A
female
age
30-35,
*oobearbee
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 yrs I hadn't met his parents till recently and I found he hasn't told them about our child whose almost 3yrs old...how am I suppose to deal or take that?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): If you knew the ages of the other children then maybe you could figure out if he was seeing you when his other partner was pregnant.Do you get all the children in the same room at one time and have a little party for them now and again?Is it definately over with him and his missus or are you wifey number two!Youve been together for a while so you should have some idea of whats really going on.Do the grandparents help out with grandparenting and birthday presents and outings.Some people have love in their hearts and others run cold but your child deserves love and affection also.I am guessing that you maybe his secret mistress and wife may still be in a relationship.If that is the case you can determine your life as you see fit and that includes moving on and settling with someon else as he has not acknowledged you and your child and cannot demand comittment if he can never give commitment to you.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (2 December 2016):
If it were me I would thing long and hard whether I would want to remain in the relationship. Your boyfriend has been lying to you (as well as his parents) persistently and consistently for years..... and that's not okay.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2016):
 Well, maybe he was worried what they might think if he already has 3 kids. They probably gave him "choice words" for fathering kids left and right.
But it does seem weird that he is OK with having kids, but not OK with telling his parents.
I don't think it's really about you, but him and the kind of relationship he has with his parents. So it doesn't reflect BADLY on you. But it might give you a glimpse of what kind of person he ALSO is.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 December 2016):
 Wait. He's made another child with you and you didn't even know he had three others?!
Please break up with him before you have another one. He's an irresponsible sperm donor who clearly hides his children from his future baby mamas.
In future, *please* get to know someone and their family before becoming serious enough to risk pregnancy.
Run, OP. Don't stay with him. Get child support legally in place because he clearly doesn't stick around to parent all of his children.
Out of curiosity: how old is he? 4 kids by at least 2 women, if not more, *and* lying to everyone about them. He's despicable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): As I said, he's afraid of their disapproval, and I guess you just answered your own question. He has three other kids, and apparently they're not with you. He makes kids, and doesn't commit to being a full-time live-in dad. I guess he has reason not to tell mom and dad: "Here's another kid I have with another woman." He's a father many times over; but hasn't decided to be a husband yet. Sometimes parents expect those things, and aren't very happy when those values aren't fulfilled; considering the values they try to pass on. It's not on you, it's all on him.
It appears you had your answer all along.
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A
female
reader, Boobearbee +, writes (1 December 2016):
Boobearbee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been asking him to tell them for so long he kept telling me that he did but when I finally met them I realized he hadn't told them....he already has 3 other kids
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2016): Perhaps he's happy with the way things are or maybe he fears his mum will get over enthusiastic and want to plan out the child's life whilst you ate both still young parents.Maybe experience has taught him not to get his folks involved. Maybe they have a history of messing important things up.Maybe he will tell you if you ask him.Are you happy together, apart from this major glitch, and how is your child?Does the boyfriend want to marry you first? And explain after that to his family?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 December 2016):
 My guess is that they might not be impressed with a grand child outside off wedlock. To me it seems strange that you never questioned meeting his family after four years off being together. I take it he cannot be that close to his family? Do they live in a different country? You just need to talk to him and see what he has to say.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2016): Do they know now? What was their reaction? Are they of a different religion, race, or nationality? Are they wealthy?
As others have suggested, ask him. The most common reason is he fears their disapproval. If they are old-school strict and traditional parents, maybe children out of wedlock is frowned upon. They may be the kind to force him to marry you. He may be the family screw-up, and he didn't want them to know he went and fathered a child; but didn't marry the girl first.
That's not on you, it's all on him.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 December 2016):
 As honeypie said, he's the only one that knows the answer.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2016):
Ask him?
There are way too many variables for me to guess why he hasn't.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 December 2016):
I'd leave him over that, but that's just me. Maybe I'd ask him why he hadn't told them, but I don't think anything would make it okay in my eyes.Why did you have a child with a man before meeting his family? This isn't a judgement, but you must have got pregnant almost immediately.Your child is his dirty little secret. He's had 3 years and 9 months to tell them, but hasn't.What other details can you tell us, OP?
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