A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Who do I really love?I'm 17 years of age and I'm in my final year in secondary school. I am in a love triangle(two boys).I love dude A a lot but he is a player and I've know him since primary school, he was my sitting mate in primary school. We have a lot in common and are best friends.I've had a crush on him since secondary school. He told me he loved me somewhere in April this year after he broke up with his ex. He told me earlier that he liked me but I didn't take him serious because I knew he was a player and a ladies man. We dated for like 3 weeks and separated since he had to go school, things became awkward between us ( we stopped communicating with each other for a while), as a result of him puttingt a pic of his ex on his profile and him expressing his feelings for her. However Dude B, is everything I think any girl will ask form a guy she wants to date. He is caring,honest, respectful and all the good qualities one wants from a guy. But I don't really know if I really love him. Though we are dating for like two months now. I think I love him but I'm not very sure. Dude A told me he loves me and misses me a month later, after seeing that I've moved on. The sad truth is I think I love dude A more than B because we know each other since we were kids, have the same circle of friends and share the same interests. Dude B on the other hand, is a guy I always wanted, we have the same interests though. The only thing is, I love dude Amore than B and A is a' fuckboy' and I also don't want to break dude B's heart.Help me please. I need some advice.Thanks
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, crush, his ex, player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 Neither.
You're excited by A and his unpredictable nature and you're not into B enough to give him what he's looking for, therefore I don't think any of these guys are suitable for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): Oh.. where is Dude B from ? I think the majority of the advice given here was under the impression that you know both Dudes A and B in real life, not just online. You're young - you should be dating people you ACTUALLY know, not with guys online.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): The other thing is:
I have never seen dude B before although we video chat and follow each other on our social media's. And kinda share the same circle of friends. And because I haven't seen him before I don't know if I can trust him in this realtionship(if he means what he says and does). I however talk to his old cousin (23 years) who didn't like me at first beacuse he thought I will hurt/break dude B's heart. But he now likes me and chat with and dude B together(video chat or group chat) and advice us once in a while.
I just want to know if I can trust dude B's feelings and actions because I only know him online and 'friends' with dude A although they aren't close friends just friendly(hi).
So my question now is can I trust dude B's feelings? And yes, I love him and I'm now over dude A. :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2016): YouWish, Thank you very much.
I was confused, but with the help of you all (advice) I now know how much I love dude B and I was and still avoiding dude B. I was in a little dilemma.
Thanks :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2016): Thank you all for your advice and opinion. I do love do dude B just that dude A was messing with my mind. Thanks to your advice, I'm going to stick with dude B. He is a good guy.:)
...............................
A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986  +, writes (3 December 2016):
I will go with dude B - he sounds like a better guy than dude A if dude A is a player then he is not the kind of guy you should date at all sweetie because if you stick with him then let's just say he will mess with a girl while he is seeing you. And you have feelings for dude B also since you and dude A ended the relationship with dude A. Dude B sounds like the right guy since he is very caring and treats you better. Be with someone who isn't a player at all. That is my advice. My bf of almost ten months is very caring and treats me better. My last ex bf sent me mix signals and we would fight a lot online and on our hangouts also before I started dating my bf whom I love and he loves me also. I woemail him almost every day. and send him songs on the sixth every month. Be with a very caring and generous guy and not an player at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): I agree as well, Dude B seems like the guy you should be with. I'll just add one thing - Life rarely turns out as it does in a romantic comedy where the bad boy is actually a great guy and the one for the girl. In real life if he is a player, at his age, he'll probably cheat and hurt you.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 December 2016):
 If you stay with guy B then you need to end your friendship with guy A so that you have a chance to be with guy B properly and not use him. If you are not willing to do this then end it will guy B and I bet guy A will be nowhere to be seen as he likes the chance. Just whatever you do, be careful not to hurt guy B if he is a nice guy, as it is situations like this that hurt people and leave them not trusting girls for life.
...............................
A
male
reader, WickedPoet +, writes (2 December 2016):
 In a way I am not surprised by your conflicting emotions. I think you should try to see the bigger picture here. You are 17 and about to leave the relatively nurturing environment of high school. I don't know what your immediate plans are, but maybe you are going into college, or the military or the job market. Whatever it is it can be daunting at your age. More will be expected of you, the choices you make will define your future, you will have greater accountability. I see these two guys as representative of the crossroads you have reached. The young man you have known for so long represents a much more carefree and less responsible part of your life. The other is what the beginning of young adulthood looks like. You do not want to let go of that carefree life and embrace the future. To me this conflict is really about you and not about these two guys. You need to decide if you are ready to move ahead with your life and welcome the opportunities you will have as you gain insight into who you are and learn to find someone that wants to help you become the best version of yourself. In the end, neither relationship matters as neither is about love. This is about you. Think it through and decide if you are ready for the next phase of your life. If you decide you are you will know that deciding between these two guys doesn't matter right now. Deciding what direction your future will take does.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 December 2016):
 You need to be single. Neither is love. A is manipulating you and B deserves someoneone who only wants to be with him.
OP, love is something you feel for one person (unless you're poly, but you don't seem to be). If you can't choose between guys, you don't like either of them enough.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 December 2016):
 Stay as far away from "Dude A" as possible. The reason you're drawn to him is because of your maturity level, being 17. That's not a slam on your age, but it *is* the "bad boy" allure that ends up causing major damage to you in both the short and long run.
Here's why:
Dude A is using the "Love" word as a manipulation tactic on you and WILL cheat on you without a single shred of remorse. He does not love you. He only loves what you will give to him, and that means sex. People like him are also apt to be fast and loose with not only cheating, but disregarding of any form of birth control or STI protection, meaning that for him, the condom breaking (assuming he doesn't try to manipulate you into not using one) is just fine, and you're the one left pregnant.
You're also only a conquest to Dude A, and the fact that you're messing around with Dude A WHILE DATING Dude B means that you don't know what love is either. How would you like to be with a guy who is going behind your back to get with his ex or someone else?? First rule of relationships is to BE FAITHFUL!
In my opinion, stop talking to Dude A, and either be ALL-IN with Dude B, or drop them both. Love isn't a toy or game. Real people get hurt. That hurt can be lasting, and in the case of STI or pregnancy, the consequences are permanent. Never cheat or do anything remotely unfaithful to a guy you're dating. Ever want to turn a fantastic guy into a bitter, angry, vengeful guy? Stomp on his heart with high heels on. Spurn his love for you by cheating.
No. Dude A may be your longtime friend, but that guy is worthless. Soon as he steals you from Dude B, he'll use you and drop you flat on your face.
...............................
|
