A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Desperate need for advice. Sorry for the super long story.I broke up with my ex girlfriend a year ago now. I feel that I still have lingering feeling for her. She was my very first girlfriend and for some reason I just can't help but think she was always the one for me even until now. For me she was the whole package, cute, smart and kind. She was always so kind to everyone to the point I got jealous of every guy she hung around. Along with other private issues, this ended in me neglecting her and soon breaking up with her.After our break up we both went our seperate ways and half a year later, I started dating another girl. Unclear to me back then, i still had unrequited feelings for her. Often I see each my ex on the bus and we have a nice chat. Since then I keep hoping and anticipating she catches the bus so I can talk to her like old time. I groom myself every morning, trying to look the best just in case i see my ex. Whenever the bus arrives at the stop and she gets on, my heart goes crazy. As she walks towards me with a smile I start getting nervous and my heart just explodes.One day she came on the bus with her phone on her ear talking with someone. She is very popular btw so i thought that was her friend. She waved her hand at me and sat next to me. She started laughing in a cute way that I missed and loved. It reminded me of when we were together, she would always laugh that way whenever she was with me back then. I eavesdropped on her making some plans for "tonight". Thinking maybe her friend has a birthday party. That was until when she was about to hang up she said "love you babe, Ill see you tonight". The look on her face was the one she use to have whenever she looked at me.My heart skipped a beat. I let out a strong face outside and said "oh how nice of him to call you" Inside, I felt shit all over and could cry if only she wasn't there. Thats when I knew deep down I still had feelings for her. Every time I went on a date with my current girlfriend, no wonder I always felt something was off and missing. I got depressed and neglected my current girlfriend as well. A lot of my plans changed like catching a different inconvenient bus to avoid seeing her. I broke up with my current girlfriend thinking it wasn't fair for her though I told her a different reason. Now that I think about it everything I have done since me and my ex broke up was to replace that feeling that she was still with me. I dated my girlfriend after her because they were similar, I took her to places me and my ex used to go. I asked my friend for advice and he said just to "keep doing stuff you used to do and don't let her change you and your usual way" cause apparently that way I can accept it and just get over her.I started catching the same bus like my friend said and like always she was there and sat next to me. I didn't think much of her sitting next to me cause like I always said she was this kind to everyone. We had a small chat about how stressful senior high school is and I excused myself because I wanted to sleep. Around 2 minutes after I shut my eyes I could feel her head on my shoulder. I was so happy and confused but I convinced myself that it was nothing more because like I said she was always this kind to everyone. Still that was the happiest I've been in ages even more than while I was with my other girlfriend. This continued for like half an hour until she had to get off. When she got off and smiled at me I felt a mix of feelings. Happiness because it reminded me of her warmth and sadness knowing another guy will feel that warmth along with her love, the way she loved me. Seeing her upload photos with her new boyfriend I sometimes end up crying and taking a long walk. I just can't help but think she is so happy without me and yet I'm pathetic without her. Still I don't want to confess this to her because I feel she deserved better than the way I treated her when we were together.So right now I'm pretty depressed and have been thinking of getting some good advice. I've stumbled on this page ages ago and I saw really great answers. Hoping to reach out to some of you guys, ill take any suggestion you have for me. Thanks!
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broke up, depressed, ex girlfriend, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 December 2016):
 Hmm so you treated her badly and now you accept that. Have you learnt your lesson? Nope because you went on to treat girlfriend number 2 badly as well. You need to stop treating girls so badly. Think about there feelings and not just your own.
You have lost your chance, now you need to accept that, change buses and accept it is over. Learn never to treat another girl like that again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2016): Hello.. You've written quite the backstory so I'm not sure where to start, but I do want to say that it is really good to see that you have acknowledged and accepted the part that you played in the breakdown of your relationships. It's important for the success of your future relationships that you have the ability to recognize your wrongdoings and better yourself moving forward. So go you for having that quality! Moving on to the girl. At this point, she seems to be quite happy with her current boyfriend, and from what you've said about her kindness, she doesn't seem to be sending any mixed messages. I think it tells a lot about her character that she is willing to remain friends with you after your relationship ended - and I can see why you would have trouble letting go. I think a new perspective is what is needed here. For the moment, focus on the positives of the situation such as - the past has not effected your future with her, you still maintain a great friendship, she is still comfortable with you, you have learnt a valuable lesson for future relationships, and also - you still get the privilege of having her in your life!I think that what is meant to be will find a way, so give it time, have trust in the universe. Your current situation is either a blessing or a lesson.Either way, one day you'll look back and realise, you win! Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2016): Hello.. You've written quite the backstory so I'm not sure where to start, but I do want to say that it is really good to see that you have acknowledged and accepted the part that you played in the breakdown of your relationships. It's important for the success of your future relationships that you have the ability to recognize your wrongdoings and better yourself moving forward. So go you for having that quality! Moving on to the girl. At this point, she seems to be quite happy with her current boyfriend, and from what you've said about her kindness, she doesn't seem to be sending any mixed messages. I think it tells a lot about her character that she is willing to remain friends with you after your relationship ended - and I can see why you would have trouble letting go. I think a new perspective is what is needed here. For the moment, focus on the positives of the situation such as - the past has not effected your future with her, you still maintain a great friendship, she is still comfortable with you, you have learnt a valuable lesson for future relationships, and also - you still get the privilege of having her in your life!I think that what is meant to be will find a way, so give it time, have trust in the universe. Your current situation is either a blessing or a lesson.Either way, one day you'll look back and realise, you win! Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2016): You will be feeing sad and down because she was your first girlfriend and it will take time for you to heal and move on but you will. I know seeing her happy and with another hurts but you will meet someone again when you are ready and you will be happy too. My son has split up with his first serious girlfriend after two and a half years together. He is keeping himself busy and I know he must be missing her but he is only young like yourself and will meet someone again.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (12 December 2016):
 There's nothing you can do I'm afraid.
You had your chance and you wasted it. She's with someone who it sounds like makes her happy and you need to respect that regardless of how much it hurts.
I don't think seeing her on the bus and chatting with her often is going to help in the process of getting over her. You need to work in yourself for the time being. Don't use other girls to get over her as it's not fair on them. Take as long as you need to grieve before getting back into dating.
It may feel like she's the one for you but you'd be together if that was so.
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