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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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Why did it hurt so much seeing him with another girl if we are just friends and I don't have feelings for him?
Q. Why did it hurt so much seeing him with another girl if we are just friends and I don't have feelings for him? I'm talking about my guy friend. I don't know if friend is the right word, we've known eachother forward nearly two years and always...
A. 8 September 2017: Because you DO have feelings.
That's pretty obvious but you're trying to pass it off as you don't care. Things change when you have sex with someone, it's no longer a friendship.
Decide how much you like him so you can make a choice where you... (read in full...)
If he's not doing anything with his ex then why did he get so mad and ignore me?
Q. Hello I would like to get your opinions on this: I've noticed how ironic it has been in the past 6 months how every time my BF's ex is online (Her Facebook shows she is online), he is also showing online but is unavailable to take my calls. I've bee...
A. 8 September 2017: Maybe because he feels like he's been overwatched?
If you don't trust him, break up, it's pretty simple.
Nobody likes to feel like they're not trusted and being checked up on, so why would your BF feel any different?
You obviously don't t... (read in full...)
Job not how I thought, girlfriend dumping me
Q. I'm having problem at work and I'm not enjoying it currently, ive had time off because of the stress it's caused and my assistant boss doesn't seem to want to leave me alone and he's up my backside every five minutes. I work for a sports company and ...
A. 8 September 2017: Everyone has their own shit they have to deal with in life man. Do you seriously think drinking is going to help the situation?
Get a grip dude, YOU are the only one that can change your life. Your GF probably saw your self destructive attitude... (read in full...)
Getting over my GF not being a virgin.
Q. Hello people. I'm a 21 year old guy, I've graduated college, have a cool job, and have been working in a great firm the past 2 years. I was raised in a small town, in a very catholic and conservative family. Nonetheless I'm an agnostic and I n...
A. 7 September 2017: She's right, you are being stupid.
You knew that she wasn't a virgin but still went ahead with things. What do you want her to do? Travel back in time and erase her past?
Get a grip man. We all have our past experiences and you need to grow up ... (read in full...)
Should I be honest about kissing my friend, or leave it in the past?
Q. I can't tell if I'm over reacting about this situation and I'd really appreciate some insight. Here's a bit of a back story... Late '16, early '17 I met this guy and we really liked one another to the point where we started developing a sem...
A. 6 September 2017: Why would you tell him? What would it achieve?
He's told you he's fine with it and you're fine with what he did, so what's the point in creating unnecessary drama?... (read in full...)
Am I just hoping for the best and not wanting to accept reality?
Q. Just in a new relationship and he's moved back home to the south of our country (about 200 miles from me). We decided to just see how things go and he definitely asked me to be his. However, he hardly calls. If he does, It has to be before ...
A. 6 September 2017: Sounds like he's keeping you on the back burner for when he has no one else to speak to.
If he wanted to make the effort, he would do, remember that.... (read in full...)
How can my boyfriend have all these text messages to other women? I feel like I'm on another planet
Q. Im just so upset and not sure what to do. My partner and I have been together now for 6 years, it has been a struggle as after the first 8 months of us being together he slept with someone else. I managed to forgive him for this and after time and ...
A. 5 September 2017: Your BF is an asshole, plain and simple.
He's sorry because he got caught. His excuses are bullshit and you're better off without him. If you stay with him you're showing him that there's no consequence to his actions so why would he stop what he'... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has just confessed that he slept with someone else
Q. I'm after some advice, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. I have never doubted our trust or believe he has ever done anything to jeopardise our relationship. Well that's what I thought until this Wednesday he called me down the...
A. 5 September 2017: It's very, very easy to connect with another person.
Whether it's out of character or not, he still made that choice to cheat. I don't think your soul mate would do that to you.
I've had a good 4/5 girls over the years that I felt I could hav... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has just confessed that he slept with someone else
Q. I'm after some advice, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. I have never doubted our trust or believe he has ever done anything to jeopardise our relationship. Well that's what I thought until this Wednesday he called me down the...
A. 5 September 2017: This is on you. How are you feeling? Can you rebuild the trust?
Personally, the thought of my partner with someone else would give me no option but to sever all ties.... (read in full...)
Are there tips to make a man fall for you?
Q. I recently went back into the dating world after a few years in a relationship. I'd like to think that I'm confident and decent looking and guys do want to meet up with me. However on two occasions now I've met a guy in person and he has completely ...
A. 4 September 2017: You can't be everyone's cup of tea in life and if you think you can be then you're setting yourself up for many failures.
All you can do is keep putting yourself out there. No one likes to be rejected but it's part of life.
Keep being yo... (read in full...)
What's the future for me as the other woman?
Q. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who I love and he loves me. We are very happy however I am "the other woman", even though our relationship is serious and we've been together for like 3 years, because he's cheated on his current/previous ...
A. 4 September 2017: What future?
You're deluded if you think you have one.
Why does he still have a GF if you mean so much to him? Give your head a wobble. He's sticking around for the non comittal sex.... (read in full...)
Password to his personal account. Is it okay to share or not?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship he broke trust a few times, nothing major but enough for me to lose some. The Main reason was about his ex. He got upset that I had my ex phone number still stored in ...
A. 26 August 2017: There's a lot of arguing over a password here.
If you don't trust him then why are you still trying to make it work? He's never going to give you the info because he clearly wants you to trust him which you don't, so you're going to have this bac... (read in full...)
Should I tell him of my feelings?
Q. I have had feelings for a guy for many years which we did lose touch for a while. Recently we have got back in touch and been on nights out and walks with our friends. I know he has dropped hints about us and the way he looks at me I can tell he has ...
A. 26 August 2017: If you KNOW he has feelings for you then why would you NOT tell him how you feel?
Use a little common sense here. If both of you aren't honest then how are things ever going to progress?... (read in full...)
What is your interpretation when a guy says that you are what he needs in a relationship, but he is scared that he is not what you need?
Q. What is your interpretation when a guy says that you are what he needs in a relationship, but he is scared that he is not what you need? His interpretation of need is that the girl is stable, respectable and knows what she wants in life and how to ...
A. 26 August 2017: Sounds like he's full of shit honestly.
If you wanted to be with someone you would, no ifs ands or buts.
He did you a favour showing his true colours before you had to find out the hard way whilst you were dating.
Block, delete and mov... (read in full...)
My ex is contacting me again, what should I do?
Q. My ex and I had a messy break up. I got drunk, was upset and got into some trouble and ended up in hospital. I called my ex and left a message to say I was in hospital. She never came and I never heard from her. I ended up needing surgery. Year...
A. 25 August 2017: Why would you drop everything for someone you don't like? I don't think that's quite true is it?
She doesn't owe you anything at the end of the day, you were broke up. Sure, she could of lent you some sympathy, but she didn't NEED to and that was... (read in full...)
How do I get over my crush?
Q. How do I get over a guy that is in a relationship and has probably been for a long time? He's 23 and I'm 18 and we've been friends for over a year. Before I found out that he was in a relationship, I had a crush on him, and it seemed like he h...
A. 24 August 2017: Pretty simple really.
Put as much distance between you and him as possible. Stop speaking to him, why do you need to speak to him? He has no interest in you, he knows you like him and it strokes his ego.
Trust me, I've been where you are. I... (read in full...)
I've just completed cancer treatment and now my toxic ex wants to come back
Q. Hi aunts, I've just completed a years worth of cancer treatment and luckily I might be OK, but my ex partner who was abusive to me during our three year relationship has got in touch saying he might want to get back together with me. He was with ...
A. 24 August 2017: Don't even think about it.
Block him. You're here telling us how bad he was so why do you need advice on what to do?
He will be using you as a stop gap until something better comes along. Surely you think you're worth more than that?
Fingers... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to snitch to his girlfriend?
Q. On Friday night I met up with my ex BF from last year. He has a new GF but we met up and hooked up. I know it was wrong but he persued me. Now he has asked me to keep quiet about it and gone back to his life as though nothing has happened. He sped ...
A. 24 August 2017: You had no problem sleeping with him so who are you to decide to take the moral high ground now and tell his GF?
Yes cheating is bad, but it's not your place to interfere with someone else's relationship. He will more than likely slip up himself ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's friend comes over when I'm not there, now they slept in the same bed. What is going on?
Q. when I first met my bf he had this girl that was his friend but they also hooked up a lot. And she wanted to have a relationship with him. But he didn't want to be in a relationship. She found a bf. And after a few months me and my bf started ...
A. 23 August 2017: Wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.
Who in their right mind would think it's acceptable to hang out at home with someone they used to casually sleep with whilst they're in a relationship.
I'd break up and never look back.... (read in full...)
He's nice but I'm not sure if I'm being hurtful or I should scram
Q. Need help deciding to stay or go... Ive been dating a very sweet man for the last four months. We met at a job so I've known him since Feb. and I admired his hard working attitude. He is not good with money tho (at least as far as I am concerned) ...
A. 23 August 2017: I agree with chi girl.
I'd say you're being smart and thinking with your head here over your heart. Who knows what financial difficulties you could run into down the line if things got more serious?
I'd saying you're putting your own interes... (read in full...)
Why won't he Marry me?
Q. Hi, I have been with my partner 6 years next month. I never wanted to get married, was never something that was important to me. Until I was in love. We have been together 6 years and have agreed to start trying for a baby next year after my friends ...
A. 23 August 2017: If YOU want to get married then you need to find out where he's up to. This sounds like a deal breaker for you so no shutting down on his side, he needs to give you an answer so you can decide where your future goes whether it's with him or someone ... (read in full...)
I like her a lot, she's gone cold, what can I do that wont mess it up?
Q. Met this awesome girl online, we hit it off immediately, we had a ton in common, both artists, both geeks, and into the same games. I asked her out and we had a great time at an arcade. we did a ton of art collabs together, played games together and ...
A. 22 August 2017: There is nothing you can do man.
Take the hint, she's not interested. Stop wondering what you did wrong because you will be beating yourself up forever.
Things just weren't meant to be, let it go and move on.... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned about my erratic behavior?
Q. Should I be concerned about my erratic behavior? A little brief background I am 32 and most of my life I have battled just depression and going to these deep waves of misery. I must admit through therapy and for the first time trying to LISTEN I am ...
A. 22 August 2017: Why would you be friends with someone you can't trust? That in itself sounds stupid.
I think you're wasting your time and money if you're receiving therapy and ignoring the advice. Listen to what they are telling you and then you can work out of y... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex of 4 years ago. I treated her badly and have regrets
Q. Hi 4 years ago I was with a woman I fell completely in love with I admit now I didn't treat her how I should of done I called her a couple of nasty names and generally treated her like rubbish now every morning I wake up with her on my mind I see ...
A. 22 August 2017: Learn not to be a dick with people and this won't happen.
She's found someone who treats her with respect and genuinely loves her. Leave her alone and learn from it.... (read in full...)
I've been snooping and finding messages my boyfriend has sent to people on Craigslist
Q. Hi everyone My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years dating for 3. This summer we moved to a new town for his work. He really hated the job but had to do it to move up. One week, our sex life was amazing, he was tired but came h...
A. 21 August 2017: Okay so you don't trust him. Are you expecting things to get better? Because they won't.
You've caught him flirting with multiple women and you're letting it slide so why should he stop?
If he was serious about this relationship he ... (read in full...)
She didn't like my solo comment to a girl online and now she won't speak to me
Q. Been seeing this girl a month , I like her she is the good girl sweet type.. It took her forever to have sex with me.. she hasent had sex in 4 years had an abusive ex .. long story short I was on Facebook chatting up another girl I wasn't hiding it ...
A. 21 August 2017: You're not a teenager so why would you feel the need to 'chat up' other women?
Carry out stupid acts then expect consequences. I don't think you would like it if she was asking other guys to go to festivals together so why should you expect h... (read in full...)
Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?
Q. I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...
A. 21 August 2017: Please, please do not go back to this man.
What will it take for you to realise he is NOT a good man? Good men don't attack people, let alone someone they're supposed to love. You are safe where you are, please stay that way.
Honestly, thi... (read in full...)
He says the sex is better with me but he still keeps his girlfriend. Do I wait around or end things?
Q. Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and ...
A. 20 August 2017: Come on, have some self respect.
This guy doesn't give a FLYING FUCK about YOU or YOUR FEELINGS.
He doesn't value your friendship, he values the easy, commitment free sex that you give him.
If he wanted to be your friend only then why wou... (read in full...)
A guy I have a crush on wants to do things I've never done
Q. Hi, Im 15 years old, and there is this guy who I like and he likes me back. He says that he wants to finger me and do stuff with me, and I want to as well but I am shit scared. There are so many things that Im worried about, and questions I want a...
A. 19 August 2017: You're way too young for this kind of stuff.
The nerves are there for good reason, simply because you're not ready for it to happen. You should be concentrating on school at you're age, not engaging in sexual activity with people.
This guy want... (read in full...)
Should I invite my estranged dad?
Q. Hey Guys! I'm engaged and am due to have a small intimate wedding in January. My issue is that I don’t want to invite my dad. My dad and I don't have a relationship whats-so-ever. My mom passed away when I was 1 1/2 and didn't step up to take care ...
A. 18 August 2017: It's YOUR wedding and YOUR feelings.
Do whatever YOU want.
Nothing to do with anyone else. He's never been there for you when you needed him, so should anyone think you owe it to invite him?
My dad left me at an early age also and I hav... (read in full...)
My best friend's new boyfriend is my former FWB
Q. Hi I had a FWB for 6 months the sex was amazing I just got out of a long term relationship and he just enjoyed being single I didn't feel anything for him other than friends and him with me I started texting someone who I genuinely liked and it s...
A. 16 August 2017: I wouldn't mention it.
I'm in a similar situation myself at the moment where the girl im currently seeing I have slept with her best friend in the past. I had no idea they were friends as I didn't even know the girl I'm seeing now when I slept wi... (read in full...)
Career or relationship? On the cusp of a big decision, I would like your advice!
Q. So life has finally slowed down a bit. Its been roughly two months since graduation and my folks think that I should move on with my life. Ive been dating my girlfriend since January last year and its been a roller coaster of emotions that I wouldn...
A. 16 August 2017: Discuss whatever you want with her on Saturday.
If you feel like you need to grow up, then do so, whether your future plans feature her or not then tell her. Be honest. Your dad shouldn't be getting in your head to sway your life.
Do whatever i... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is waiting after a fight for me to says its all my fault. I'm not going to do that again.
Q. Hey all, My partner of five years and I had a fight two days ago and we haven't spoken since and I miss her a lot. Usually I am always the one that goes running back and gets us to make up but I'm just tired of her never making that effort. ...
A. 15 August 2017: I seriously cant understand what you see in her from this post. What are you getting out of this relationship exactly?
If she makes no effort with you then how are you enjoying things? I think she likes the fact you're wrapped around her finger a... (read in full...)
I'm OK with just sex. Should that be a problem?
Q. Commitment issues with no commitment? I met this great guy, neither of us are looking for a long-term commitment and we have great chemistry and amazing sex and we have had open talks about it not being a serious thing. BUT he seems to always freak ...
A. 15 August 2017: I don't think he's on the same wavelength as you are.
If he was, he wouldn't need to keep 'pulling back'. I think he is going to get attached to you, I wouldn't recommend keep going down this road with him.... (read in full...)
I cant break up with her because she threatens self harm.
Q. Hi, So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years total now with some time in between here and there. I've been on the fence about breaking up with her for the entirety of this summer but I haven't been able to act on it because she is s...
A. 14 August 2017: Not your issue.
You don't want to be with her, tell her parents of her intentions and breakup. Block her so she can't communicate with you and move on.... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 12 August 2017: Because he already has you where he wants you.
He would have to convince another woman to help him cheat on his wife if he were to go elsewhere. Why go through all the hassle when he could just feed you a few lines to keep you hooked?... (read in full...)
Wife won't share "our" car. Is she being unfair?
Q. My wife doesn't work and hasn't for years despite us not having any kids. She quit her last job with my blessings. It was worth it to me just to not have to listen to her complain about it and I make a decent income such that she doesn't have to ...
A. 11 August 2017: You paid for it, therefore it is your car.
I think she would be complaining a lot more if you lost your job and couldn't pay for the nice car anymore and she would have to get off her ass and get another job.
I'd tell her straight up, I'm... (read in full...)
Why is this former FWB guy contacting me?
Q. Why would a guy clearly delete my number and then pop up asking for it again? Hi, so I'm currently 18 and last year me and my guyfriend of nearly two years had sex. He took my virginity and we had sex a few times but as friends. I know, I should'v...
A. 11 August 2017: 99.999% sure that he's hoping to have sex with you again.... (read in full...)
Each time I nearly had sex I pulled back .... now we have split up!
Q. Hi, Me and my now ex boyfriend broke up and it was a very hard decision for us to make because we love each other very much...We met about four months ago at work and we've been together for a month and a half before our break up. Everythi...
A. 11 August 2017: I agree with what's been said.
You and this guy aren't in love after 45 days, that's ridiculous to even say. If he finishes with you because you won't have sex with him then surely that raises a red flag that's all he's after?
'Maybe we can... (read in full...)
I've concerns about this LDR.
Q. This guy has just asked me to be his girlfriend but dropped the bombshell that he's moving to Edinburgh for at least a year. We sorta agreed that we would try Long distance and everything was as good as it could be. However, the last few day...
A. 11 August 2017: He's already shown he's not bothered so I think you're barking up the wrong tree.
Hiding your existence and not contacting you is not a good sign.
Find a BF that's closer.... (read in full...)
When its good its great but right now its bad.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for roughly four months. It's long distance so things have gotten intense pretty quickly! We were planning to move in together but I felt it was too soon so I told him how I felt. Since then things have not been ...
A. 10 August 2017: This is 4 months in?
Run for the hills and don't look back. This will not get better believe me. You don't sound a good match for each other.... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 9 August 2017: Why would he stay?
Because you're giving him sex without commitment.
Doesn't take a genius to work out.... (read in full...)
Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?
Q. I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...
A. 19 April 2017: This is exactly what abusers do 'I will change, it won't happen again'
No, it won't happen at all from someone who loves you. Don't let him sucker you back in, you will regret it.... (read in full...)
Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?
Q. I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...
A. 13 April 2017: I read the title and said 'Leave'.
I then gave it the benefit of the doubt and started reading. Got to 'he started hitting me' and said 'Leave' again.
You're right, there is something there, probably your cause of death.... (read in full...)
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