A
female
age
36-40,
*each1908
writes:Should I be concerned about my erratic behavior? A little brief background I am 32 and most of my life I have battled just depression and going to these deep waves of misery. I must admit through therapy and for the first time trying to LISTEN I am alarmed. I have a girl I have been be friending for a year now and my therapists tells me she is bad news for me. The girl sleeps with married men- is careless - will backstab you and is miserable- although she is all these things I don't deny them - I don't see how that can affect me? I went out last weekend and I got drunk to the point I couldn't take the car home and my therapist told me that I have a weak personality and even though I don't see it this girl is changing me slowly. The only thing I can think of to answe is it's better to be in bad company than alone? I'm quite lonely at work I talk to no one and I don't have a bf. I always want to fill my time and I guess I don't find going out with her wrong? I will never do what she does since I don't believe in being with taken men - nor do I trust her but do u think my therapist is right? It got me thinking and I don't know why I am acting this way - it's embarrassing since I am an adult and I can't seem to have any backbone- any kind advice would be great. I guess in my mind I am just killing time
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (22 August 2017):
Your "friend" it's bad company, and you should stay away from her.
If you have a weak personality, you will eventually start making the things that she does. It's like hanging out with criminals; you will eventually be involved in something criminal.
You should:
a) Keep going to therapy
b) Do your therapy homework everyday
c) Find a club or hobby to meet more people. There are healthy people out there that aren't into risky behavior.
d) It's better being alone than in bad company. You need to learn to love your self and being alone.
e) You need to build your assertiveness and self-esteem so that you can feel happier most of the time.
f) Join a sport. Sport generates hormones that help your mood.
Best luck!
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 August 2017):
 Why would you be friends with someone you can't trust? That in itself sounds stupid.
I think you're wasting your time and money if you're receiving therapy and ignoring the advice. Listen to what they are telling you and then you can work out of your depression.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2017): Why are you paying and going to a therapist, if you don't listen to the doctor's advice?
Yes, everything your therapist said is correct. There is no way we can confirm if you have a weak personality; but if the therapist has assessed that through evaluation, you should listen.
You're a grown-woman and shouldn't be influenced or pressured by other people into doing things to hurt yourself.
Loneliness is no excuse for irresponsible and self-destructive behavior. You're making excuses for pity. You describe all the terrible things about your friend's character (if you wish to call her a friend) yet you insist on getting yourself into trouble being around her. You are not a child, and don't need other people to tell you to stay away from bad company.
Where did you get that nonsense about bad company being better than being alone? Will you feel the same if you end up in the hospital, or in legal trouble? Or even worse!!!
You're on the path to self-destruction hanging with that person you refer to as a "friend." If you can write about it in detail, you must have some idea why you're doing it.
Cut all ties with that so-called friend. You won't make any new friends if you run around with bad people. You're not a wayward teenager. You're a grown-woman.
You can't make new friends; because you're running with a bad woman who won't let you. She is running you into the ground on purpose, and undoing your therapy. She is also ruining your reputation; merely by association and being seen with her. Nice people will avoid you.
Stay away from that bad woman, stay away from alcohol, and listen to your therapist. Stop acting like a rebellious teenager. You're too old for that.
Maybe getting locked-up in jail may bring you to your senses? That's where you're heading!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 August 2017):
 First let me say I am not a qualified professional.
The very fact you are having therapy suggests you want to change the way things are, or at least, understand them.
We attract what we give out, by associating with somebody who is "bad news" you are not leaving yourself open to attract a different type of person into your life.
I DO understand loneliness, and also why you may feel a bad friend to go out with is better than no friend at all. HOWEVER we are all judged by the people we associate with, so a change in how you do things could be beneficial.
Find something different to be involved in that will give some interaction with other people and help keep the loneliness at bay. Look at short courses for adults, short story writing or flower arranging, upholstery classes or mechanics for single women. See if your local hardware store runs workshops on how to use power tools or lay pavers.
Join a book club or a cookery club. Volunteer at a dog shelter or seniors centre. Give your new activities 6 months each, minimum, until you find one that suits your needs.
When we give out we get back. Cast your bread upon the waters .....
And slowly wean yourself from your friend whose behaviour will only drag you down.
Good luck, I wish you well.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (22 August 2017):
 As long as you keep your friendship casual. ie just hang out. Then your fine.
You know who you are and what you want.
I think you need different therapist. One who is positive and will help you move forward with your life and deal with your issues rather than looking to lay blame.
As for your life. Maybe try talking a bit more at work. You can just laugh at jokes when people tell them or even just say hi to who ever is around you.
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