| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
|
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 2 November 2009: Thanks for the update,
I think it is incredibly sad that an adult will use their child as leverage to get an opportunity to abuse someone, as some sort of twisted revenge. Of course we suspected this because we see it all to often. I think a ... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 4 October 2009: Nightingale,
It is true that I have never been a 14 year old young lady. It does tend to taint my perspective. I too am worried about the general level of acceptance for sexual activity among the younger people these days.
FA... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 4 October 2009: This is a hot topic and We have jumped on it as a way to talk about what we want to talk about to the exclusion of what the original poster asked, and needed to know.
You asked, "How can I explain that to my bf without him thinking I am being se... (read in full...)
Why would he want to spend time with an older woman when he could have me?
Q. I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me ...
A. 3 October 2009: You Keep asking great questions. I'll keep answering. Why are guys selfish. We as humans tend to be egocentric. We see the world as if were centered on us. As we grow up one of the great challenges is to see things from another person's point ... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 2 October 2009: Age is not only a number. Nothing is only a number. Where does this idea come from. Numbers represent things, they are symbols to help us understand and predict the world. Two years represents 670 days. It represents the difference between ... (read in full...)
Why would he want to spend time with an older woman when he could have me?
Q. I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me ...
A. 2 October 2009: You asked: "Why do I always meet the wrong one at the wrong time??"
Way back When I was a minor I fished for trout. One thing I learned is that if you fish in shallow warm water you will catch bass, not trout. And if you use tiny hooks you catc... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 2 October 2009: If you are 16 and she is 14 she isn't mature enough. If you are 17 and she is 15 she thinks she is mature enough, and you will likely dump her when you graduate, which will break her heart. Alternative ly you may continue to date her when you are ... (read in full...)
Why would he want to spend time with an older woman when he could have me?
Q. I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me ...
A. 2 October 2009: Lets see you're 21 he's 33. Just numbers? I don't think so. He graduated high school when you were in first grade. You don't even know the names of the bands he listened to in high school. Do you realize that he had to replace his cassette ... (read in full...)
Is there such thing as love at first sight?
Q. Is there such thing as love at first sight? Iv met this girl and only been out with her a few times and something just feels right about it and like we have a connection, i didnt want to sat anything but she said thats how she felt the same wa...
A. 1 October 2009: Heartbroken your cynicism is showing. It shows that you still have some healing to do.
To the Original Poster; Yes it happens. It did to me.
FA... (read in full...)
I dreamt I was getting married, what does this mean?
Q. Hey...its me again.lol.Well I have a quick question its probabaly a dumb one put yesterday I had a dream that I was getting married I don't know what this might mean do you guys have any idea what this dream might mean?? Thanks to whoever takes the ...
A. 1 October 2009: That is really hard to go on. You need to search your dream for symbols. A wedding can mean so many things. My suggestion is that you go to Dreammoods.com and read everything about marriage and wedding, and see which fits you best. Just put ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 1 October 2009: Here is how to put your point across to your boyfriend.
I don't want to have a baby. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't believe you will be a good father. You have an addictive personality and I don't trust you. I need you to support ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 1 October 2009: Many people get into a relationship thinking that I like her but she has some ideas I don't agree with. Perhaps with age she will come around. Perhaps if I love her enough she will be willing to change for me. But for now we are not committed and ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me what my dream means?
Q. Hello :D I appreciate it if it is hard to answer this question, but I am extremely curious. Last night I dreamt I was inlove with my crush, and he was my boyfriend (along with other random stuff happening, e.g us going on a giant bouncy castle.)...
A. 30 September 2009: You are happy with your relationship with your crush. You feel that to go forward with the relationship would be an honor and an achievement for you. But, you are worried that pushing the issue with him will end your current relationship.
... (read in full...)
Am I too fat to attract a boyfriend?
Q. Am I Fat To Have a borfreind? 15 years...60 kg....152 cm .....
A. 30 September 2009: I hate the Body Mass Index. I feel that it really isn't a good indicator of health. But, here where we respond "sight unseen" I use it as a rough estimating tool. The original Posters BMI is 26 making her overweight, but at 57 kg she would be in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 30 September 2009: I am personally against abortions because there are thousands of couples out there who would give everything they own to have a child to raise.
Your question was not really whether or not to have an abortion but how to deal with the boyfrien... (read in full...)
I'm married want to know if its ok to indulge in sex with someone else?
Q. i am a married for last 3 years, last year i met a guy who is single. intially it was a good friendship. he is 3 years younger to me. we used to talk a lot. gradually he started expressing his feeling and talking all about himself. one day i saw his ...
A. 26 September 2009: No
Not only are you having an sexual affair you are having an emotional affair. If you don't want to cheat your husband, stop doing it. In what way haven't you already cheated him?
Your actions are not OK.
The only thing you haven't given ... (read in full...)
Am a lover? Or his mother?
Q. I am sittin here angry....why becoz I have a Man (boy) in my house that thinks he is my boyfriend. However, we have as often a nun and a monk....and he does not work, I cook, I clean, I do it all...as he sits and watches, doing his thing....we use ...
A. 26 September 2009: Please see my previous answer on this subject.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-keeps-mooching-off-my-bank-account.html
Then send your story to her she needs to hear it.
I have seen this all too often. The only solutio... (read in full...)
Is it weird for a girl to enjoy porn?
Q. i'm a girl, with a pretty damn good sex life, but i secretly love to watch porn. is that weird? my ex thought it was hot, but he was very open and adventerous, to "normal" guys is it weird for me to like to watch porn?...
A. 26 September 2009: Actually, the statistics bear out what Mandy (pepper) has said. Female use of porn is nearly as high as male. Even when you don't count Jackie Collins users. I'm not saying it's healthy, but then you didn't ask. . . . .
FA... (read in full...)
He promised me he'd always be at my side but that was a lie. Help!
Q. Hello everyone. I just need a little help, if not that, support, to get through this. My boyfriend, whom I have been with for two years straight, broke up with me last night. I didn't want to let him go because we really had something there. And for ...
A. 26 September 2009: Wow, That is a remarkably cruel thing to do. Sounds like emotions are high and getting out of control. Remember this police no contact order goes both ways. For your safety you need to avoid contact with this group as well. Also this is the ... (read in full...)
Who's right? Him? Or me?
Q. Please help me out...Recently I asked about my relationship. And now my boyfriend wants his question answered.He wants to know is it right for me to text or call him like every 3 hours when he is not home..But here is why I do In the first part of ...
A. 25 September 2009: It is unusual for Q and I to take such opposite sides on a question. Without retracting any thing I said about your problem, I agree with Q that this guy is certainly not much of a catch, by your description.
FA... (read in full...)
He's 6 years older than me but I really have feelings for him, its an online romance
Q. Ok so basiclly i'm quite young and i live in another country to this other guy who is 20 and 6 years older than me and he isn't a perv or nothing due to the plain and simple fact i lied about my age i look older anyways and i'm more mature so when i ...
A. 25 September 2009: You want an honest opinion? My opinion is that you should not go to his country, you should not date him you should not have sex with him and you should stop using him. What follows is the reason for my opinion. You are not going to like it.
... (read in full...)
Overly critical spouse
Q. I think my husband is overly critical and he thinks that i m overly sensitive. I feel he lives in a dreamworld where he feels the need to have a perfect wife with a perfect figure who is also a great cook etc etc. I feel he is always criticising me ...
A. 25 September 2009: Interestingly I find your letter to be very critical of him. You are of course perfect and all of the problems in your marriage stem from his behavior. And should you do something wrong it is because he made you do it. When you say he lives in a ... (read in full...)
Who's right? Him? Or me?
Q. Please help me out...Recently I asked about my relationship. And now my boyfriend wants his question answered.He wants to know is it right for me to text or call him like every 3 hours when he is not home..But here is why I do In the first part of ...
A. 25 September 2009: I really hate when post start out; "Who is right?" I want to say "do you want to be right? or do you want to be together?" Some outsider saying that you are right or he is right is not going to change the way either of you feel. So the question ... (read in full...)
Guys: Do you still think of your ex when in relationship with someone else?
Q. Just a qucik question to the guys who come here! Do you still think about your ex gf's or ex wives whilst you are in a relationship? If so how, when and why? Thanks :)...
A. 25 September 2009: If I understand this right the original poster needs men's actual experience and not speculation from women. Therefore I'm adding to the already great answers. It is hard from my personal experience since I have been in a stable relationship for ... (read in full...)
Men: Is sex 3-4 X a week too much?
Q. one for the guys here?? I am I would like to think quite a attractive women, I am a mum but still look after myself.. The trouble is my sex drive is sooo much higher than my partners, it's got too the point that if ever I mention sex he gets rea...
A. 24 September 2009: In clinical psychology they are very careful not to say what is a "normal" amount of sex. Because it varies so much. What is low for some is high for others. A mismatch in sex drive is difficult for couples to work through. The most important ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me what my dream meant?
Q. i had a dream last night that i was just hanging with a random girl, we weren't 'doing' anything but i was really happy that i was just chilling with a friend, can anybody tell me what this means?...
A. 24 September 2009: A dream that you are happy can be compensating for the sadness in your real life. You are making up for what is missing in your life.
Were there any other memorable details of the dream? We don't have much to go on.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm terrible at math. What can I do to overcome this?
Q. I am a freshman in school and I am getting back on track after a terrible semester. I still need to pass my math placement test and I am terrified. I am TERRIBLE at math! I'm so scared I might not pass or do well in the rest of my classes. I also ...
A. 24 September 2009: I am lucky not to have your trouble with math.
Some of my kids have my head for math and some don't. There are two ways to work math. When you study cognitive theory soon this will make more sense. One is concrete reasoning. Most people w... (read in full...)
Where does the cum go during sex?
Q. Okay im just curious and just a lil confused. When a girl has sex with the guy, withought a condom where does all the cumm go? does it stay in or does it come back out. And when girls clean their genatalia waht/how do they do it ive heard of...
A. 24 September 2009: Well to the women out there you need to understand that you are very mysterious to uninitiated young men. It is part of why men are so captivated by you.
To the young man douche is from the Greek word for shower. It is a rather old fashione... (read in full...)
He promised me he'd always be at my side but that was a lie. Help!
Q. Hello everyone. I just need a little help, if not that, support, to get through this. My boyfriend, whom I have been with for two years straight, broke up with me last night. I didn't want to let him go because we really had something there. And for ...
A. 24 September 2009: Here's some thing to think about, Just a quote from a movie you might be too young to remember.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fift... (read in full...)
Do I tell her I saw her asleep, under the covers, with her shirtless (but with trousers on) ex on the top of the covers?
Q. Just before I get started, I known this girl for 9 years, she always wanted me and I wanted her, we date 6 years ago, didnt last cause she was busy with school. Now we are dating again, and Im the first person she fell in love with and I love her...
A. 22 September 2009: Mr 090, you got dumped. You just haven't figured it out yet. You are now just another one of her exes that she likes to keep on the line. Like so many women she is unable to release old lovers, she keeps bringing them back in. She may be saying ... (read in full...)
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 22 September 2009: So, love and patience didn't work. Now you are trying blackmail? How is this going to improve your relationship.
Strangely, after saying that, I do have some sympathy for you. I often have to "deal" with difficult customers. People who want... (read in full...)
I would love to have a boyfriend and have sex...
Q. I'm 24 and I still live at home with my parents and brother. I've not had a boyfriend since I was at school and I am still a virgin. I'm very shy and don't go out much. I would like to have a boyfriend and have sex. What should I do?...
A. 22 September 2009: I would suggest a group involved in service. you get more honest people there. Also it tends to bring out the best in you. Also don't be so anxious to scratch your itch. real happiness comes from deep relationships not quickie sex.
FA... (read in full...)
The weirdest dream ever...!
Q. Hi, any psychological help on the following, last night was the very first dream I could remember for a really long time. I'm not sure if it could mean something.... It goes like this, there was this house, a house which my family and I stayed in ...
A. 22 September 2009: Nicely done Eve,
There is a bit of something in the dream about the passage of time. Also the colors are interesting. Could red yellow and white represent a sunset. Colors usually mean what they would mean to the dreamer if awake.
FA... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend wants to get back with me but I'm engaged, how do I tell him?
Q. I dated a guy in high school for 2 and a half years. During that time I fell in love with him. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first everything. We ended up being forced apart by my parents from some trouble we got into. ...
A. 19 September 2009: Sounds great torn,
It looks like he is taking the respect role. Remember to guard your heart, there is still danger.
And a BIG thank you for writing back and letting us know how it came out.
FA... (read in full...)
Do I get out?
Q. Do I get out? I am a 30 yr old female. With husband for 10 years and married for 4.5 with no children. I am very unhappy with my relationship and with my husband. I have been unhappy for years. And I hate to admit it but I was unhappy before w...
A. 18 September 2009: I don't want to say you are not smart because you are smart. But I think you need to step back from the situation, and get a better point of view. You have goals that you are being held back on. Almost all of your frustration with your husband ... (read in full...)
He was so rude on while texting me but was the opposite in person...
Q. Hi, i am just confused a bit..if anyone can help. I saw my ex the other day which at first I tried to avoid because I am still too hurt about our break-up and upset that he ignored my IMs and text messages and even my last email. I really feel he...
A. 18 September 2009: It is much easier to lie in a text or email than it is in person. So in person is more reliable. That is not the main point here. You know he is not good for you. He knows he wants to move on. You need to keep avoiding him.
FA... (read in full...)
I do not understand how a man can live with you and still never notice anything you do that makes you look nice.
Q. I do not understand how a man can live with you and still never notice anything you do that makes you look nice. My b/f never compliments me on how I look. If I get my hair cut. He never says a word. If I come home with a new colour. Nothing. I can ...
A. 14 September 2009: He is a Guy. Terrible congenital birth defect. It will kill him at around 70 years.
But joking aside, I would like to apologize for all of us. We go through life blindly staggering from one day to the next never noticing the color of the wall... (read in full...)
Should I ignore what I think are lies and try to move forward in our marriage?
Q. Several years ago my wife and I had a real problem. My wife moved in with another man. We had 2 young children (2 and 3). At first she asked me to move out and take the kids with me. Anything my wife really wants I will do (within reason). A good ...
A. 14 September 2009: I'm going to stick my foot in it one more time . . . .
Forgiving someone means that it never happened. How can you heal your soul by rubbing salt in to open wounds. IT does Mr. sf69 no good to know every detail. It does him no good to force Mr... (read in full...)
We got back together 2 months ago after he cheated, but now it's really bothering me!
Q. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year when he unexpectially cheated on me. Our relationship was going very well and we didn't have any problems. I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school, he just turned 18 and started college. The first week of ...
A. 14 September 2009: It is probably bothering you more now because you have the time to think about it. You will have to work through all the pain. This betrayal is not simple for anyone to put to the side. In Love there is always the risk of loss. In order to feel ... (read in full...)
We got back together 2 months ago after he cheated, but now it's really bothering me!
Q. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year when he unexpectially cheated on me. Our relationship was going very well and we didn't have any problems. I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school, he just turned 18 and started college. The first week of ...
A. 14 September 2009: You are a little young and inexperienced for this. He violated your trust in him. That hurts. You have already decided to forgive him. You trust him again. You just need to get past grieving for the loss you have suffered. That will take some ... (read in full...)
Why are my boyfriends friends/roomates so mean to me?
Q. I'm a female, 20, and I've always had boys for friends because I don't like confrontations or drama that I get with girls, so in the past 3-4 years I've become best friends with a group of 5 guys who've pretty much been there for me and have been ...
A. 14 September 2009: They were Jacks friends before he was your boyfriend. Out of respect for Jack they treat you differently. This is just one of the many ways Guys are different than girls. Sorry this is just the guys version of "Drama".
FA... (read in full...)
I finally told him about my lies to him, and he broke up with me, calling me selfish and manipulative! How do I get him back?
Q. Ok, so a few years ago, a boy moved to where i live, and i liked him instantly but i was too afraid to say anything to him...i liked him for three years until i finally found out that he likes me too, and we ended up getting togeather, it was an ...
A. 14 September 2009: There comes a time when you have to face the harsh truth. This answer is very harsh. If you are not ready for that stop reading now.
__________________
You seem to be confusing love with power and jealousy.
You can't make another person ... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend wants to get back with me but I'm engaged, how do I tell him?
Q. I dated a guy in high school for 2 and a half years. During that time I fell in love with him. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first everything. We ended up being forced apart by my parents from some trouble we got into. ...
A. 14 September 2009: I have been keeping up with this thread. I just wrote a bit at the first because an engagement at 17 didn't seem serious. At this point I an ready to give some real world advice. Many women, including my wife, have trouble understanding the way ... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend wants to get back with me but I'm engaged, how do I tell him?
Q. I dated a guy in high school for 2 and a half years. During that time I fell in love with him. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first everything. We ended up being forced apart by my parents from some trouble we got into. ...
A. 11 September 2009: Point of clarification please, is your age 16-17? FA ... (read in full...)
Should I ignore what I think are lies and try to move forward in our marriage?
Q. Several years ago my wife and I had a real problem. My wife moved in with another man. We had 2 young children (2 and 3). At first she asked me to move out and take the kids with me. Anything my wife really wants I will do (within reason). A good ...
A. 5 September 2009: SF,
Thanks for a well written question. The story itself will be helpful to some.
What I see from this whole story is that you are still holding on to a five year old lie. It still bothers and hurts you. Even after counseling, and reconciliati... (read in full...)
| *atherly Advice's friends
These are mutual friends, so *atherly Advice has
added them and they have added *atherly Advice!
|
