A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I been with my gf for 3 years. I see her for 1-2 days every week or two. Usually the fun for her wears off after few hours, how she treats me when I arrive to couple hours later. She never really does anything for me anymore, any cooking. I have to plan what to do during day, although I wouldn't mind staying in but she doesn't like this and nor does she have suggestion.I just spent my second night, and both are depressed still in bed midday. No one is even talking. She didn't want sex this morning. She never cooks, expects to go out to eat every time she is hungry. I can call a friend or do something but I'm not allowed to use my phone, have to give her 100% attention. I actually do not know where to go, so she is just lying silently in bed. I'm going back home this evening and I have work 6am tomorrow and will be busy next two weeks. It just sucks and hurts that our relationship is so boring. We are not made of money, we can't keep going out. Sometimes I feel like this is the end, but she wouldn't never accept that. Never met a unambitious person in my life. No aim in life. I'm getting so fed up. AND no one can suggest talking. She doesn't do talking , ends up in an argument.E.g. We Went to shops quickly, and she wore her slippers. Same slippers she wore upstairs and put her feet on bed. I said PLEASE don't do that they been outside. She said well I don't put my face on that side of bed. I replied okay but please don't I don't like slippers that have been outside where dogs wee and poo. She replied yeh but I did not step on any.Ahhhh this makes me so frustrated. Am I wrong? I don't like dirty slippers on her bed. But she got annoyed and angry and thinks I'm being fussy. So 99% of things she disagrees with and usually I have to accept. I met her at size 10. Now she's size 14, and wears same clothes every single day because of size. I can't say anything, she will go mad. I'm not hating it, it's jus I like to keep in shape for her. But she don't care. This is the same girl who can't eat same breakfast next day because it's boring. No offense but it's a recipe for a disaster future life. Please enlighten me. Please tell me I'm wrong because it's easier to fix myself than her. And I can't just throw away 3 years. And don't suggest talking. She jus gets angry at me for bringing it up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2016): You sound extremely stressed and I think you are affecting your life and blaming her for it.Of course you should end the relationship.I dont think you have any feelings left but contempt for her, and I should imagine she is glad to see the back of you when you go home.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2016): Thanks for the answers. I guess you are all right. 'Honey pie' well I don't expect a woman to cook. But if I'm working full time and running around like a mad man, than yes I expect her to cook and anything else domestic. If she doesn't want to do it, I can cook if she pays for my car, mortgage, bills, clothes and petrol. But considering she can't do that, I expect her to be valuable somehow. The money she makes barely covers her costs. I get paid much more, but I did spent 6 years working hard to get here. And I work 45 hours a week so yes I expect something from her. I can't come home from work to find her ordering food and getting fatter. She is unhappy. I'm supposed to save her. But it's so hard. I care about her.
Hit me again bb
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 December 2016):
 If you're not happy and can't discuss it what else can you do besides walk away?
Tell her it's over and block her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 December 2016):
 Seems like it's over and neither of you wants to be the first one to say it and DO something about it.
She is taking it out on you, and you are nitpicking her. BOTH hoping that the other says :"enough! let's end this".
You CAN say this is it, I'm done, this relationship makes me feel miserable. And then you walk away. IF you live together I suggest you FIRST find a place to stay (or ask the parents if you can move back in a while) if you don't live together it makes it easier. PACK up all the shit/stuff you have at her place. Break up and leave. IF she doesn't want to accept it, THAT is on her.
I suggest you CUT contact and block her after the breakup. Then TAKE some time being single and GET over the end if a 3-year relationship.
There is ABSOLUTELY no point in you sacrificing or martyring yourself because you have been together for 3 years. If it's not working, it's NOT working. and it won't be "throwing" 3 years away, I'm sure you learned a lot about yourself and relationships in those 3 years.
As for size etc... maybe that is part of why is is the way she is, she is unhappy with herself and taking it out on everyone else.
As for her not wanting to cook... So what? YOU can cook too right? It's not like because she is female she should be cooking you meals? IS IT?
But in all honesty, it sounds like this is dead in the water. It's over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): I would suggest being kind but firm. No contact after the break up-you have your face to face with her, you have one long, tough conversation and that is it(and don't be a coward and avoid this.If you each dedicated 3 years of your lives to each other you can dedicate one afternoon for closure).Then,sorry,but go your way.Not because she is unambitious (she might find an aim later), not because she is sloppy with her hygiene (could improve in future) but because YOU are unhappy.Just admit this to yourself and then move on.She might change but whatever. She is not willing to change right NOW so you can't really sit around waiting for the "maybe will change". Maybe, maybe not.I find that you can't force people to change themselves if they don't want to (and I have been that person minus the sloppy hygiene).One day she might want to,but not here, not now,not for you.One day she will change for herself. When she wants to. For better or for worse.But,now, right now, you can only change yourself. So do it.Be free ;)
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 December 2016):
 I have to ask, what do you actually get from this relationship? I can see nothing positive in your post.
Do you still want to be in this same position in another 3 years' time? Or would you rather be with someone who loves you, makes an effort to please you and with whom you can have a conversation?
Staying with someone because you "can't just thrown away 3 years" just sounds like you are afraid to let go and thinking along the lines of "better the devil you know". There is a whole world out there to enjoy. You are still young. Get out there and enjoy it. Stop making excuses.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 December 2016):
 It is better to throw away three years, if you want to look at it that way, than continuing this charade. Your relationship has run out of steam and there is no indication she wants to rekindle it.
It is time to call it quits while you both have your self respect and your sanity.
Don't look at your three years together as wasted. Cherish the good things, but acknowledge she isn't that interested anymore.
Sometimes you need to get rid of something to make room for something better. Be brave, be strong. Do what's right for you both.
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A
male
reader, avlon  +, writes (6 December 2016):
if you have dated this girl for three years m sure at the start of the relationship things werent like that .u need to give it a shot thing about the things that made her happy ,the honey moon phase has ran out n u need to get things fired up again . surprise her make her feel like she is special .n its ok stop getting mad for the dirty slipper or she has gained weight.try doing something thrilling that might help
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