A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had feelings for a guy for many years which we did lose touch for a while. Recently we have got back in touch and been on nights out and walks with our friends. I know he has dropped hints about us and the way he looks at me I can tell he has feelings for me. For some reason we are both shy and not telling each other. I will not see him now as he has gone abroad for month. I regret not telling him as I wonder if he will meet someone on holiday or forget about me. Should I tell him how I feel when he is back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 Yes off course tell him, it will probably be the best thing you ever do!
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 August 2017):
 If you KNOW he has feelings for you then why would you NOT tell him how you feel?
Use a little common sense here. If both of you aren't honest then how are things ever going to progress?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): You'll always wonder. So take the bold step and ask what he thinks. Ask him if he is interested in pursuing this connection further? Don't go into details about your feelings. That can sometimes be unsettling; even if he's interested, he may not have decided how much he likes you.
When you say hints, that implies mixed-signals. So asking forces him to open-up and man-up to the situation.
Shyness is for children. Grown-ups should behave like adults; if they want to establish a mature and adult relationship.
Being able to effectively communicate starts things on a firm foundation. It builds trust. Neither of you are mind-readers; and leaving everything to guessing keeps signals crossed.
Grow-up! If you want to find love, sweetheart!
I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 August 2017):
 If he is shy, be careful how you word it (if you decide to go that route), otherwise you may scare him off. We can make our feelings obvious without being over the top.
Assuming you are able to contact him via social media or phone, I would keep in close contact while he is away and drop gentle hints like "I am really missing you not being around" rather than anything heavier. If his response is positive, you could step up the intensity of your comments each time, so that you say things like "I can't wait for you to get back" or "We need to go out together when you get back so I can hear all about your time abroad". Can you phone him? I am sure he will feel grateful for contact from home, especially if it is from someone he likes.
Given how shy he is and how long it is taking him to make a move on you, I would not be too worried about him meeting someone abroad in a month. I would rather use this time to get closer to him so that, when he returns, you have built some foundations for a proper relationship. Don't be afraid to suggest going out if he is too shy.
Good luck. I am sure, once the spark catches, he will be much quicker to move things on.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (25 August 2017):
YES!If the guy has not enough guts to say his feelings, then you need to tell him your feelings.You see, we are on a stage where we should stop beating around the bush and get to the point, because our prime time is running out, and we need take short cuts if we want to get to our 40s with a partner (and not with a bunch of cats).Shyness is a real issue to many people, and who knows, perhaps he is more shy than you.Forget about those gender roles, blah, blah, blah. It's time for all, both men and women to take charge of our futures, of our own destinies, and decide who we decide to spend our futures with. If you are brave enough to say him your feelings, CONGRATULATIONS, you have my respect, and I tip my hat for that.Best luck!
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