A
female
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anonymous
writes:My bf lives in another city to me. We are about a 14 hour drive apart from each other, or a 3 hour flight- yet that can be expensive. I really think he is 'the one'. When I am with him, it just seems so right. I have never had this feeling before. I have finally found a guy who has the same values as me. He respects me and likes me for me. We believe in all of the same things. All my ex bfs- never respected me, would abuse me etc, and they never shared the same values as me and would try to force me to change mine. Sometimes I cant believe my bf is real- because we seem so right for each other.The probelm is the distance. He said hes thinking about moving up to be with me. He could easily get a job up here and they pay more where I live for his type of work he does as they are in high demand. But I would feel so bad for him giving up his family and life where he lives just for me. I would forever feel guilty, because I am not sure if I could do the same for him. I mean I love him, and want to be with him, but moving away from home is such a scary thing. I am very close to my family and am still young- 20 years old. I cant imagine leaving, despite how much I want to to be with him. I dont know if I should tell him not to move here for me- I want him to move here, but I would just feel so bad knowing I wouldnt do the same in return. I am quite attached to my family. What do I do?
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reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (23 August 2009):
 What is the tradition in your families? Many families like to keep tier daughters close, but the boys are supposed to leave. "A son is your son 'till he gets a wife, but a daughters your daughter for the rest of your life." Personally I don't follow that one But I've seen it. You are just 20 and not fully ready to leave the safety net. He has more than one reason to live near you. I think his move is a good idea, especially if he is a bit older than you. It gives him a better job, and a chance to get to know you better before you are fully committed. The problem with long distance relationships, (or rather one of the problems) is that it is easy to hide unpleasant parts of your personality. Anyone can keep their socks picked up for a week.
I suspect that you are overemphasizing the guilt you would feel if he moved. You didn't ask him to move it was his idea. If you tell him not to move you will break up the relationship. So, why would you want to break up the relationship? Because you afraid to go further with it. You simply are not ready to commit to a closer relationship. You like him at a distance. At your age and, based on your previous experience, that is very understandable.
I think it is a good idea for him to move closer. I think it would be a bad idea for you to move in with him. You can let him know that you are unwilling to move in the future. You should let him know that you are not ready to move in. Also let him know the things you really do like about him. You should both be aware that his moving is not a guarantee that things will work out between you two. He may decide he needs to go back home. Or a hundred other things.But it is a good step forward for the relationship.
One other thing. If he is determined to move, you really can't stop him.
FA
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female
reader, MistressNataliee  +, writes (23 August 2009):
Meet each other halfway..literally.Why not save up and buy a place together, in between both your towns? Its definetly fair i think, and equal.
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