A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, Iv been talking to a boy I love for a few months now and we've been out together but he lives away from me, it's all being going great and he told me he loved me and it was going so well. He's now said that I don't make him Happy and he doesn't know what he wants. He's then said he's not ready for commitment. Then he said I love you I don't know if he's saying it to get in my trousers.. I dunno what to do because I love him and I dunno wether to walk away or keep fighting for him. He means the world to me but this is emotionally draining.
View related questions:
I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 December 2016):
 I agree with Denizen
This BOY is immature. He KNOWS that girls want to hear " I love you" but he doesn't know or doesn't WANT to back it up with ACTUAL action.
Wish him well and let him go, he has a LOT of growing up to do.
And while you CARE about him, that isn't enough to make a relationship work. You can't carry the entire emotional load and HE isn't ready or willing to share that load.
Lastly, if someone says: YOU do not make me happy" then they are NOT a good match.
Let him go. Let him find HIS own happiness and you yours. You deserve a guy who WANTS to be with you.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 December 2016):
 He is not ready for a relationship. It seems you are more mature than he is. He really doesn't know what he wants. I know it is heartbreaking but you can do much better and you should stop allowing him to treat you like that. Going hot and cold is horrible, and not how you treat someone that you love. Please don't allow him to get in to your pants as that will only make you even more heartbroken.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 December 2016):
 If he doesn't know what he wants then don't let him drag you into that mess. Wish him all the best and find someone that's on the same wavelength as you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): Dont let him get into your pants because he wont love you for it at all!He will just give you more mixed messages like he loves you but it wasnt what he really wanted and he has to try it with someone else who he hadnt mentioned before and you are just friends or fwb.Denizen is absolutely correct in saying that this guy lacks the maturity you would like him to have so cool down this young stud with the 'No!' as some people say.He will rapidly forget you within weeks if you give him sex.You will go on his experience chart until a new girl catches his eye.If you dont bed him or have sex with him he will remember you for years as the one that got away.Tell him he isnt making you happy and see how he reacts or tell him you want to get engaged and see if he dumps you first or goes round the shops or net trawling for a cheap ring.After that tell him you wanted a family heirloom ring , the one his mother wode before marrying his dad.Im sure he will say "You cant be serious!"You might get to hear rumours that you are a tough cookie to crack and no pushover but at least he will have to pick his puppy ears up before he takes you on a long walk down the garden path.You really dont want to have sex with someone complaining that you dont make them happy.It is manipulative to say the least if thats his technique.He sounds like a bit of a user.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): "Then he said I love you I don't know if he's saying it to get in my trousers."
As someone old enough to be your grandfather I can attest that a guy will say ANYTHING to a girl if he thinks it will get him laid, and "I love you" ranks right at the top of BS lines guys will try to feed girls.
As far as "I love you" don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES.
Telling you he's not ready for a commitment means he only wants to have sex with you when its convenient for him and nothing more.
Don't waste any more time on him.
...............................
A
male
reader, WickedPoet +, writes (2 December 2016):
 He is telling you clearly that you do not make him happy, he has no idea what he wants and he is not ready for commitment. These are major red flags that he is preparing to leave. Whether it is just manipulation to get sex is something you will have to decide. Do you think you need to offer sex to save the relationship? If so, then yes you are being manipulated to do something you might not want to do. That is not love. You need to respect yourself and he needs to respect your boundaries. He is only worth fighting for if he enhances your life. If you feel upset, worried and drained he is not ready for you. I know exactly how hard the situation you are in is. I know it hurts. But you need to let him go and work on yourself. The more confident you are in you the less you will depend on a relationship that is making you sad. That is not love. Think this over carefully and really look at his behavior now. Is he your best choice or is it more a tough habit to break. You might understand that you are remembering and holding on to the good times. But things have changed and he has made that clear. Now it is your turn to take back your power and do what is best for you. You are worth it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 December 2016):
 This isn't love, Hun. Proper love doesn't happen in such a short time, with no commitment.He's playing around with you and that's not nice. You've wised up to his actions and it's good of you to question them. He is messing you around. Cut him out of your life and use this as a lesson to try to keep your feelings developing slowly, so you don't get carried away and hurt by a jerk.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 December 2016):
 This boy hasn't the maturity to be in a relationship with you. He isn't ready for it. You have to detach yourself to stop getting hurt more.
He hasn't committed to you in the same way as you seem to be prepared to commit to him.
So put him to one side. Take what you can from it. He isn't ready to get serious.
...............................
|
