A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently went back into the dating world after a few years in a relationship. I'd like to think that I'm confident and decent looking and guys do want to meet up with me. However on two occasions now I've met a guy in person and he has completely ignored or slowly cut contact with me.First date I went on , the guy met me and he ended up chatting up the waitress and ended up getting her number! I tried to get in touch after the date to say I had a nice time but he blanked me. After he met me he posted a sarcastic photo on Instagram as if to say he was underwhelmed by me. Second date I went on a few months later , I was a bit scared after the first one so I put in lots of effort . We got on so well, chatted all night, ended up having a cuddle and a little kiss goodbye. I really thought he might actually be into me. He seems to be chatting less and less now(he was talking all the time). We were going to be meeting up this weekend but he cancelled on me said he has a friend in trouble but he still wans to meet later this month. I didn't know what to make of this but in my mind I feel like this was just an excuse to cut me off slowly. And that he won't meet later in the month. He was very good looking and. Way out of my league and a nice guy with kids.I'd love to know some tips for dating. Why do they keep cutting me off... I have a few physical flaws but it seems so many people care about the outer appearance and not what my personality is like. I care about everyone and I'm a nice person who is always smiling and laughing and I'm friendly to everyone. I thought men liked nice women and no drama. Are there any tips ladies have used on here to make a man fall for you. I just don't seem to have the gift! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 September 2017):
 It is only two dates so try and not let it bother you to much, many people have to go through lots of dates to find the perfect partner. So guy number one am shocked you gave him the time off day after chatting up the waitress, if that was me I would have walked out and blocked his number and showing him that I have more self respect. Remember it is not attractive being to nice and allowing guys to walk over you.
Second guy just make sure he doesn't try and contact you to meet at his house, it sounds like he may just be looking for one thing.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 September 2017):
 I have a question: why would you want to contact a bad-mannered bloke, who chatted up the waitress on your first date and got her number, to tell him you had a nice time? Sorry, but that comes across as rather desperate. Most women would cut contact with such an uncouth man immediately and never give him a second thought, except perhaps to bring up the date over drinks with girlfriends when comparing stories on dates from hell. Sounds like you had a lucky escape there but why do you think you are not worth better?
You sound so keen to impress on dates that you are forgetting dates are simply a means of meeting and getting to know people. They are not ALL going to lead to long term relationships. As the saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. You need to also bear in mind that it is a TWO WAY thing: not only do THEY have to like YOU, but YOU have to like them too. Don't let it all be about "ooh, I wonder do they like me and what I can do to impress them". You need to also be asking yourself, "do I really like this guy enough to see him again?"
Not sure why you are already writing off the second bloke? He had an emergency. Shit happens. He has said he will see you another time. Why are you doubting him? Perhaps ease off on the chatting a bit (women tend to me more into this than men) so you don't come over all clingy and keen to impress?
Remember, you are a lovely person. You deserve to be with another lovely person. Be yourself and don't settle for less than you deserve.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 September 2017):
 You had two guys turn you down and then this somehow means that ALL MEN turn you down? Come on. It was two guys. You need to date LOTS MORE in order to honestly say that you have a problem with men or that men in general don't like you. It was just those two guys, and not every human on the planet is meant to be with every other human. We have different personalities and different wants and needs. These two guys weren't the right ones for you, regardless of who turned who down. They just happened to be aware of it faster than you were aware of it. You would have come to the same conclusion yourself, if they had continued to date you. Then you would have been the one to turn them down. I get that it feels better to be wanted and to be the one rejecting, but in the end it makes no difference. Don't lose focus. The point in dating isn't to keep score and get men to admire you and be the one to reject rather than be rejected. The point of dating is to find someone who is right for you, someone you can have a relationship with. Or just sex, if that's what you're looking for. Anyway, you need to find someone who fits into what you're looking for. If they turned you down, then they weren't what you were looking for! Plain and simple. Instead of being upset, be happy that they saved you the bother and didn't waste your time.
Go on more dates. I realize that I'm an express dater, but still. When I was dating I went on a new date almost every weekend. A new guy every weekend for almost 6 months, imagine that. Think of how many "rejections" that equates. I turned some down, some turned me down. For most of the time, one date was plenty to get a feeling of whether this is someone you want to meet again or not. Other times it takes a couple more dates before you can tell if it is worth investing into. Remember that when online dating, you are effectively having a blind date. You meet someone for the first time, without having any idea who they are. No amount of writing prior to meeting up will change it. It's similar to a blind date, and you just have to meet up and see each other in person in order to actually understand if this is someone you want to date or not. So for me, the first date hardly every implied anything romantic. The first date was always just a coffee to meet and talk and see if we even like each other. To see if we could even carry on a conversation. The first date is more like a job interview than a date! The first date when online dating is as lacking in romance as a trip to the grocery store.
The second date, on the other hand, is where you add a hint of romance. If you like someone enough to go on a second date, only then should you actually start to bother a bit with dressing up, and maybe plan something nice etc. First date should just be a quick coffee of no more than 30 minutes. Really. Keep it very short and brief and in between other plans you have, so that you can excuse yourself and leave. Second date is when you go out for an evening out with dinner or movies or a concert or whatnot.
When online dating, don't invest emotionally so quickly. Remember that it's like blind dating, and you need to meet up and see first if you even get along, if you even have the ability to carry a conversation and have a good time together. If things feel awkward, at any point, then they aren't the right match for you. It's different from when meeting someone in real life and THEN going on a date. Then you already know each other and have met and talked and then the romance is in the air from the first date. But when online dating, you start from 0 and need to use that first date as just a starting point to see who the other person is, and nothing more.
My tip to you is not how to make men fall for you. My tip to you is to keep focus and remember what the goal is: for you to find someone YOU want. You need to know what you want, and you SHOULD have this on your list as well: "a guy who is absolutely head over heels interested in me". I never chased down a guy or used manipulation to get him interested in me, because that's not a good foundation for a relationship and not the kind of relationship I am interested in having. I want a relationship with someone who wants ME, 100% me, no extras added or fake show put on. And if a guy turned me down, then I was happy, because he didn't waste my time when he already knew I wasn't it for him. And thus, he could never be it for me either, as I was always looking for someone who wanted ME. Do you get what I'm saying?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 September 2017):
 You can't be everyone's cup of tea in life and if you think you can be then you're setting yourself up for many failures.
All you can do is keep putting yourself out there. No one likes to be rejected but it's part of life.
Keep being yourself and someone will stick around because they like what they're getting from you.
Keep at it and don't beat yourself up over it.
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