| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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My first boyfriend wants to get back with me but I'm engaged, how do I tell him?
Q. I dated a guy in high school for 2 and a half years. During that time I fell in love with him. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first everything. We ended up being forced apart by my parents from some trouble we got into. ...
A. 19 September 2009: Sounds great torn,
It looks like he is taking the respect role. Remember to guard your heart, there is still danger.
And a BIG thank you for writing back and letting us know how it came out.
FA... (read in full...)
Should I ignore what I think are lies and try to move forward in our marriage?
Q. Several years ago my wife and I had a real problem. My wife moved in with another man. We had 2 young children (2 and 3). At first she asked me to move out and take the kids with me. Anything my wife really wants I will do (within reason). A good ...
A. 14 September 2009: I'm going to stick my foot in it one more time . . . .
Forgiving someone means that it never happened. How can you heal your soul by rubbing salt in to open wounds. IT does Mr. sf69 no good to know every detail. It does him no good to force Mr... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend wants to get back with me but I'm engaged, how do I tell him?
Q. I dated a guy in high school for 2 and a half years. During that time I fell in love with him. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first everything. We ended up being forced apart by my parents from some trouble we got into. ...
A. 14 September 2009: I have been keeping up with this thread. I just wrote a bit at the first because an engagement at 17 didn't seem serious. At this point I an ready to give some real world advice. Many women, including my wife, have trouble understanding the way ... (read in full...)
Opinions from guys only please!
Q. Hey guys!!! Well I just want to know when you look at her, stare at her, watch her, when you’re talking to your friends corner of your eye is going on her, when she smiles and laughs you watch her. All this above do you serious like her ...
A. 12 September 2009: Thanks for the endorsement Q
FA... (read in full...)
What did he mean by wanting me to be submissive?
Q. My question is, what are dominant male and submissive female relationships all about. I was dating a dominant male who says I wasn't submissive enough and that I always had something to say. What did he mean? We hung out for 6 weeks and when I ...
A. 11 September 2009: I like the caveman answer. Also you should not get too worried about the feminine side comment as the dominant/submissive scale doesn't always match the masculine/feminine scale. There are plenty of strong women out there that are very feminine. ... (read in full...)
He's completely betrayed me! I've got the papers for a divorce but am I going too far?
Q. I recently found out that my husband of 6 years, was talking to another woman, as far as I know talking and texting, but I also found out that he sent a few pics and videos to her as well, pics and vids of myself that I made for him and him only... ...
A. 11 September 2009: I need to get my disclaimer out first. I do not in any way approve of what your husband has done. When you are in love and married you live at a level of trust that is so high that it is not found anywhere else. The most intimate secrets... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend wants to get back with me but I'm engaged, how do I tell him?
Q. I dated a guy in high school for 2 and a half years. During that time I fell in love with him. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first everything. We ended up being forced apart by my parents from some trouble we got into. ...
A. 11 September 2009: Point of clarification please, is your age 16-17? FA ... (read in full...)
Opinions from guys only please!
Q. Hey guys!!! Well I just want to know when you look at her, stare at her, watch her, when you’re talking to your friends corner of your eye is going on her, when she smiles and laughs you watch her. All this above do you serious like her ...
A. 11 September 2009: All this above do you serious like her or not? Maybe You know through some places you seen her but never spoke to her? is that a question? it is not a good sign for seriously liking her, a crush is still possible. What is your mind th... (read in full...)
What did he mean by wanting me to be submissive?
Q. My question is, what are dominant male and submissive female relationships all about. I was dating a dominant male who says I wasn't submissive enough and that I always had something to say. What did he mean? We hung out for 6 weeks and when I ...
A. 11 September 2009: Interesting question. We are all to some extent either dominant or submissive. In some dominant / submissive relationships the couple goes to extremes with one being always Dominant in everything, and the other being totally submissive. But most ... (read in full...)
Is 8 years too big an age gap?
Q. Hello, I'm a guy who just turned 25 last week and have started dating a brilliant girl who is only 16, 17 in a couple of months. Is this too big an age gap for a relationship? I've known this girl for a few months and she has had the hots for me ...
A. 9 September 2009: You might, for example, look at this relationship with a 4 year gap and see how well it is working out for the guy.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-fight-for-our-7-year-relationship.html
FA... (read in full...)
Is my ex just trying to be my friend or is he crazy?
Q. I am married and have two children. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Our marriage is great but can be a little better. Before I met my husband, I was with a man that was a cheat and very dominating. Beside all the flaws, he was great ...
A. 8 September 2009: You have the advice you need. He's a stalker take action.
You used to be excited by him because he was a "bad boy", now you have outgrown all that. The new you is not attracted to him or his type, in fact he scares you. He doesn't understa... (read in full...)
Help, I'm a sex addict and I think it's ruining me!
Q. Iv'e always had a high sex drive but it's getting ridiculous. I have been with my girl for 10 years now. We used to have more sex in the begining and it was great but now that she doesn't want so much anymore, I find myself turning to porn and i'm ...
A. 8 September 2009: You are right. You don't want to start a marriage with incompatible sex drives.
FA... (read in full...)
Is 8 years too big an age gap?
Q. Hello, I'm a guy who just turned 25 last week and have started dating a brilliant girl who is only 16, 17 in a couple of months. Is this too big an age gap for a relationship? I've known this girl for a few months and she has had the hots for me ...
A. 8 September 2009: I have often thought "what does a mature 21 + guy see in a teenage girl?" and there are some pretty rude answers to that. In your case you are reluctant and she is pursuing, so I'm thinking what's in it for her. The answer is prestige. She gets ... (read in full...)
I need advice about proceeding with my marriage plans.
Q. Dear Cupid: I have a dilemma. I recently got engaged to someone who I have been involved with for two years. To be honest, the person was involved in another relationship for a number of years when we got together but last year, things were ove...
A. 8 September 2009: If the legs aren't closed the relationship isn't. I think you moved on to engagement too soon. If this is a long engagement you may have enough time for him to close the old relationship. Remember to keep your eyes open, love is blind, so you ... (read in full...)
Does how he signed my birthday card have any special meaning to it?
Q. This is actually a pretty stupid question.But one that I would like some opinions on. Today was my birthday.I spent the day with somebody that I have been seeing for about 7 months.We have not talked about commitment and love and all of that.We ...
A. 8 September 2009: There is more than one kind of love. I love my extended family. I love close friends. I love my wife. But they are all different. I often sign letters with love. I'm sure it means some thing, probably not as much as you think.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm so guilty that I cheated on my husband. Should I tell him?
Q. A few days ago, I slept with a male friend while my husband was out of town visiting relatives. It only happened, once, i swear, and I did not intend for it to happen. I didn't set out looking to cheat, it's something that just happened. We'd had a ...
A. 8 September 2009: I don't want to rub salt into the wounds but your letter is such an opportunity to discuss these important things. First you are young and probably have not been married long. You have made some mistakes that others can learn from. Your husband ... (read in full...)
How do I get back on track and get these stupid thoughts out of my head?
Q. Hey, Well I broke up with my GF about 1 month ago. It was mutual, but we just felt we loved each other, but was not in love with each other. We were dating for neraly 2 yeras... We still see each other regularly, every 1-2 days I gues...
A. 8 September 2009: Of course you are not over her. You see her 4 of 5 times a week. You want to be best friends with her but you are eaten up with jealousy. You cant be her friend with those negative emotions coursing through you. You are settling into a fine ... (read in full...)
Should I ignore what I think are lies and try to move forward in our marriage?
Q. Several years ago my wife and I had a real problem. My wife moved in with another man. We had 2 young children (2 and 3). At first she asked me to move out and take the kids with me. Anything my wife really wants I will do (within reason). A good ...
A. 5 September 2009: SF,
Thanks for a well written question. The story itself will be helpful to some.
What I see from this whole story is that you are still holding on to a five year old lie. It still bothers and hurts you. Even after counseling, and reconciliati... (read in full...)
I want to talk after sex, he doesn't!
Q. when i have sex with my boyfriend i love it but when we get done he is always tired and it seems like he never wants to talk after we do and i love to talk after im a romantic girl that likes to talk about it after its over. he is always tired i ...
A. 5 September 2009: Romance means sex to men and talking to women. If you weren't so young and anxious you would talk first and avoid the sleepy time. I know all this but still find myself nodding off soon after sex. I think that the best course is to fulfill your ... (read in full...)
No affection, no sex and yet husband says he loves me and doesn't want a divorce
Q. If my husband works all the time like 7 days a week, and long hours. And he became impotent years ago. He does not do anything with me. Nothing around the house, like chores. He seats all day in his office and works.The children are grown , but ...
A. 4 September 2009: Gina,
I agree with the stress angle. The question is where does it start. Is he working late because he is impotent and can't face intimate relations so the work stress piles onto the medical stress then when his wife asks for more, it redo... (read in full...)
Can a person change after cheating/hurting you?
Q. Hey, Last month I organized a home party for my birthday, to which my girlfriend was invited as well (obviously). The thing is, she had way too much drinks, after which she did some things with another guy I didn't like at all. In my own house. Un...
A. 3 September 2009: Never get involved in a relationship with an addict, because nothing, not health, not money, not love , not even life is more important than the next fix.
FA... (read in full...)
No affection, no sex and yet husband says he loves me and doesn't want a divorce
Q. If my husband works all the time like 7 days a week, and long hours. And he became impotent years ago. He does not do anything with me. Nothing around the house, like chores. He seats all day in his office and works.The children are grown , but ...
A. 3 September 2009: If he loved you, your needs would be important to him. He would not risk you leaving him by ignoring you stated desires. He just hasn't put that all together in his head yet. The message he needs to get is "You can't expect me to be constant and ... (read in full...)
Why won't he let me perform oral sex on him?
Q. hi, i am a 21 year old girl, and my boyfriend is 26 we've been dating a lot, and are active with our sexual life. we had practically every type of sexual relations, even foot fetish and everything, but what bothers me, why wont he let me give ...
A. 3 September 2009: I hate to post "me too", there are some great answers here. I just want to add that I had a friend/acquaintance who didn't buy fancy lingerie for his wife because they both felt it was demeaning. It was good that the agreed on it.
I do think... (read in full...)
He says he has women on the side just in case I cheat on him so he wont look like a fool!
Q. My boyfriend and - of 6 yrs. Have our ups and downs. He has cheating on my once in the past about 2 and a half yrs ago. we grew up together. High school sweethearts so technically I have been dealing with him 6 or about 10 yrs. He got me a ring he ...
A. 3 September 2009: Revenge in advance. Strange as it sounds, this is not the first time I have heard this. Warped juvenile thinking. He has already made a split with you, he just didn't tell you until now.
I have no trouble with a guy, or girl, dating many gir... (read in full...)
Husband says he's not gay so what's his interest with "transmen???"
Q. My husband has recently lacked interest in sex in the last few weeks - and everything I've done has always ended in rejection. I tried: • Lap-dancing for him (but he fell asleep whilst I did it - he loved this previously!) • Cooking him a ro...
A. 3 September 2009: Has he been a regular porn user? or is this new? I know I posted last week saying that it is true that straight men look at transman porn. But, you situation is different, because he has lost interest in you. He has been flirting with an idea, ... (read in full...)
Is his cannabis really any worse than me having the occasional fag socially on a night out?
Q. Hi - really just looking for some opinions and advice. I've recently got back with my high school sweetheart after 5 years apart and everythin is gonig really well, however I've recently learned that he smoke cannais maybe once every one to two ...
A. 3 September 2009: First let me say I am a non user. so no first hand experience. Second I'm in the US so laws are different from the UK.
The difference between cannabis and alcohol and tobacco is legal. As an employer I test for Marijuana. I can test for alco... (read in full...)
My husband looks at she-male porn. Do straight men do this?
Q. My husband looks at shemale porn, but says he is not gay. The shemale's are cleary men with breast.what do you think? Are there any straight men that like to look at shemale porn? ...
A. 1 September 2009: Gay is such a wrong, misleading, inaccurate term. If we were to assume that a gay person is a man with same sex attraction then we would not expect him to be interested in She-male porn, because the images are so feminine. "Gay" porn exhibits ... (read in full...)
Went snooping through all of his things and found stuff from his past - do I have a right to be upset?
Q. I need to know if this is a *me* problem that I should work on personally, or if I need to talk to my boyfriend about it too. I'll apologize for this being so long now. I just have a lot to say about the issue at hand. This morning, I have no i...
A. 31 August 2009: I see some good things here. First he is organized, a rare gift among men. Second, he is not a quitter, he sticks with his loves. And third he is not treating you the same as the others, he is hoping for better. (the only reason I can think that ... (read in full...)
I want sex all the time!
Q. I first off I know that this is not a medical site but I am too self conscience to ask my doctor about this. I have a bf and we have a great relationship (been daing for 18 months) our sex life is beyond wonderful, but during the last 5 months or ...
A. 31 August 2009: Every now and again I read a post and think to my self "this is not an advertising forum for a social network". But I don't write it because it would be insensitive. I hope I don't get in trouble here. Mismatched libido happens at any age in any ... (read in full...)
How can I get the relationship with my daughter back on track?
Q. I have a 27 year old daughter who left home and does not speak to my husband, myself and my son. She does speak to my twin sister and my sister does not share what is going on in her life and that has made my sister and my relationship rocky. My ...
A. 31 August 2009: First off Stop trying to wedge yourself in. Pestering your sister to give you the information is jeopardizing her relationship with your daughter. A relationship that your daughter needs. It is a good sign that she does show up for family ... (read in full...)
I want to go out with him, but I feel that the age difference is holding me back! What do you think?
Q. Ok so Ive met this one guy online a few months. We live close and I actually found that we go to the same college. Well we met one day and hit it off. He is a sweetheart and I really like him. I think he has serious boyfriend potential. He is pretty ...
A. 31 August 2009: There is more age gap here than is apparent. Our original poster is right to be nervous. The maturity difference between the average 19 year old male and the average 22 year old female is about 7-10 years. The drinking age difference is also a ... (read in full...)
I don't like it shaved!
Q. I am what I think is a straight male. I however, cannot get aroused over a shaved pussy. There is nothing more repulsive than to see a five oclock shadow, stubble or worse, pimples! Now that ALL women shave and as I believe, we as a society are ...
A. 30 August 2009: It is not unusual for a man, or woman, at your age to have a declining interest in sex. If you read here regularly you will see it happens everywhere. You may feel that this lack of desire is an indication of a change in sexual orientation, but it ... (read in full...)
I was trying to make him jealous but now he won't talk to me!
Q. Okay, my problem really buggs me. Im 14 and i went away for a while and I made a friend named "Chloe", shes a girl and shes 17. Shes pretty hot but i think im prettier. While we were there we met a guy, "Bob" hes 18 and i told her i liked him and he ...
A. 28 August 2009: Ah, it must be the morning for revenge. There are a couple of things to talk about here. First jealousy and revenge are negative emotions, love is a positive emotion. They may feel quite similar but thy can not be mixed successfully. So when you ... (read in full...)
My friend died. Could I have stopped it? Do I talk to my friend about it or will it cause him problems?
Q. This is kinda a long qustion and one that has probably been a long time coming but which has suddenly been brought to the surface. I'm in a really awkward situation and I don't know what to do. When I was 14, my best friend killed himself. ...
A. 26 August 2009: I disagree with Sneaker. This issue to me is all about closure. You seem to have achieved closure for yourself but your sweetheart hasn't. I think getting closure as a couple will be helpful. But, (disclaimer here) I'm no expert. He has been ... (read in full...)
I need help! Wife is cheating!
Q. I've been married for 6 years and its been hard. My wife and I have two kids. Now, a couple of years ago she cheated on me when she went out with some friends to santa monica to spend the night. She sadi she thought someone gave her sonething ...
A. 26 August 2009: If you want to save your marriage as you have expressed. Get a job. Get on your own two feet. I take it you are living in property owned by your parents, and not with your parents. If that is the case start paying rent. If you are living with ... (read in full...)
I am 18, she is 13, can we get engaged?
Q. i like a girl in Mansfield but she love me will it be ok to get engaged to her, they are 13 years and i am 18 years old ? ...
A. 26 August 2009: I guess I have a closed mind. I've never met a "mature" 13 year old. I don't believe they exist. I'm still under 50 and I can't stretch my imagination to the point of having an emotionally, or mentally intimate relationship with a 15 year old. ... (read in full...)
He threatened to hurt me, what should I do?
Q. sorry-it's a bit of a long story.It started 3 years sgo-me and my boyfriend had a physical fight and I had bruises,a few days after that I started seeing him in places he should'nt have been-like near my mum's when I never took him there I kept ...
A. 25 August 2009: Yes it is too weird.
It is not OK to make you a prostitute. It is a crime.
It is not OK to talk about it.
It is not OK to hit you. It is a crime.
It is not OK to threaten you. It is a crime.
It is not OK to stalk you, it is Hara... (read in full...)
I am 18, she is 13, can we get engaged?
Q. i like a girl in Mansfield but she love me will it be ok to get engaged to her, they are 13 years and i am 18 years old ? ...
A. 25 August 2009: I guess the real problem I have with this is that at 13 she is not ready to make that kind of commitment. And can you hold out for 5 year + engagement. My advice is to let her enjoy her high school years.
FA... (read in full...)
17 year old girl and 15 year old boy?
Q. I am 17 going on 18 in December. My boyfriend is 15. I live in Michigan and he lives in Wisconsin. When I turn 18, am I considered a pedophile? We love each other very much and would like to keep dating, but he's a little worried I might get in t...
A. 25 August 2009: Good answer on the legal aspects. One thing I do know is when you are 18 there are new rules. Don't ever drive him across a state line. You should get some local legal advice as you have between 2 and 3 years to deal with this.
As to are you ... (read in full...)
What do men prefer thongs or knickers?
Q. Okay this is kind of two questions in one, but bare with me. First of all I'm in a relationship with a guy who's 4 years older than me (I'm 15, he's 19) but I met him because he's my best friend's brother, so I got to know him around his family, so ...
A. 25 August 2009: I read somewhere that women prefer boxers on men. I'm not sure how accurate that was as no survey was cited. It could just be the writers opinion. In the Latest "Get Smart" movie there is a very funny scene on the topic. One thing I do know is ... (read in full...)
What do I do when my daughters are being sexually molested!
Q. i dont know what to do when a father is sexually molesting my two daughters. [Moderator note: more information would be helpful for the aunts to give advice.]...
A. 25 August 2009: This Question hurts because I have been too close to it. People I know too well. I notice that the original poster said "a father" not my husband. A possibly significant point. While the answer to this question seems so obvious, it can be hard ... (read in full...)
He wants to move to be with me, but should I tell him not to because I know I wouldn't do the same for him? We're both very close to our families!
Q. My bf lives in another city to me. We are about a 14 hour drive apart from each other, or a 3 hour flight- yet that can be expensive. I really think he is 'the one'. When I am with him, it just seems so right. I have never had this feeling bef...
A. 23 August 2009: What is the tradition in your families? Many families like to keep tier daughters close, but the boys are supposed to leave. "A son is your son 'till he gets a wife, but a daughters your daughter for the rest of your life." Personally I don't ... (read in full...)
What excercises should I do, and what food should I eat, to help me lose weight?
Q. hey everyone. i know this is a relationship advice site...and my question hasnt much to do with that, but i was wondering if you could help me out. im a 16 year old teenager, who is about 5'5". i weigh about 145 and wear size seven jeans. i want...
A. 22 August 2009: See a Doctor. Your body mass index is Normal. That indicates that you need medical advice about weight goals before you start any diet.
FA... (read in full...)
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