A
male
age
26-29,
*am Wilson
writes:So life has finally slowed down a bit. Its been roughly two months since graduation and my folks think that I should move on with my life.Ive been dating my girlfriend since January last year and its been a roller coaster of emotions that I wouldn't trade for anything. Me and my girlfriend just finished our post graduation Post-Graduation Getaway paid for by my parents about a week back and we went home to our respective houses thereafter. Note that we live in different states.My dad says that I should begin working in his company since he just retired and I need to support myself better. He always says I should think long term, go for something that will have great retirement plan and work stability rather than be blinded by money. I dont disagree with him but he also says that I should focus on work from now on, I cant be a kid anymore and I had my fun. He wants me to take the job knowing that my girlfriend has to work to support herself and her family as well. He said staying with us can be an option but having a girlfriend living in at such a young age is different from when she lived with us during her internship. Things change and that I should let things go their own way he said. WELL IM NOT MY DAD. I already know I act on WHIMS and FEELING but sometimes I dont know If my dad is a moral compass that I should break , so im asking here.I already miss her and my dad has this weird mantra that things always turn around for successful people in the end. I know that Im an adult but is thinking about a relationship really short term. My heart says to go to her, rent a place to stay and live life with my girlfriend the one I know has been with me through tough times and has understood me better than anyone. But a part of me still thinks Im the slacker whos dad handed him everything since birth, including my first gf (he introduced us to eachother) , my college education , and even my previous getaway) and this is just a mistake ready to happen I'll fumble as always as he expected and that I'll be asking for his help once more.My girlfriend is the only decision I made that i feel I contributed a huge part of myself in, every problem we had, I fixed digging deep and being myself. We built our relationship together with trust and I feel like Im breaking it right now as I hesitate on what to do. We are supposed to meet each other this Saturday to discuss life and our future, and she still doesnt know anything. I know I have to tell her , but shes the type of person that will sense that my dad is right and that it is the best choice for me and eventually shell just let me go. I know that ITS MY decision to FIGHT for us, and that is why im thinking of going with my heart because one day i know im gonna regret not doing one of these choices but at least I have LOVE. But then again that would be reckless right? Sorry for the post I know its cliched Career vs Relationship, and I should follow my heart and stuff, but I really need to think this through and I know you people can give awesome advice and insight on my situation, thank you all for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2017): I agree with the other female anonymous.. myself and my hubby got together very young but we are still together. Have children and been through lots but after all together 25 years I was 15 teen when we first met then dated after I was 16teen .. yes people were glib about us but hey we knew we loved each other .. support .. so we rented a house and we made a home ..
So go get a job with you dad and rent with your gf - make it work . Even if money a lik tight your still together .. and things will get better ..
So let her know that what you want if you do .. don't mention dad he isn't in this relationship .. you are .. she is .. find out what she wants too and if she does .. then go from there
Chin up .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2017): So what's the problem with you working for your dad's company and you and your gf go and rent a place to live back in your area?Your dad, although he wants the best for you, also doesn't have all the answers. Do you actually want to work in the field that your dad's company is in? Before graduating what did you think you'd use your degree to do and do you still want to do that? Now thinking regardless of your current relationship, what do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to be? What job do you want to try? You've had 2 months since graduation to explore options you're interested in, so in terms of moving on with your life you've got to do something other than living in limbo, not working and not knowing what to do. So your dad has a good point, you need to now start making these decisions because you've done your studying and can't just live off of your parents. Equally, if your relationship is as great and as strong as you believe it to be then continuing it long distance will work out for your guys, not that it will be easy but it will certainly act as a way of seeing if you both do want to commit to each other. If one of you drifts off and doesn't have the enthusiasm or commitment to maintain a relationship then clearly that person wasn't an ideal partner or in the relationship for the long term. Ultimately, you have to live your life for you. You can't do things to make your dad pleased but any choices you make, you have to own them. If things go crap and your dad has an "I told you so" attitude you've got to be confident enough to be able to say that when you made your choice, you were 100% happy with it and while it didn't work out you don't hold any regret or try to blame anyone else. Life has plenty of opportunities and is too short to be spent fretting and worrying. Chat with your girlfriend, talk about what your hopes and dreams are for life and have a good go at achieving them. If the two of you have very different hopes and dreams, then it's not up to either of you to compromise but you both support and encourage each other. Perhaps your gf would love to work abroad but you want to stay in your state then you can both decide whether long distance relationship will work for you both or whatever. Honestly if your relationship is solid and strong then you can both pursue your interests and have a plan for when you will love together, who will relocate to where or whether you both move to a new place together etc... Have some confidence in yourself, commit to you choices and have back up plans so you're not running back to your dad with your tail between your legs. Even if you go work his his company, you might end up needing a back up plan too so just be open minded about your future!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (16 August 2017):
 Discuss whatever you want with her on Saturday.
If you feel like you need to grow up, then do so, whether your future plans feature her or not then tell her. Be honest. Your dad shouldn't be getting in your head to sway your life.
Do whatever is right for you. Obviously you need to get a job now you've graduated, but if you want to stay together and you can make things work then what's the issue?
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (16 August 2017):
Sam Wilson is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for that answer,and also to correct you Ive been with her since Jan. 2016 if that matters. It's that being the guy in the relationship I feel like Im the one who needs to fight for it more and she's the one whos willing to let me go. I know its stupid but Im the one who wants us to together not her, to be honest Im scared that a girl like her could be swept of her feet by another guy and I dont blame her, i just wish that I could be with her longer to cultivate our relationship. Im in a point in my life where if we both move on she'll be the one that got away, and Ill be nothing more than her ex in college.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 August 2017):
 If she is really the one for you, she won't let you go if you stay in your state. Instead she would continue to support you and figure out a way to move closer to you, or wait until you have different plans in the future. I don't recommend moving in without getting married. Doing so means that you live together until you run into problems and break up.
Whenever people make decisions like it's one way or the other, they always go with the heart then end up regretting. When you choose the safe path it doesn't mean you are a slacker. Stability and connection are two very valuable things. Taking over a father's business does not mean you are not working hard. It's still a big responsibility and you can expand the business in any way you want. You have known your girlfriend for just 7 months. To break up with you because you won't move in with her at this point would be quite unreasonable.
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