| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Was it wrong of me to lose my virginity to my ex?
Q. Well first off i'm a 16 year old girl in serious need of advice! I would normally go to my mom or dad for advice but this time i cant. i feel like if i tell them ill disappoint them and thats exactly what i dont want. cuz like ever other norma...
A. 16 July 2009: Thanks for the follow up. It is always good to know we are being read.
Good luck with the discussion when your ex returns.
FA... (read in full...)
I don't know if what I'm feeling is love. How am I supposed to feel?
Q. Please no negative comments. I'm simply asking for thoughts. I need to start off with my dating history so you guys can fully understand. My 1st serious relationship was in high school. I was 14 and he was 17. So freshman and senior. Before t...
A. 16 July 2009: Angelmov,
Thanks for writing back! It is the reward we get for answering questions. It is also nice to know we were on the right track. Your question was one of the most fun answers I have written, because your future looks so bright.
FA... (read in full...)
I don't know if what I'm feeling is love. How am I supposed to feel?
Q. Please no negative comments. I'm simply asking for thoughts. I need to start off with my dating history so you guys can fully understand. My 1st serious relationship was in high school. I was 14 and he was 17. So freshman and senior. Before t...
A. 15 July 2009: Congratulations, I read through your letter reading all the "I" statements. Thinking to myself all along, she is right she doesn't know what love is. Then, pow! right at the end came this gem, "I just want him to be happy". That is it girl, that ... (read in full...)
My ex keeps popping up in my mind
Q. Hey guys, Well i have a bit of a problem on my hands and desperately need a bit of help!! Sorry if this post is a bit long, so bare with me!! I am 21yrs old, I am bi-sexual, and I have a girlfriend who is 24yrs old, who i have been with for ne...
A. 15 July 2009: You ask " is it possible to love two people?" The answer is yes there are plenty of historical accounts. The real question is is it easy? Almost never. The same historical accounts show plenty of turmoil and even bloodshed. You do love them ... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to lose my virginity to my ex?
Q. Well first off i'm a 16 year old girl in serious need of advice! I would normally go to my mom or dad for advice but this time i cant. i feel like if i tell them ill disappoint them and thats exactly what i dont want. cuz like ever other norma...
A. 15 July 2009: I'm going to take a little different tack on this question. It seems as if you are asking how to tell him (you ex boyfriend / current lover)how you feel. The problem is you don't know how you feel or what you want.
By reading between the line... (read in full...)
Addiction vs bad habit...what's the difference?
Q. will someone please explain the diffrence between an addiction and a bad habit thanks....
A. 15 July 2009: The best definition 0f an addiction that I have read was: When you know some thing is going to hurt you and those around you, and you still do it, then you are addicted. Addictions can be habits, as far as the meaning of the words. In general you ... (read in full...)
I dream of babies
Q. HEy i'm 20 and a virgin! when i was younger i never wanted children always said i wouldn't i work at a solicitors and one of the girls at work had a baby and when i seen him omg! my heart melted and i knew then on i wanted to be a mother. well anyw...
A. 15 July 2009: Thanks for writing back. I understand how your lives experiences tie into these dreams you have had even more than your recent experience with a baby. The dreams seem to be more about your emotional needs than about having your own baby.
I thi... (read in full...)
I dream of babies
Q. HEy i'm 20 and a virgin! when i was younger i never wanted children always said i wouldn't i work at a solicitors and one of the girls at work had a baby and when i seen him omg! my heart melted and i knew then on i wanted to be a mother. well anyw...
A. 14 July 2009: Your recent experience with a baby may be all that the dream is about, But babies are a dream symbol and it would be worthwhile to look them up at Dreammoods.com . It's too much for me to write it down all here but much of it applies to many people ... (read in full...)
Am I a slut or are my friends just prudes?
Q. So I hook up with a lot of guys, not as in have sex, but oral and makeout and stuff, a lot of my friends tell me I'm a slut, and they say that they're kidding, but I don't think they are. It could just be because they are prude, because I don't ...
A. 8 July 2009: People are different. How boring would life be if everyone had the same tastes, needs, desires, etc. Even professionals will not be pinned down to what is a "normal" frequency for sexual activities. Some people are happy with once a month or ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time or will things get better as she gets older? He has a child I get jealous over...
Q. Dear All I have been with my b/f for 18 mths now, he's 36 and I'm 28. We don't live together, I live alone and he still lives with his parents. He has a 7 yr old daughter from a short previous relationship. He was only with the mother for a few mths...
A. 8 July 2009: I think that Gina pretty much covered the Daughter issues. She is an important part of his life and they are not going to be separated. I'm seeing another pattern in this that worries me. He dotes on his Daughter, is dictated to by his Ex, and ... (read in full...)
Do you really think they like me or are they just being jerks?
Q. i've been through a lot this summer and its hard to be happy with all the dramma. pertty much i was dumped by my bf and almost everyong(literally) on facebook hate me. i dont kno y, but lots of ppl tend to call me a transexual? these guys from my ...
A. 3 July 2009: Randi,
For some reason I'm not familiar with Charlotte Russe, So I checked out their website. They have quite a variety of offerings. I get what you are saying, you don't dress like a tomboy. One of my daughters refuses to wear anything... (read in full...)
Why do I want to throw up when I remember my ex?
Q. I have this problem..all my friends say i lost a lot of weight. I just got out of a relationship and I know that this is the reason. Its not that I don't have an appetite to eat. I do have!! The problem is when I start to eat, I remember my ex and I ...
A. 2 July 2009: This smacks of a serious psychological disorder. You should at least consult a counselor or doctor.
FA... (read in full...)
My family relationships are falling apart!
Q. Ever since my boyfriend moved back to my home town. I've been rebelling with my family. My family doesn't approve, so ever since then my mom has been trying to keep me on a leash, so I rebel even more. She changed my curfew an hour less, and a...
A. 2 July 2009: The threat to kick a teen out was the worst mistake of my parenting life so far. On the other hand I do know a bit of how mom feels here. It's a bit like watching a car accident. You can see that someone is making a mistake and they are going to ... (read in full...)
Should I make appointments for relaxation for both of us?
Q. Should I make appointments for a day of relaxation for both of us? Or is it too much too soon? Okay, so I've been in a relationship with this great guy (6 months dating). Anyways, we planned a weekend get-away..and I just thought 'Hey, why not bo...
A. 2 July 2009: Looks like an ask first to me. BTW Starlights has it right Touching builds a bond. The scientific research backs it up. The couple that showers together stays together. I do the massaging in our marriage.
FA... (read in full...)
Can someone that cheats change their ways?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, I'd like your advice/to hear from your experiences about whether someone who cheats can change their ways. My bf and I have been together 5 years, and I recently found out he's been texting random women explicit pics/messages ...
A. 2 July 2009: It appears that he is sincere in his apology. He is distancing himself from the temptation. He was right when he said he messed things up. He did, it hurt. What you do next is between you two. He is probably not a bad person. I never liked the ... (read in full...)
Do you really think they like me or are they just being jerks?
Q. i've been through a lot this summer and its hard to be happy with all the dramma. pertty much i was dumped by my bf and almost everyong(literally) on facebook hate me. i dont kno y, but lots of ppl tend to call me a transexual? these guys from my ...
A. 2 July 2009: Hi, Randi,
The answer to your question depends a lot on the age of the boys. If they are closer to 13, Then it is possible that they do like you and are wondering why you aren't a good sport about their joking. In that case they accept you as "... (read in full...)
Father found out I had an abortion and I don't feel like talking about it with him
Q. A few months ago my 17 year old boyfriend and I ended up pregnant... we'd decided way before it ever happend what we would do.. Which for us sadly was abortion.. Now I know what your thinking baby killer right we'll my reasoning behind my decision ...
A. 23 June 2009: I really don't want to get into the rights or wrongs of the abortion or the events that led up to it. I'm not sure exactly who I'm writing to. Really More to the family than to the young woman who asked the question. First off the time to prevent ... (read in full...)
Is there anyone who can interpret this dream for me?
Q. this is a weird dream i had that nobody or any website can tell me what it means so i turned to the wonderful cupids. my husband and i got into a little fight last night and when i went to bed i had a dream were i was on this tour bus with some ...
A. 19 June 2009: Your dream has three powerful symbols in it. First the Bus. Buses in dreams indicate a lack of control. To be riding a bus means that you are not taking control of where your life is going. Just going with the flow. Your subconscious may be ... (read in full...)
I am white , my boyfriend is black, my family doesn't like it,, how do I change their attitude?
Q. i am confused i have a black boyfriend and i am white and my whole family dont like it and his family dont really care i dont know what to do ive been with him for almost 6 months. what can i do to make my family understand skin color dont matter?...
A. 19 June 2009: In an ideal world, color would not matter. After all we are all brown. Some lighter than others. I applaud your young idealism. But, obviously in your family, and probably in your community, color actually does matter. I'm not saying that it is ... (read in full...)
Pale skin and dark hair look beautiful to you?
Q. Ok this might be a silly question but I really need to figure this out. Summer is here ! I have been tanning for a couple of years but think I should stop because of all the skin cancer issues that it can cause. Plus the money issues i'm having at ...
A. 17 June 2009: Daniel, I thought Gomez Was Crazy about Morticia Addams, because she could speak French.
Anyway back to the main topic. Yes don't ruin your future skin by baking it in ultra violet light. It prematurely ages it. You have got good advice o... (read in full...)
Father's day gift for husband?
Q. this up comming fathers day is my husbands very first ever. i have no idea what to get him. every holiday i get him tools, he loves them dont get me wrong. but i dont want to be so obvious, and ruin to much of a good thing. Any fathers know of any ...
A. 11 June 2009: I do agree with Steve a bit. Fathers day is not nearly so important to the guys. On the other hand I am a bit bummed out this year. I had to buy my own because my wife was to busy. Takes the fun out of getting a gift. I like stuff for my ... (read in full...)
He invited me for coffee does that mean he fancies me?
Q. Hi, i'm Brenda and i'm 37.. been married no kids.. well i have a sandwich business and deliver to various offices, well theres this one guy who is hot - really hot - he has his own office (just him working there) we always chat for ages anyway he ...
A. 8 June 2009: Great! and thanks for letting us know how it went. I'm so happy for you that he asked you out and seems to be such a nice guy. Every one is nervous on a first date. He is probably more nervous than you. Try to relax and be your wonderful ... (read in full...)
Want to lose some weight quickly, any healthy suggestions?
Q. help! i've started eating really healthy and exercising is there anyway i can lose 3 stone in 3 months it's really important as i'm starting college soon and need that extra confidence boost, i've been eating healthy in moderation but now i'm thin...
A. 4 June 2009: A stone a month is about twice as fast as experts say you should lose weight. Any diet that makes you entirely give up something you love / crave / need, will fail because you will hate it and give up or cheat. I would recommend, sight unseen and ... (read in full...)
Why is it impossible to talk to your spouse about issues?
Q. Why is it near imposible to talk to your spouse about issues or problems on your mind? Why do they mistake it for an invitation to argue when you are just trying to sort out problems that are bothering you?...
A. 4 June 2009: Some people just like a good argument. Marriage is just not the place for it. There is something about the pattern of your relationship That needs adjustment. Many people get defensive when they are confronted with a problem. They use tactics to ... (read in full...)
Anyone know of a website that tells what dreams mean?
Q. Not a question as such. I was just wondering if any of you agony aunts or uncles knew of any website, where you can get answers on what a dream meant. I know its a bit of a far out question, but i had an awful dream/nightmare a couple of days...
A. 31 May 2009: Personally I like Dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/
I find that it helps me get a grasp on my dreams. I know it is cookie cutter, but it is free and a good place to start. Some dreams are more important than others.
FA... (read in full...)
He invited me for coffee does that mean he fancies me?
Q. Hi, i'm Brenda and i'm 37.. been married no kids.. well i have a sandwich business and deliver to various offices, well theres this one guy who is hot - really hot - he has his own office (just him working there) we always chat for ages anyway he ...
A. 27 May 2009: AHem!, It's well past Monday now. We are all cheering for you. So how did it go?
FA... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of those last extra pounds??
Q. I am 5ft 4inches and I'm almost 10 stone. I don't think I am fat, but I would like to be at my target weight of 9stone. Compared to others, I don't really have alot to lose, however because I'm not drastically overweight I am finding the extra ...
A. 27 May 2009: I've been taking a look at your situation. Congratulations your Body Mass index of 24 is in the Normal range. It would probably be a good idea to get a body fat calculation done at this point. You can do this yourself easily with the US Navy's ... (read in full...)
I WON'T leave her!
Q. There is a girl in my grade that I like and she hates me. I will NOT leave her. Please help me!!...
A. 21 May 2009: I would prescribe a reality check, followed by a good dose of humility. You can't make some one like you. Patience, Respect, Courtesy, and in this case long suffering are the keys to winning someone over. Right now she doesn't want you around, so ... (read in full...)
He invited me for coffee does that mean he fancies me?
Q. Hi, i'm Brenda and i'm 37.. been married no kids.. well i have a sandwich business and deliver to various offices, well theres this one guy who is hot - really hot - he has his own office (just him working there) we always chat for ages anyway he ...
A. 21 May 2009: No wonder he likes you. You have a great sense of humor!
FA... (read in full...)
Disturbing dream...
Q. I wonder, if somone here is familiar with dreams. I had this really disturbing dream last night. I woke up from it with a panic attack and now I wonder if it means anything. So I was walking down to a basement, looked like some big laborato...
A. 20 May 2009: Also look at "Laboratory Animals" and "Chest"
FA
... (read in full...)
He invited me for coffee does that mean he fancies me?
Q. Hi, i'm Brenda and i'm 37.. been married no kids.. well i have a sandwich business and deliver to various offices, well theres this one guy who is hot - really hot - he has his own office (just him working there) we always chat for ages anyway he ...
A. 20 May 2009: In a word, Yes.
He may be in the early stages, but he is setting aside time from a busy schedule to enjoy your company. I'm pretty sure this is his way of saying he is interested.
I'm just a little younger than him but from a different countr... (read in full...)
Is there a word for the male version of pretty?
Q. i have been dating this guy and hes so nice and when we're together he calls me pretty. the thing is i dont know how reciprocate to that. he is a very good looking guy and i want to say he is but i dont know how to say that. when he says you're ...
A. 20 May 2009: I think the best complement I ever got was when after about 20 years my wife said that when I walk in to the room her heart still flutters.
sorry to brag blush
FA... (read in full...)
Dream about friend's g/f..mean anything?
Q. okay first before i tell you my problem, i'd just like to say, i'm a good person, i dont cheat on girls,i'm a stand up guy, nice to all my mates, and they know that. i'd never go out fof my way to hurt some-one. right, last night i had a dream wh...
A. 20 May 2009: Well, the dream diary didn't help much with that one unless you count it as a cheating dream. If that is the case then it is not an indication that you like her but rather a problem inside you. Personally I like your analysis, She represents in ... (read in full...)
Disturbing dream...
Q. I wonder, if somone here is familiar with dreams. I had this really disturbing dream last night. I woke up from it with a panic attack and now I wonder if it means anything. So I was walking down to a basement, looked like some big laborato...
A. 20 May 2009: There have been a few dream questions lately. There was a time that I was having some disturbing dreams. What I did was to go to Dreammoods.com I found it very helpful in self analyzing. If nothing else it gave me something to think about. I ... (read in full...)
I would love to swap roles with my wife for the day!
Q. My greatest fantasy is to dress up as a woman in my wife's clothes. I want to go all out on this. Like shave my legs and armpits, bra stuffers, blonde wig, makeup... the works... and have my wife become the man for a day. Any advice?...
A. 18 May 2009: Thanks for cluing us in on this mad poster, but I do have a quick answer for this question.
Wait until Halloween.
FA... (read in full...)
Do I treat him the same way he treats me?
Q. I think my marriage is headed for a divorce and we haven't even been married for two years. Our one year anniversary was April 9th. He forgot. Which is nothing unusual, he would forget his own name if he didn't have to sign paperwrk at his job. His ...
A. 18 May 2009: You work with him. You live with him. You are with him 24 / 7 sounds like a dream. But, it's a nightmare. This is actually pretty common. My wife tried to work for the family business once it was a similar disaster. You two pprobably need a ... (read in full...)
Can I have an abortion without my parents knowing?
Q. Ok heres my question - At the age of 13 if you got pregnant can you go have an aboursion with out your parents coming with you or even knowing i would really like to know it would really help a situation i am in Thanks x...
A. 18 May 2009: Danelle,
It is admirable that you are concerned about your parents. It is also a good sign that you didn't say that they would punis you or kick you out. Aphex is giving you some 'tough love' and you are getting some good advice on medical help. ... (read in full...)
Can I have an abortion without my parents knowing?
Q. Ok heres my question - At the age of 13 if you got pregnant can you go have an aboursion with out your parents coming with you or even knowing i would really like to know it would really help a situation i am in Thanks x...
A. 15 May 2009: I don't know about the rules in the UK in the US it varies by state. I would bet you could get a consultation without your parents, and that would let you know for sure.
Additional advice that you didn't ask for and may not want ***read ... (read in full...)
Views on faith???
Q. What are peoples views bout faith?! Is it really mapped out for us or do we create our own destiny in life??????...
A. 15 May 2009: I question your question. I believe in having faith in God. I believe that miracles are worked by faith. I don't believe that we are predestined to anything. We are responsible to find our own way in life. We have to accept the consequences of ... (read in full...)
Fat joke that wasnt funny!
Q. my boyfriend I have been dating for 3 months told me he doesnt want me to lose weight as other men might fancy me, after seeing my hurt reaction he laughed it off saying he was joking but at the time did not seem that way...
A. 15 May 2009: My advice is for him. A happy supported woman is not likely to go looking. When she feells comfortable with her body she will be confident, and confdent is sexy. Support her in the effort. Don't be a diet coach. If she declines desert don't ... (read in full...)
Fat joke that wasnt funny!
Q. my boyfriend I have been dating for 3 months told me he doesnt want me to lose weight as other men might fancy me, after seeing my hurt reaction he laughed it off saying he was joking but at the time did not seem that way...
A. 15 May 2009: I want to add my two bits to this, even tho the topic is a bit old. Daffy has followed up so we knoow she is watching. Looking at your agesuprised me a bit, so many of the diet questions we get come from much younger women. The insecurity angle ... (read in full...)
Low Libido, Can't Talk About It
Q. An interesting thing has happened in my relationship with my wife. I suppose the proper thing to do would be to ask her, but she really gets uncomfortable when talking about sex. This is not new but a condition that has increased over the years. ...
A. 14 May 2009: Thanks for writing in MR. I and Troubled. We are still pre menopausal but her family has a long history of troubles with that change. I think the best face to put on it is to appreciate her opening up. It came as such a surprise. You have given ... (read in full...)
Going to meet his family but I'm not allowed to kiss him!
Q. Ok, I have been dating this guy for 6 months. He asked me to meet his family who live 5 hours away. I said yes. We are going to spend a week with them at the end of the month. Yesterday he told me that we wouldnt be able to sleep in the same room ...
A. 14 May 2009: No dancing either. I can't help but wonder if he is really fooling his parents. I certainly thought something was going on when my daughter moved in with her boyfriend.
Living a lie, misrepresenting the facts for a long period of time is not h... (read in full...)
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