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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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What is he doing? His last text said he still wants me but that was November third!
Q. hi i am seeing a man, don't what sort of relationship it is but hes not text me in 2 weeks and not seen me in 2 months now, i did text him 2 weeks ago asking whats going on my text to him was " how are you ive not heard off you in weeks how can yo...
A. 17 November 2017: Stop wasting your time.
Words mean nothing. The fact that he hasn't seen you in 2 months is the indication that he can't be bothered. NOBODY on this planet is that busy that they cannot spare 30 minutes for a coffee and a chat.
He's a time w... (read in full...)
Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?
Q. I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...
A. 16 November 2017: I know it's hard to accept. It feels bizarre, like you can't imagine your life without this person in it. But if they're not the one, they're not the one and as you've described this on/off scenario, she really doesn't sound compatible with you ... (read in full...)
If we could be friends should I try?
Q. Should I keep speaking to him, and try and be friends? I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 2 weeks ago and it's killing me. We broke it off about 2 months ago, then briefly got back together before we realised nothing had changed. We'...
A. 16 November 2017: You broke up, got back together and things were the same.
He's shown you that he's not going to change so what are you thinking that contacting him will achieve? If he wanted to speak to you he would do. I'm sorry but this one is over and it's rea... (read in full...)
Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?
Q. I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...
A. 15 November 2017: I agree with Honeypie, id just remind her that she said she didn't want to do this anymore which to me would mean any form of communication.
Feel free to add that you think blocking each other would be the best way forwards to move on, or just do ... (read in full...)
Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?
Q. I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...
A. 15 November 2017: How have you been dealing with this for 7 years honestly?
Do you not think there's someone out there that you don't have to endure this with? This sounds tiring beyond belief.
I don't see what you're getting out of it to be quite honest. Mo... (read in full...)
I've worshipped this girl since I was 16! Do I tell her?
Q. Basically, I've reconnected with a girl I had a relationship with in school. I was 16, she was 15 and we went out for about a year. She was my first love and in the end we mutually broke up for a number of reasons but it was not on bad or bitter ...
A. 14 November 2017: Sounds like things are going great and I hope it continues for you.
Best of luck... (read in full...)
How much does having a girlfriend actually cost?
Q. So, I was telling my roommate about my plans to build a new computer and media center for the living room, and he told me I should get a girlfriend (instead of appreciating my contributions to the house). While he might or might not be right, I ...
A. 12 November 2017: I've been with my gf for roughly 2 months now and I wouldn't say I spend a ridiculous amount of money as opposed to being single. It really depends on what we decide to do.
We see each other 1-2 times a week, sometimes it's just hanging out at e... (read in full...)
Its a year of no contact with married man, I suspect his friends are contacting me on facebook.
Q. Hello everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read my question. It's a messed up situation but I've been coming here off and on over the situation for a few years now. Several years ago and crush turned into a long term affair with a married ...
A. 11 November 2017: Of course it's this guy trying to get in touch.
Why else would a random person message you asking about your love life. Block them both and continue moving forwards. Nothing good will come of this.... (read in full...)
I'm sorry I took her back ... should I end it?
Q. SHould i end wid her? she and i came in relation even if she had a boyfriend back then. i somehow convinced her to come in relation. cuz i loved her. but she was kinda confused between him and me. been in relation for 2 months. i had to leave the...
A. 11 November 2017: Of course.
Why would you stay with someone you don't like? That's just silly.
Things probably broke off with this other guy and she saw you as the next best option. That's until this guy wants her back of course.
Unnecessary drama, re... (read in full...)
He never wants to spend time with me!
Q. Hi everyone I've been with my fiance now for 4 years we have 2 children I already had my daughter when we met then we had a baby girl who is now 2 the problem is he never wants to spend anytime with us he goes to work on a morning comes home at 4.15 ...
A. 9 November 2017: You've explored all avenues available id say.
There's not much else you can do besides talk to him and tell him how you're feeling and you've done that to no avail. The only other option is what you mentioned, leave him.
It's not worth wastin... (read in full...)
I'm growing uncomfortable with his questions! Should I go meet him for coffee?
Q. Dear Cupid, I met a 41 year old guy who describes himself as sophisticated, also wants a sophisticated lady, online.He writes he is ready for a new relationship. He writes he has never been married, has no children and lives alone. He has a ...
A. 9 November 2017: Avoid definitley.
Going into his sexual thoughts/fetishes after 4 days? No thanks.
You already know it's weird, don't ignore that feeling.... (read in full...)
I've worshipped this girl since I was 16! Do I tell her?
Q. Basically, I've reconnected with a girl I had a relationship with in school. I was 16, she was 15 and we went out for about a year. She was my first love and in the end we mutually broke up for a number of reasons but it was not on bad or bitter ...
A. 9 November 2017: Honestly, I don't think it looks very good for you.
You've known her for what? 11 years? You dated for one year and high school and then keep losing contact sometimes for years? With the only time you get back in touch is when you're both single u... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 9 November 2017: The police cant do anything, you willingly gave this guy money.
BLOCK Him and move on with your life. You are NEVER getting that money back and you're much better off without this guy in your life.... (read in full...)
I'm in a mess I cant walk away from
Q. Urgh, what a mess. An old colleague messaged me to ask how I was getting on. We never really interacted at work. The messages very quickly became flirty. We are both married. But we met for coffee and there was definitely sexual chemistry....
A. 8 November 2017: You're right, what a big mess you've got yourself into.
There was absolutely no chance you'd enter into this arrangement without at some point down the line feelings becoming involved and now they have. It was a matter of time no matter how much... (read in full...)
I feel keeping me a secret makes me disposable.
Q. I am seeing (dating?) a guy, though problem is, he is my ex's friend. I knew the guy first, and my ex knows we spend time together because we've been friends for years, but my ex is somewhat of a ring leader and if he doesn't like something or ...
A. 8 November 2017: Personally, I wouldn't care about what your ex has to say about that matter. If you aren't friends with your ex anyway then what's it going to do if he spreads a few rumours? you don't live you life to please others so what's the point in acting ... (read in full...)
My confidence issues are stopping me asking for a date.
Q. Started messaging a girl I knew from school a few years younger than me around 3 months ago but she'd just gone travelling. It was fun and kept it up throughout her trip and her interactions with me on social media increased so thought she might be ...
A. 8 November 2017: First of all, stop reading columns and doing what your friends tell you to do. Since when is there a set routine of what to do and what not to do? I'm gonna be completely honest and say you've friend zoned yourself by being too slow off the mark. I ... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 7 November 2017: Until you block him you will never move on.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if he manages to sucker you back in.... (read in full...)
Is my husband's panty fetish out of control?
Q. Is my husband’s panty fetish out of control? I just discovered that my husband has been sneaking my underwear as well as my 18yo daughters underwear. I don’t know exactly what he does with them I can only imagine. He swears it’s not about who wear...
A. 6 November 2017: Creepy as hell.
I think you did the right thing. I could understand the thing with your underwear considering you're intimate together and it is a legitimate fetish, but your daughters? No that's just plain wrong.
We all know what he does wit... (read in full...)
I can't understand women!
Q. Guys, I totally need your advice............ You see, I am still 19, And Ive encountered lot of women, went on lot of dates, and im experienced in this shit..... but lately things have been wrong, U see, what will you assume if a girl comes next to ...
A. 6 November 2017: I agree with the other posters about the reputation of being a player.
I'm 26, I haven't been on many dates but I'd say I've slept with an above average amount of females. I wasn't even aware but it came to my attention a few years ago that I h... (read in full...)
Still missing the X-Factor... what does he have that I dont?
Q. I might drive a Mercedes Benz, and he does not. I might hold a degree, have been to business school, and he does not and hasn't. Well before I perceived her as a love interest, I stepped in to fill in gaps regarding her father figure in life. ...
A. 5 November 2017: How do you know that was part of his 'plan'? Who in their right mind uses their kids as a pawn to get the attention of the opposite sex? It sounds like you're way overthinking this.
To me it sounds like this woman just likes this other guy, sim... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 5 November 2017: Really bad idea lending the money.
Definitely write it off, he's ignoring you for a reason. Notice how he's disappeared off the scene when you stop paying his way? He's a bum, let him survive on his own.
Use this as a lesson not to do this a... (read in full...)
How do I tell them I'm moving out without making it worse for myself?
Q. So I have a friendship question here. I am currently in uni and live in a uni house with three girls, however it is a bit icy between some of us at the moment. Now, a bit of background, for the past few days/weeks I have felt like I am almost...
A. 5 November 2017: Why do you need to tell them soon? Tell them whenever you feel like it, they won't struggle to find a replacement for a uni house, there are thousands of students that will be looking for accommodation.
Why would you feel mean if they're bullying... (read in full...)
Still missing the X-Factor... what does he have that I dont?
Q. I might drive a Mercedes Benz, and he does not. I might hold a degree, have been to business school, and he does not and hasn't. Well before I perceived her as a love interest, I stepped in to fill in gaps regarding her father figure in life. ...
A. 5 November 2017: I'm sorry but you sound pretty up your own backside here.
Are women supposed to be falling at your feet because you drive a Mercedes and have a degree? Lol maybe this kind of attitude is where your problem lies.
If you're acting like a fa... (read in full...)
Is she ready for a new relationship?
Q. There is one girl I know her from Facebook at that time I was in my country we kept texting and everything was fine her bf just left her from few months ago and went to U.K. At the beginning she told me she is not ready yet I told her I won’t force ...
A. 4 November 2017: Dude,
It's not working. This isn't how a healthy, functional relationship begins. She has told you she's not ready, she told you to stop texting, she blocked you. These are all red flags and signs that it's not meant to be.
Stop wasting ... (read in full...)
He cheated. Should I?
Q. I’m married 20 yrs to my 1st love. We have 3 kids (14, 10 and 6). I found out 5 yrs ago my husband was cheating on me for a few years. I confronted him with evidence found in his emails and texts, pics of escorts and hotel records. He confessed ...
A. 4 November 2017: You know how it feels to be cheated on so are you seriously willing to do that to someone else? Just because your husband is an unfaithful ass why should some other poor woman have to go through the same because you feel the need to get even?
... (read in full...)
Friend sponges off everyone. How do I deal with her?
Q. Hi, I have a friend who's used to living off other people. She's funny, smart and she still takes money from her parents (she's 39 years old!), "borrows" money and promises to pay back at some point. Goes out for drinks, meals and almost never...
A. 4 November 2017: of course she should pay up front, why on earth should YOU pay out 800 for something SHE wants and then be expected to chase her up for payment later?
Give her an inch and she will take a mile. What's wrong with saying no? It's your money that you... (read in full...)
Relationship started out well but now he's asking for more and more money. Is he using me?
Q. To cut my story short, I met a turkish guy at a resort during my holiday 2 months ago.We are both muslims and have similar cultures as I am from the middle east, so we seem to understand each other's views and lifestyles. Everything was going smooth ...
A. 4 November 2017: Some guy you barely know is asking you for money.
Hmm is it love or is he using you? You met him 60 days ago and he's asking you to bail him out of debt.
You know he's using you, on what planet would what he's doing be acceptable?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves me, but can't trust me!
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for over two months. Things were going good, until I lied to him. I told him how I was married to my ex but he was helping me with a certain issue. (I cannot disclose, my boyfriend knows). And he was okay with it. I ...
A. 3 November 2017: You might as well end this relationship now. This much dishonesty and level of trust issues after 2 months? Not worth it.
You made your bed by lying to him. Take this as a lesson for your relationship. DO NOT LIE!
Break up, find someone you... (read in full...)
I'm confused, is she interested or just making conversation?
Q. So I work with someone who I find attractive. I have never led her on or flirted with her. I am in a happy relationship and she is married. But sometimes I have to work with her and sometimes she will touch me or make light conversation about my ...
A. 2 November 2017: Oh Man, grow up for god sake.
If you're truly in the age bracket you state and you're honestly wanting to proceed down this path when:
1. You're in a relationship
2. She's married
Then you my friend are an asshole. How are you in a 'h... (read in full...)
Cannabis killing our marriage
Q. I have been with my wife for 5 years and been great . A few months before the wedding my wife started smoking cannabis and it's now really effecting our marriage and relationships.. . What makes it worse is that I love her so much and I'm not...
A. 1 November 2017: You're not happy with her smoking weed, she doesn't want to stop.
She threatens to walk out and you get upset, sounds like an endless cycle. If she's not going to quit you either put up with it or break up, what other options do you have?... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should ask a colleague out
Q. I'm 26 and have been single for around 7--8 months now since splitting with my gf of 3 yrs. I found that break up hard and I'm unsure if I want a new relationship. However I've only been with 2 girls in my whole life and I'm desperate to "get out ...
A. 1 November 2017: Just from reading your question you can tell you don't really want to ask her out and you're doing it for the sake of things. What's the point in that?
I'd also strongly advise against getting involved with colleagues, like you said you could be... (read in full...)
I broke up with my fiancé after 5 years together, she is begging me to come back!
Q. Hello, We live in one of the bigger cities on the West Coast. Met my ex-fiancee (wow, writing that still hurts) 5 years ago. I run a couple successful tech companies so for the last two years I've been traveling back and forth (spending together...
A. 31 October 2017: It won't get better man, she's shown you that time and time again.
You might care about each other but that doesn't mean you're meant to be together. She's shown very controlling behaviours numerous times and you've realised that now.
She tur... (read in full...)
My boyfriend took small amounts of money from my purse! What should I do?
Q. I was dating a guy for 3 months, who I love, and knew was broke/unemployed. 2 weeks ago, $15.00 was missing from my wallet. I thought I miscounted, so the next time he came over I took a pic of my wallet, so I knew for sure. $20.00 went miss...
A. 26 October 2017: Firstly, you're not in love after 3 months. You barely know the guy.
Secondly, the dude is a thief, why would you want anything to do with him? What an absolute bum. Don't you think you could meet someone who won't steal your money?... (read in full...)
Am I being played here, or does he really associate being my boyfriend with one day marrying me?
Q. My ex-boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me last month, we had a pretty amicable breakup (he told me that we have a good thing and it was hard because he loves me but he just doesn't see himself married to me one day and tbh I don't either since ...
A. 24 October 2017: I wouldn't be so confident on the whole 'I don't think he's sleeping with anyone else' front.
In a nutshell he's saying I want to sleep with you and nothing more and it seems like you're okay with that. He is hiding you from his family and your... (read in full...)
Should I try to see if he is available? If so how?
Q. Ok! Where do I start? I met a boy seven years ago. We were on a summer abroad in Australia and we fell madly in love with each other. When the summer ended we both went back home. But lived in opposite parts of the country and it just wouldn’t have ...
A. 23 October 2017: As usual I agree with honeypie.
Let's get realistic here, how has nothing happened in 7 years if it's 'meant to be'? If he has such strong feelings for you then why hasn't he done something about it? Why is he with someone else if he cares ab... (read in full...)
I have the hots for my sister-in-law
Q. I got married 3 years ago, since then i have had a crush on my sister-in-law. She is a beautiful girl. Whenever i see her i have this uncontrollable urge to have sex with her. I love my wife but i also have feelings for my sister-in-law. Neither my ...
A. 23 October 2017: Are you expecting people to tell you to go for it?
You're married for god sake. If you don't love your wife anymore then break up with her, at least try to retain some dignity than pursuing her sister also.... (read in full...)
Does my FWB have feelings for me?
Q. I've been friends with benefits with a guy for over 3 years. We hook up nearly every week. I telephoned him today to speak to him, he was busy building a draw and I didn't realise I was on loud speaker, during the call we were talking and he was ...
A. 22 October 2017: OP, take it from someone who's been in a FWB thinking 'it will work out one day', you will NEVER be together.
You have already settled for having casual sex with this guy and that's is ALL he will ever see you as now.
You are missing out on s... (read in full...)
He is not being supportive and I am literally broken because of what is happening!
Q. Hi, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months and a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. We both currently live 100 miles apart and only get to see each other once a week. We decided an abortion was the best option for us as it wou...
A. 22 October 2017: What an absolute asshole to put it mildly.
You need someone there right now that you can rely on like a friend or family member. That would be a much better option than thinking this waste of space will attend the appointment with you.
Block a... (read in full...)
She takes more than she gives and I know part of the problem is her low self-esteem!
Q. Hi, when I told my girlfriend that I love her she replied, for the first time, that she does as well, although she doesn't know if it's really love. She justified this with saying that she discussed the matter with her mom and when her mother asked ...
A. 20 October 2017: I agree with honeypie's point of your gf repeatedly bringing up that she doesn't deserve to date you. Okay, so ask her why she is?
If she's not going to get therapy then you're going to have to deal with this for the duration of your relation... (read in full...)
Is this a ploy to make me jealous?
Q. This guy and I decided to be friend with benefits before uni' but when we got to uni, it was quite different. The guy is in his late 20s and we go to each other's place to sleep over but we simply end up cuddling and kissing. We got into an argu...
A. 19 October 2017: Way more drama than necessary.
FWB is supposed to be no feelings involved, this has gone past that or else he wouldn't of reacted in such a manner.
If he wants to try it with this new girl, let him.
FWB very, very rarely work the way they... (read in full...)
Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...
A. 19 October 2017: You see him as a friend, this guy sees you as a potential notch on his bedpost.
He was flirty, he was asking you on a DATE. That's very obvious. Your BF is male, he knows how other males think. I don't think you'd like it if it was the other wa... (read in full...)
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