day until i fell asleep. He has said to me a while back maybe be more than friends but when it comes to it he backs out but wont say why . So if he was to say that again i would actually take it with a pinch of salt unless he turned up to my house and said it to my face ( which he wont ) .My problem is this , i have a male friend. he knows i like him a lot and would love to have a relationship with him but at the moment he wants to be just friends ( we did have a fall out a few week bk but i messaged him and we made up ). i might sound very young but im not and have only had 2 relationships lasting 5 years myself. But he has 'issues' lets say, about commitment to anyone he seems scared to bring anyone into his family set up as tho hes embarrassed to have a girlfriend . Ive never met his family so dont know what theyre like . He seems to want all the good stuff but not the bad which we know is impossible after nearly 2 yrs of knowing him he told me he had an ex who hit him but wont say anything else about it fair enough. i was on a downer the other day and he cheered me up just by texting me throughout the day until i fell asleep. He has said to me a while back maybe be more than friends but when it comes to it he backs out but wont say why . So if he was to say that again i would actually take it with a pinch of salt unless he turned up to my house and said it to my face ( which he wont ) . I know i cant make him fall for me. and ive tried being the 'happy positive everyone wants to be with ' friend the 'getting on with life and wow id want to hang with her friend' just for him to see how positive life can be with me ,he wasnt too happy when i told him i had a couple of dates that was one of the times he said he wanted to be more than friends but nothing came of it. its like he wants me but doesnt want me but also he doesnt want anyone else to have me , even tho we fancy each other and have the same outlook its as tho itll never happen . do i lay my heart on the line and have a good talk or just give up ? life moves on and even tho i like him so much if he wont commit i know i have to move on . Thanks for any replies. I know i cant make him fall for me. and ive tried being the 'happy positive everyone wants to be with ' friend the 'getting on with life and wow id want to hang with her friend' just for him to see how positive life can be with me ,he wasnt too happy when i told him i had a couple of dates that was one of the times he said he wanted to be more than friends but nothing came of it. its like he wants me but doesnt want me but also he doesnt want anyone else to have me , even tho we fancy each other and have the same outlook its as tho itll never happen . do i lay my heart on the line and have a good talk or just give up ? life moves on and even tho i like him so much if he wont commit i know i have to move on . Thanks for any replies.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 December 2016):
 He was previously in a abusive relationship, therefore he probably is petrified to put himself out there again. Am sure it must be difficult for him to let his guard down. It is hard for a man to admit that a woman abused them so I guess it is taking it out off him.
But this is not fair on you and you should not put your life on hold. You need to talk to him and tell him it is all or nothing. It is not fair trying to be friends with someone who you have feelings for. Therefore it is either dating or no contact at all. Tell him why you feel like this and tell him it is okay to take a risk on you.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (11 December 2016):
 He's not ready for a relationship. This path leads to pain.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 December 2016):
 If you were going to get together it surely would of happened by now. I think he enjoys knowing that you like him as it strokes his ego.
It's not what you want to hear but I don't think you'll ever get what you want from him so it may be beat to distance yourself from him and try to find someone who is on the same wavelength as yourself.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 December 2016):
 Sounds like he wants you as a Plan B, a back-up, a safety net. He doesn't want anyone else to have you but is not willing to give you anything himself. I think you need to just tell him what you have put in your post, something along the lines of "Look, I like you a lot, I would love to have a relationship with you that is more than just friends. However, I am not prepared to wait for ever. You have to decide whether you want this or not. If not, then you must tell me so I can look elsewhere."Then put a time limit on it. Don't let him procrastinate and drag things out for months or years. Good luck. I hope he gives you the answer you are looking for, even though I don't hold out much hope from what you have written.
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