A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do, ive been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we've lived together for about 5 months, he's mostly a really nice guy, but he doesn't show me any emotional support whatsoever, i have told him i need him to emotionally support me, but when ever i get up set over anything, he tells me to leave and go back where i came from, he acts like he doesn't care if he's with me or not, he belittles me and calls me and emo for expressing how i feel to him, he says he doesn't care, and doesn't care what i think about him.... i can never talk to him about anything, he thinks he's perfect, he always tells me im fucked in the head, and im twisted, he knows im struggling with getting on top of me depression that im medicated for, he knows im embarassed about it but yet he calls me fucked in the head and says he doesn't have to put with me being upset and he apparently doesn't deserve what i put him through.. all i want to do is tell him when im feeling bad, or if something he does upsets me but i can't he wont listen. i love him so much, i don't want to give up but don't know what to do anymore. he makes me feel horrible about myself, like im not good enough and he acts like he knows it. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Josh44  +, writes (30 November 2016):
you should realize you can be happy but not with him that might be hard to take but i think it is true,there are so many people out there don't go looking the right one will just show up relax and enjoy every day if you can be happy alone you will find people will just seem to find you take your time you are far more special then you think and the right person will see that
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 November 2016):
In your head...How do you see a man treating you? Is this what you imagine it should be? If none of this is what you want it to be, or imagine it should be...then why are you still in this situation?
Should we blame your boyfriend for making you feel bad about yourself? Or should we blame you for sticking around someone who makes you feel bad about yourself?
If you put your hand on a hot stove knowing it's hot, and you get burned...do you blame the stove?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2016): Oh sweetie, he does not love you. You cannot love him enough for the both of you. And your love for him cannot fix him nor can it fix your relationship. It takes two people on the same emotional level to make a relationship work. One person cannot be doing all the work. It needs to be even. If one person is always expecting and the other is never giving, then it is going to result in one person always being unhappy. That person is you.
I think you need to think with your head and not your heart right now.
It is hard because you love him. I know. And you want to forgive him. Believe in him. Keep giving him chances to change. But he won't change. He will keep treating you like garbage. He is emotionally distant and this is his way of abusing you. He is withholding love and affection from you, which you really do need. And most boyfriends would be emotionally supportive. But he is cold and unfeeling. He has a problem. Not you. I am not sure how he got this way but that is his problem. Not yours. Stop trying to figure him out. Or forgiving him. Whenever anyone makes you feel bad about yourself, it's time to leave. It might hurt at first, maybe for a long time. But eventually you will be happy again. And your heart will be ready for the man who will love you like you deserve. Never settle for less than you are worth. You are going to waste years with this guy feeling miserable and bad about yourself. He will never change. He is insecure and does not love himself. He is being mean and cold to control you and manipulate you. He wants to bring you down so that you keep coming back and begging for his love. That is not love. He may show you his nice side after the abuse but that is just to reel you back in. Until the next episode of abuse. It is a cycle. And it does not stop. Love yourself enough to treat yourself right. Get out. Take time to heal. Find somebody to talk to. And once this storm passes, you will see light. I promise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2016): Sometimes things get said that are very unpleasant during ab arguement and this can create a reaction in either partner, but it does not mean that is how you should see yourself.
Most people are aiming for a relationship that moves forwards on kindness and a genuine interest in their partners needs.When the situation becomes intolerable they may separate or agree to stopping the arguing and trying to be happy again together.
If you have enough you should leave him but the decision has to come from within yourself.
An outsider cannot live your life for you.
You may find that depression clouds your judgement so that taking a week or so to reassess the situation can be valuable providing you are in no imminent danger from yourself or anyone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2016): He is showing you a pattern of abuse by being nasty or nice as and when it suits him.He is thinking of himself and belittling you is a way to undermine your confidence so that you have a feeling of little or no value.He doesnt intend to support you.He intends to build you up and drop you hard because that process works for him.He is contemptuous when you ask him for emotional support because he expects you to understand its all about him.He will lie to you and cheat on you and tell you he loves you all on the same day because that is how he wants to move forward in life.While he is being horrible to you he will be wonderful to someone else.If you leave him you will find your own equilibrium again but it will take time.At least 2 to 3 months to feel normal again because he is draining you out emotionally.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2016):
 You should take him up in his words. MOVE out, either by yourself or move back home.
Like BimBim said, talk to your parents and see if you can move back in and get back on your feet.
THIS is not how a healthy relationship works. You shouldn't have to ASK your partner for emotional support, but you shouldn't just have ONE person to rely on either.
Did you move away to be with him? If so you ended up isolating yourself with an asshole. So end it and move out. YOU can do better than this guy.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 November 2016):
 Leave this man immediately. Sounds like an absolute asshole. At what point between all this crap is he 'mostly nice'?.
You can do better and you know it so stop settling for the situation you're in.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 November 2016):
 Please move out. He doesn't care about you and this is a toxic environment for you.
When in a relationship, we need to wait longer to move in together, especially when we're young adults, as we need to make sure (to the best of our abilities) that they are safe for us and good to be with. That means waiting for a while after the honeymoon phase has ended.
This is abuse and you need to leave before you get even lower and can't pull yourself out. Please also seek therapy to help you through this tough time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 November 2016):
 Move out, ask your parents if you can go back home while you get on your feet, if that is not a suitable solution and you have no friends or family to help I would suggest you go to your doctor and tell him what's happening, just as you have written it here, and ask if he can get you some help.
And you know something, a man who acts like he does is not "mostly a really nice guy" ... he is anything but.
Do whatever you can to get away from him, he is not good for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (28 November 2016):
 Hon, sorry to say but you are more into your bf than he is into you. He is emotionally abusing you and destroying you in the process.
Dealing with depression is hard, you cannot expect to feel better when he is continually beating you down emotionally.
I suggest that you move back home or find yourself a bedsit. Get into counselling to help you cope. You do not need a man like this in your life.
You have been with him a year and he is treating you like this, well sorry to say it is only going to get worse.
You deserve better.
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