A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How long does it take to get over someone if you've been seeing each other for six + years? We were never married but we were carrying on a fun and exciting relationship with affection galore!She began pulling away the last year or so and decided that she wasn't happy, so it was time to move on. She did the exact same thing to her ex husband who adored her and with whom she had a great life, although something in the relationship lost it's luster which resulted in her losing major respect for him ( if you can read between the lines). But all that's neither here nor there I guess becuase it's not about her angelic persona that belies her Siren(s)-like demeanor; it's about me getting over her. Since I have no problem at all in the dating environment and am well versed in the "game" so to speak, I assumed that I was doing really well and getting over the heartache of losing her. However, I was notified by someone about here new relationship that included a visual cue....I was absolutely devastated and so hurt; it felt like a I regressed 6 months to a year! It's horrible.I'm not friends with her on facebook, and I don't talk to her or check up on her if that makes sense. I've dated about eight attractive women since we broke up and am still seeing a FWB that I've know for many years. So how is it possible that I'm so distraught and anxious having found about her new life? I obviously loved this woman a lot more than I thought.The anxiety and that churning feeling in my stomach is manifesting itself again, even tho I've followed all the no contact rules. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 November 2016):
 Yes it can be shocking to realize that it still hurts you so much. Especially since you felt you where in a good place. But seeing something brings it to reality and you where simply not ready to see her looking happy with someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ aunt - that's the downside of social media I guess. Even if you're not linked to someone, you can still pictures and posts shared by mutual connections. My reaction was a shock to me. It's confounding to me that a relationship that has ended for some time could still evoke strong emotions based on some visual cue.
@N91 - thanks for the suggestion. I will look into your recommended action plan for sure.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (29 November 2016):
You where doing a great job getting over her, you where following all the 'rules'. But you where not expecting to hear that she is now in another relationship. That is going to set you back, it is going to remind you off the good times, it reminds you off what you have lost. It is normal to feel heartbroken. To know that she has moved on.
But you need to deal with it. Ask your friends not to share any information on your ex as you don't need to know. Then carry on what you where doing. Keep yourself busy. Spend more time with your FWB go out with friends. Let it go.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 November 2016):
 I'm currently working on getting over someone also and having difficulty. I received some advice from a user here on this website named cindycares. She said:
'So : you want to start your day with no baggage , so to speak, which is hard to do when you have in the back of your mind that nagging feeling that something is not right because blah blah. You need to spit it out, to cleanse yourself. So, not only you give yourself permission to moan, but you commit to do it punctually, consciously and regularly for a month, first thing in the morning. This is important, it is literally the first thing you have got do do as soon as you open your eyes, before you shower, have breakfast or whatever. Put the clock back 30 minutes, and as soon as you wake up , grab the note pad that you will be keeping on your nightstand, grab a pen, ( yes to have to write, not type ) and start writing, stream of consciousness style, no punctuation, don't worry about grammar or spelling, just spill your guts out on paper : " Oh I am so unhappy why oh why she did this to me " blah blah blah. Do not THINK; i.e. do not try to be coherent or politically correct or objective - just spit out whatever you feel in the momenr. Never stop, for 30 minutes. After which, you go about your business as usual.
Rinse and repeat... for 30 days.
You will notice a few things : that you may get flashes of insight about your problem , which you had not thought before ( why she did X, why you did Y, how to solve your problem of moving on faster, .... ); that you'll be anyway more relaxed and more functional in your daily life, because since your brain has " vomited " out first thing the thoughts that have been lurking in it and nagging at you all the time, - now it's emptier and more open to other ideas, other sensations that those limked to the loss of this r/ship; that in a month ( well, way before actually ), you are sick and tired of thinking about this, you have exhausted the subject from all the angles, and , consciously or not, your brain can't wait to focus on other stuff , and to go in other directions.'
I'm currently one week into it and feeling as though it helps stop you thinking about it as much during the day as you're thinking about it for an intense period in the morning.
If you do decide to give it a go I will add that you should rip up and throw away what you write each day, do not read it. You've got all the feelings that you were thinking out at that time therefore they're said and done and don't need to be revisited.
Of course it hurts to hear that someone you care deeply about is seeing someone else. I dealt with it myself a few weeks ago, but it would be very naive to expect that news wouldn't be coming sometime. It gets easier with time, we have our setbacks be we will get there, don't worry.
Hope this helps
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