A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been seeing this girl a month , I like her she is the good girl sweet type.. It took her forever to have sex with me.. she hasent had sex in 4 years had an abusive ex .. long story short I was on Facebook chatting up another girl I wasn't hiding it or anything all I did was ask her about her job and where she worked we talked about a festival in town and I told her I didn't want to go solo.. so the girl I'm seeing suddenly makes a snide comment about me being solo now and defriends me and is now ghosting me .. I'm mean seriously over a conversation ?? She won't take my calls it's driving me crazy. I want her back , I can admit maybe I talk to a lot of girls but it's only online not in person I said sorry.. what can I do to get her back ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): Correction, OP: She doesn't like that you are a player.
Can you blame her?
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (21 August 2017):
Dude,
Any normal woman will hate seeing you just "chat" with many woman. You are giving her the wrong message that you are looking for something more elsewhere.
When you are in a serious committed relationship, that chatting is always seen as a bad thing.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 August 2017):
 You sound like a 12-year old! And I apologize to all of the 12-year olds out there!
First of all, "it took forever" to have sex with her? You were with her for a MONTH, genius! That tells me everything I needed to know about you.
Second of all, what the hell did you expect?! You are disloyal, unfaithful, low self-esteem, and you blew a good relationship because of your immature ego!
Would you want a girl you were in love with to chat up other guys online like you were doing??? No?? Good lord.
You cannot TELL me that you are *this* boorish. Please tell me that this is some troll having a go at us.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 August 2017):
 You're not a teenager so why would you feel the need to 'chat up' other women?
Carry out stupid acts then expect consequences. I don't think you would like it if she was asking other guys to go to festivals together so why should you expect her to be okay with it?
I think you have some growing up to do if you think this is acceptable behaviour when in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 August 2017):
 You're certainly getting a rousing on this one mate. What were you thinking?
I mean seriously, are you a teenager to be “chatting up” another girl, a complete nobody in the scheme of things, other than your own sweet GF? This does not show your emotional loyalty!
How high-minded of you not to hide this; as if going to a Festival with a stranger is righteous trendy behaviour for anyone to contemplate!
Your sorry may well be worthless IF you see no wrongdoing here and continue “chatting up” whomever, be you with this Gf or the next. If your attitude remains the same, it will follow you; hence the resulting discord will be ongoing?
I wager she has defriend you because she’s had enough experience with abuse to recognise when a person is doing wrong by her or potentially has no compass to what is called for in these circumstances.
I suggest you put your toys to one side, man up, get your priorities right and practice grovelling if you seriously want her back.
Take Care - CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 August 2017):
 I so agree with Denizen,
Don't be stupid, stupid.
you are old enough to know that a GOOD sensible smart woman is not going to waste time on a guy who is "talking" to many women online. You can't be so ignorant that you think chatting up several women is something that is SMART when you are trying to "woo" a woman.
It doesn't make you look like a better catch.
It makes you look like you aren't really serious or like you are an attention.... monger.
Learn from it and either:
1. DON'T add someone you are interested in as a friend on Facebook till she knows you better.
2. DON'T look like you are chatting up women right and left when pursuing ONE woman. It's not a good "first" impression.
Whether the women you talk to are "just" online it really doesn't make you look any better than if you talked to them in person.
If she had unfriended you and is ignoring your calls/text then you RESPECT that and leave her be. Learn from it or stick with women who are OK with being on of many...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): You freely admit you were 'chatting ' her up..... so you were openly flirting with another woman where the girl your seeing could see.... you seriously need us to tell you that that was stupid? Hopefully you haven't fully broken this already fragile lady and she can be happy with someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): After only dating one month did you consider yourselves exclusive to each other? This matters as to context of your question. If you did see each other that way, or if you thought this girl was potential relationship material, then you should not be chatting up other girls online or otherwise unless you know them personally and they are your friends.
Sorry is pretty meaningless if you don't take the time or get the chance to talk with her about this and to stop "chatting up" other girls. When you told this other girl you didn't want to go solo to the festival, this could be taken as a hint that you might want to take her. You've sent her and the girl you've been seeing opaque messages about where they stand.
It sounds as if you would like to have a relationship with this girl. If that's the case then block the girls you've been chatting up. Call her and leave the message that you have done this. Tell her you would like to meet in person to have a conversation about this. Being in an abusive relationship, she has probably (rightfully so) set her standards high and you have to prove through your actions that you are worthy of her time and attention. If you can't or won't block these girls then respect her feelings and leave her alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): Lets look at this situation like two mature adult-males.
Social-media offers easy-access and a broad range of contact. The wider the field, the more room for the game.
You're in competition with players; who have played that field before and left destruction in their wake. Leaving those they've hit prepared for the next one.
Once upon a time, you could be in-contact with more than one female at a time. One would never know about the other. It may not have been wrong, if you were not committed to either of them. However; if you actually liked one, contacting another is inviting temptation. It is also being greedy, and thinking with the wrong head.
The principle is, one girl at a time. The one you like deserves more respect, and at least your undivided-attention. Just liking her doesn't place her on hold, but she will exclude others to give you a chance.
You took the "sweet-type" for granted; and there is some suggestion you were flirting, and working on your Plan B. Just in-case Ms."Sweet-type" might be a little "too nice." Men tend to presume the nicer girls are also naive. Sweetness can also be an act.
Well, some women expect (and rightfully so) to be the only woman you're talking to at this particular-time. Innocent or not, you were chatting nicely to another female; while you had another on your hook. Too much distraction leads to confusion and loss of focus. She knows about it, and can judge your intentions based on what you put in writing. As you recall, contracts are made in-writing. Your words define your intentions. What is written is carefully reviewed and examined for mistakes, the promises you've made, and any improprieties. Any words said to the contrary can be disputed!
Sorry, you don't get a pass to play dumb on this one. You're busted, bro.
With some ladies, you get only one chance. You're not in your 20's; so you're held more accountable for your actions, and put to a higher standard. Based on your age and experience. Further backed by her age and experience.
Will she give you another chance? Maybe, maybe not. She will be waiting to see if you go for Plan B. Then she'll know she was right.
You can only wait and see if she comes back voluntarily. She is waiting to see what you'll do next. Explain to the other woman that you've been seeing someone who misunderstood your communication with her. Then remove the other girl from your feed, and unfriend her. That might help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): You say you have been seeing her for a month and you say next,it took you ages to have sex. How long is ages for you?
I have only one advice for you. Please grow up.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 August 2017):
 First of all, a month is *not* a long time to wait for sex - let alone "forever"!
I think you need to change your attitude and focus on how you can be more considerate, rather than expect sex so soon and continue talking to lots of girls. Online flirting is still flirting and possibly cheating, depending on the relationship. How would you feel if she did what you do?
I think you've lost this lady and need to work on yourself before finding someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): 'I was on Facebook chatting up another girl'. To be honest your whole post made me laugh out loud. Why the hell should she bother with someone so immature? Your action and your attitude sucks... surely you aren't really in your 30's? Surely your teens...
Let me help you out. If you're in a relationship, you don't disrespect the person you are with by 'chatting up' anyone else- irrespective of whether you hide it or not. You simply don't do it.
She's ignoring you because you disrespected her, hurt her feelings and she isn't having it. Good for her. If you get a second bite of this cherry, you'd best watch yourself and step up to the plate of being respectful or she'll dump your ass for good next time.... that's assuming you even get a second chance.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (21 August 2017):
 At your age you should understand a bit more about women. It may all have been perfectly innocent in your mind but can't you see how it looks?
When you are in a relationship you cannot behave in the same way as you might when you are single. Take the lesson from this.
You may not get this one back. She probably thinks that this is who you are. It is up to you to prove different.
Sorry if that sounds harsh.
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