A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having problem at work and I'm not enjoying it currently, ive had time off because of the stress it's caused and my assistant boss doesn't seem to want to leave me alone and he's up my backside every five minutes. I work for a sports company and have been doing it for three years, everything was going okay until everything changed. my girlfriend decided to dump me, ive been really feeling down and ive turned to drink and been getting drunk and getting into fights with people.I feel at this point that I'm unhappy, I want to quit my job and go into voluntary work. any ideas what I should do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 September 2017):
 Glad to hear that you are cutting down the drink, imagine what it is doing to your liver and body. You are struggling to cope and alcohol is your crutch at the moment, I understand that better than most. But it is not the solution. The solution is to figure out what will help you cope. Will voluntary work help you cope? Will going on holiday? Will seeing a therapist? Moving career? You need to decide on a fresh positive start for yourself and take it from there.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2017): I appreciate the advice that's being offered, I'm trying to cut down on the drink, it's just sometimes I find things difficult to cope with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2017): I'm seeing a therapist this week
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2017): I appreciate the advice that's being offered, I'm trying to cut down on the drink, it's just sometimes I find things difficult to cope with.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (8 September 2017):
 I don't know if your drinking is affecting your work but it looks like your boss is seeing something is up it might be just that you look a bit beat up after a fight or your just in a bad humor and feeling let down by the world,many people are good at putting on their face to the outside world, this is why when the crap hits the fan most of us say "if we only know" but people are so good at putting on the mask first thing we do when we pull the door out behind us is put on the smile.it works for the most of us, I think you know your drinking is not good and you need to cut it down, try 1% or even alcohol-free drinks and try to put on the act like most of us when at work, keep your job for at least now but why not get involved in volunteer work in your free time, you don't have to give up work to do this and you don't have to go to the other end of the world, get involved in an organization near you, this will help you and at the same time you help others and you never know what it might bring you, you could even find a partner that is of the same mind and not just out for what they can grab
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 September 2017):
 Everyone has their own shit they have to deal with in life man. Do you seriously think drinking is going to help the situation?
Get a grip dude, YOU are the only one that can change your life. Your GF probably saw your self destructive attitude and bailed knowing she couldn't do anything to help you.
If you're depressed, then go down the correct avenues to get help, don't for one second think getting blind drunk and looking for fights with people is going to solve your problems because it really won't.
Don't like your job? Okay, so what's stopping you changing it? Nothing, you just haven't bothered to look by the sounds of things. Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do. First thing's first, you need to kick the drink and then get help for how you're feeling.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 September 2017):
 Quit drinking!! This isn't rocket science! You're making a mess out of a bad situation. Look dude, life isn't always fair and you won't have things go your way 90% of the time. But you can't deal with it by getting drunk and making a fool of yourself! Grow up, be responsible, accept rejection. Professionally, your boss is nagging you because you haven't been doing a good job. Instead of hating him for it, how about you try to better yourself? Gather yourself and act your age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2017): You're unhappy? Where on the planet do you find people perpetually happy? Life presents problems and challenges.
Happiness is a temporary state of mind, my friend.
Get your sh*t together! Your boss is up your ass; because you're probably bringing your personal-life to work.
Consider his harping on you the prelude to showing you the door.
If you're planning on joining the peace corps (or the UK's equivalent) or a world-disaster rescue organization; they can't use people who are dealing with mental-health issues, or struggling with alcoholism. If you can't handle your work-stress, you won't be able to handle the stress that comes with that kind of work either.
How will you handle disaster sites, foreign villages in extreme poverty, and seeing people in catastrophic distress?
What's drinking supposed to do for your present situation?
If this is how you handle adult-life; then should we wonder why your girlfriend dumped you?
You're in your thirties. You're screwing around with your job. I got dumped a few years ago. I was blindsided. I still had to pay the bills! Somehow I pulled it together and made sure I did my daily grind. I didn't waste sick-leave or wallow in self-pity. I was in pain too! You've got to have your own personal-life in order, before you can help others.
If you quit your job and go into voluntary work; there will still be a boss to answer to. You won't just go in and do whatever you want. Nobody needs volunteers who get drunk and start fights with people. So what's your next plan?
I have this feeling you have a history of poor behavior. A man in his 30's having trouble on his job; and getting dumped by his girlfriend is evidence he has a few serious problems. It isn't just from getting dumped by a girlfriend, or job-stress from his boss. If it's you, you've got to own it.
I'm sure there's a backstory to all this.
Are you in therapy? What do the doctors say about your health? What kind of professional-help are you receiving for your stress? What kind of volunteer work are you talking about?
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson  +, writes (8 September 2017):
 Dear Poster,I am sorry to hear about your problem, and before you read my answer please not that I am a lot younger than you so please take my advice with a pinch of salt.Being down, drinking, and fighting with people isn't doing you any favors. I know that you feel sad about your girlfriend leaving you but in those types of scenarios there is only one thing you can and that's to move forward.It helps to know what you want to better help yourself. Do you want your girlfriend back ?Do you want to move on? Or do you hate your job? Identify which is the real problem before doing anything.If you want your girlfriend back being a sad sack isn't improving your image,pick yourself up and the world will follow. Before considering on leaving your job I suggest to fix your inner struggle first. Accept the world and the fact that your girlfriend has left you. Put your best foot forward and focus on yourself and career. The world can seem grim viewed from the eyes of a sad man. The bad experience you have at work maybe triggered by your feelings. You said that everything was doing great right? When your life's back to normal then you can consider quitting your job.I don't fully recommend quitting your job if it's stable and you have no reliable source of income. But in the end, it really helps if you love what you do. A new job can give you a whole new perspective of the world in general and can give you a new start.Just don't live in the past, don't fret on what things should or could be, then you can move forward.Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (8 September 2017):
I think that you should go to therapy man. You are in a path to self destruction, which will leave you in a worst situation than the one you are right now.What if you got into a fight with a guy with a gun, or part of a gang, and you got crippled as a consequence?Not to judge here, but you should also consider going to AA. Alcohol + depression = nightmare , that's the equation you are in right now. You see, alcohol is very good for fighting depression, while you are drunk. But in reality, alcohol makes you more depressed, which makes you get more drunk and more often, until you are down and out in the streets begging for money. Please don't do that! You don't deserve that kind of life.If you go to therapy, you will be able to cope with your the loss of your girlfriend, your crappy job, and your temporary alcoholism. Once you fix all that, you are going to start felling MUCH BETTER, and with a better perspective in life. From that moment on, you can take control back of your life, ditch your crappy job for a good one, live the life how you want to live it, with who you want to live it, how you want to live it, free from the chains of depression and addiction.Now, regarding your boss. There are very crappy bosses out there, I have myself 3 of them at work (I work in software). And yes, I'm also considering switching jobs, but that amount of stress has not driven me into alcoholism, nor to get dumped by my GF. What I do to cope with stress, is natural remedies, like Saint John's Wort, Valerian root, and also working out at the gym and by swimming. You can't imagine how good you feel after workout session, when you are too tired that you can't think about your problems or anything else. Exercise also helps you to build confidence.Finally, you should seriously ditch your job, for a better paying job that respects you and that don't micro-manage you that badly. You are currently in a crappy job, those that no matter how much you get paid, it's not worthy of your time and energy. Start sending CVs out there, start getting interviews, GET OUT.One thing that I suggest you, is that you don't volunteer full time. It's better to have a full time job, and volunteer as a side gig, rather than making volunteering full time.I tell you this because I've been in that situation, that I needed to do volunteer job to feel better about things going on in my life. I volunteered for 6 months, started to feel better, and I couldn't continue volunteering because I started to focus more on my job and school.I wish you best luck!
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