A
male
age
51-59,
Fatherly Advice
writes:This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?" thread is not the place for an exhaustive explanation of the whole thing, but it is important enough to open an article about it.Gifts are one of the seven major love languages. What this means is that many people express their love by giving gifts. Also some people feel loved when they receive gifts. These are the people who really drive the Christmas / Valentines market. Not to make light of this. There is nothing materialistic about it. Many people value gifts because of the time and thought that went into getting them. Some gift givers will put much more into the gifts for that special person in their life. What is important to note is that if this is not your love language, you need to understand that for the people in your life who do use this language this is very important to them. And vice versa, if gifts are important to you and your partner is a poor gift giver, it is probably because they don't understand how this is important to you.Looking at this from the emotional needs perspective gifts are a demonstration of the givers ability to provide safety and security. Especially financial security. It can be seen as an indicator of the givers selflessness,, or willingness to provide. In the Soup thread this is the case. It is becoming a major factor in mate selection. In fact the soup has become a symbol of his willingness to give.Many people have written recently about inappropriate gifts. Giving a gift that is too personal to a mere acquaintance. Worse yet, giving the same gift to a spouse and a daughter. It is perfectly acceptable to give the same gift to all of your employees. In fact a good way to avoid litigation, but with closer relationships, buying the shopping clubs item of the month for everyone is lazy. By close I would say romantic partners of any level also family and close friends. To simplify, a plate of cookies is fine for the neighbors, but your wife expects a personalized cake on her birthday.I know I said that there is nothing materialistic about this, but you will be judged by the value of your gifts. Be careful money is not the only measure of value. Gifts should be of first quality, appropriate to the relationship, thoughtful, and timely. As we get older our supply of things starts to get overwhelming. You will find older people requesting no gifts, simply because they have no place for it. These people can still speak the gifts love language, but the gifts they want are sometimes the hardest to give. Often they would love to receive your time. They would value a visit over diamonds. Men are another difficult category. Every year around Christmas we get loads of questions about what men really want. Followed quickly by, "and don't say something sexual" which rules out most of the truth. Top replies to this question usually include food. Jerky bouquets, beer of the month, and my favorite, Plate of Nacho's and an action movie.I'd add a paragraph on gifts for women but it's just too complicated for me. Thanks for reading this article and feel free to add your wisdom.FA
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