A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im 15 years old, and there is this guy who I like and he likes me back. He says that he wants to finger me and do stuff with me, and I want to as well but I am shit scared. There are so many things that Im worried about, and questions I want answered. Firstly, I have never done anything with a guy before, not even a first kiss or hug. Im worried about first kisses and if they come naturally which Im told they do. But apart from that I feel like Im not developed properly and that something could go wrong and he could hurt me. Does it hurt at all being fingered for the first time, because Im told it does and thats freaking me out. Im also really insecure about my body because Im skinny and not toned and to be honest, im worried of what will be thought of me. Anyway clearly I have alot going through my mind and am really worried about it all. It would be awesome if someone could give me some advice or even tips to calm my nerves. Thanks
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 August 2017):
 You're way too young for this kind of stuff.
The nerves are there for good reason, simply because you're not ready for it to happen. You should be concentrating on school at you're age, not engaging in sexual activity with people.
This guy wants to use you to get off. When the time is right you won't feel nervous with someone, everything will happen naturally and feel right.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2017): This boy just wants you for sexual experiences, thus isn't a boy who is interested in being a decent, caring boyfriend. He wouldn't have brought up the sexual things so soon if he was interested in being a proper boyfriend for you. Your first kiss would just happen naturally, but that is when you've been getting to know a boy for a while, you go places together (even just down to the shops, meeting up with friends together) and over time you get more comfortable and the kiss happens. Hold out for someone nicer, you deserve the best and a boy who just talks about fingering you is going to be the kind of boy who breaks your heart and makes you feel used. You can slowly stop talking so much, and then say that while you like him you don't see yourself in a relationship with him and leave it at that. If he says anything horrible, you just know you made the right decision, and be sure you talk to someone you trust if he does pester you or be nasty - parent or teacher or maybe you've got an aunt or someone who you could talk things through and they would help you deal with things. You've got years ahead of you to deal with working out boys (and sorting out the ones who just want sex from the nice ones!) so I wouldn't rush into anything too soon and just enjoy not having those worries! Xx
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (18 August 2017):
Hello,
I think that you should hold a little longer until you fell more mature and confident with your body.
If you haven't kissed or hugged with him, him wanting to finger you right away it's like a BIG RED FLAG. A normal relationship would start with hugging and kissing for a while, and eventually end up with sex.
You are too young and should consider asking a counselor you trust about this situation.
It's ok wanting to have sex, but if you don't know what's that and if you are not ready for it, then you should not attempt it.
Best luck!
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 First and foremost, I applaud you for questioning and thinking about these "things." Now, I have a few questions for you: How well do you know this boy? Have you gone on outings? Has he asked you to be his girlfriend? Do you go to the same school? How old is he? You're obviously nervous and uncomfortable about these "things" and you know what? That's perfectly fine! Our first instincts are usually the right ones. Listen to yourself.
My first piece of advice: SLOW DOWN. I was in your shoes once with a crush on an older boy. He kissed and touched my chest and I went home crying my eyes out because it felt weird and I felt guilty and the next week, he was already going out with another classmate.
So again, SLOW DOWN. TAKE YOUR TIME. I would not do ANYTHING with this boy. Sounds like he knows you like him and he's using that to get close and do these sexual things.
And yes, he CAN hurt you. It may not be purposely, but as you say, your body is still developing so introducing it to such "advanced" sexual activity is not a good idea.
Honey, you have more than enough time to explore this when you're more prepared. Let him know that as much as you like him, you'd like to take your time and start slow. Right now, I think you're better off having fun in other ways. You're only going to get this time once. Don't spend it being uncomfortable and having regrets. He's just one cute boy out of many.
But if you do pursue this, there's nothing wrong with things like kissing first, holding hands, cuddling. Those are all things that feel nice. The only thing that will help you "relax" is comfort and obviously, you're not there yet with this boy. So start there first. Let things develop. If he gets impatient, angry or sarcastic about you wanting to take slows, STOP immediately and call it quits. His attitude towards your needs will tell you what you need to know. If he's patient and understanding, he's worth developing something with. If he's rude and disrespectful, he's only after one thing and will move quickly to other girls after he's gotten what he wants.
Be safe, be careful. I am proud of you for asking questions and not following blindly. Remember that YOU are important, that your thoughts and feelings matter. It's YOUR body, YOUR decision. Do NOT let anyone EVER make you feel like you don't have a say in what happens to you. All the best.
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A
male
reader, VitaminZ  +, writes (18 August 2017):
Red Flag! This boy doesn't actually like or he wouldn't put you under this pressure and in this situation. If you go along with anything this boy wants from you, he will leave you feeling worthless and used. Run away as fast as you can.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 August 2017):
 He isn't even dating you. He just wants someone to experience sex with, not someone he loves. Please don't do anything with him.Honey, you're scared because you know you're not ready yet. It's a *good* thing to not be ready yet.You shouldn't go straight from kissing to sex. Anything involving genitals is sex - including hands and mouths.Please, OP; you'd just be a sex toy to him. He's young and inexperienced, so it's unlikely he'll care about being gentle and taking things slowly over a few months, not a few weeks, especially as you're not in a relationship for 6+ months before anything sexual.Also, it's very easy to get caught up in the moment and end up having intercourse, which would be very unwise.OP, your nerves don't need to be calmed; they're there because you're not ready yet.
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