A
female
age
36-40,
*ittleSwan
writes:My bf and I have been together for 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship he broke trust a few times, nothing major but enough for me to lose some. The Main reason was about his ex. He got upset that I had my ex phone number still stored in my cell. And he text me once while we were together. After that day we both agreed to keep exes in the past and delete numbers. Well a few weeks later I found out that he was still keeping in touch with his ex after he promised and we agreed not to. And then more weeks later I found out he was sending her money for some payments on old furniture. That was the beginning of the Mistrust. From the beginning we allowed each other access to all of our social media and phone. Our relationship has been really rocky and just keeps getting worse. One time he broke up with me and changed his Apple ID information and has not allowed me to access again since then. I eventually got over it and decided that I needed to trust him if I wanted this relationship to work. Most of our relationship has been a struggle with trust. He doesn't want to give me his Apple ID because he says the only way this relationship will work is if I trust him again. So fine. I agreed. We are on a family cell phone plan. Myself, him, his mom and his sister. At one point I needed access to account login because I needed to get copies of payments for my tax return. When I asked for the login he refused to give it to me. I got offended that I couldn't have that info so after a lot of back and forth and arguing he eventually made a point that his mom was the main account holder and he wanted to keep that information private. So I agreed. Recently his mom and sis left our family plan for a better unlimited data plan with another company. When I approached him again about the login he refused and said not to start with the mistrust again. We argued over it. Because I just can't understand why he would deny it this time. His firm with his answer and says that I need to trust him. That's it's not about the password it's about the principle. I am so upset and feel like he's just hiding something. So I broke it off with him. He allows me access to his cell phone. But he works long hours and has enough time to delete what he doesn't want me to see. In the past few months I've caught him flirting with some coworkers. He says it wasn't flirting. But I felt it was and it made me uncomfortable. I just don't understand how I can have access to his phone but not acces to the account. I feel like he can delete anything from his phone but he can't delete from the account. So it just makes me feel like he's hiding something. So I've decided to move out and break things off. He tried talking me out of it but I refuse to stay unless he gives me access. I feel like he needs to prove me wrong but he's not budging. He's offered to help me financially with a deposit to a new place. Me leaving hm isn't phasing him at all. I need advice. Am I over reacting here? Do I need to trust him and move on from this and work on our relationship? We do love each other and through it all we always tried really hard to make it work. He is a good man to me and my two children which aren't his. He provides for us. If I ever doubt him and need proof his willing to send me pics. He has really tried to make this work. And he has given up so much for us. But I feel betrayed and hurt. And am so confused. I seek advice and clarity please.
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broke up, co-worker, flirt, his ex, money, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2017): Hello, Seems there are plenty of trust issues that got worst over time. You mentioned that since beginning of relationship you shared and had access to each other's personal items, passwords etc.. Had he not broken the trust you had for him, with lies and hiding things you wouldn't have an issue him changing his mind and not wanting you to have access to certain things. He might not be hiding anything but I'm puzzled as to why you can have access to phone but not account. Hmmm As a man I find it quite fishy. Wondering if he still contacts his ex and doesn't want you to know? If you two strongly want to work things out counseling can help. If not, it's time to move on and not have to deal with draining thoughts due to mistrust. It can eventually affect your health. Do what's best for you and your children. Best of luck! Adrian
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 August 2017):
 There's a lot of arguing over a password here.
If you don't trust him then why are you still trying to make it work? He's never going to give you the info because he clearly wants you to trust him which you don't, so you're going to have this back and forth for the foreseeable future.
Stop doing these mini breakups and stick to it. You guys aren't right for each other or else you wouldn't keep having this issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2017): You say he is not fazed by you moving out ... it's over if he really loved you he would be hurt... and if he had nothing to hide he would give you all access rather than lose you ... surely? ?? Let him go now he doesn't love you anymore none of the above is love .. be strong and independent don't rely on him ..tc
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (25 August 2017):
WHY DON'T YOU BOTH MAKE A COMPROMISE? Ok, he can't give you the password, BUT, why doesn't he allows you to check online the status of that account, so that you can check if there is nothing fishy in there?
To me, it sounds like if he is hiding something, or he doesn't trust you.
I honestly think you guys need to go to couples therapy.
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