| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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What excercises should I do, and what food should I eat, to help me lose weight?
Q. hey everyone. i know this is a relationship advice site...and my question hasnt much to do with that, but i was wondering if you could help me out. im a 16 year old teenager, who is about 5'5". i weigh about 145 and wear size seven jeans. i want...
A. 22 August 2009: See a Doctor. Your body mass index is Normal. That indicates that you need medical advice about weight goals before you start any diet.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and have just found out my boyfriend has another 3 babies on the way!
Q. I'm pregnant by my boyfriend. I told him he wants nothing to do with the child. Found out he has 3 babies on the way. I don't want a abortion because I had one when I was younger. I just turned 30 years old. He's 26 years old. I've been seeing him ...
A. 21 August 2009: 4 times birth control failure? Sounds like operator error. I really suspect that there is another truth out there. Some thing that has been hinted at, but not said outright. This guy is some kind of Super Stud? Obviously he doesn't believe in ... (read in full...)
I'm married and believe that God hates divorce, but I am drawn to another Christian. What should I do?
Q. Hi all... I am married to my hubby now for almost 3 years, I am and have never been sexually attracted to him. One thing that really gets to me is that he is not circumsized, I have never been with a guy that has not been circumsized before. Don't ...
A. 21 August 2009: Proverbs 6:16 (on the subject of the Lords hate)
(on the subject of the post)
I too am wondering how on earth you two got married. Was it an arranged marriage? You lived together for only one year and you have Kids (plural). Are they from a ... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend were caught in the house together so my dad hit both of us!! What do I do?
Q. im 15. my parents caught me meeting my boyfriend twice at my house when my parents werent home. hes 19. the second time we got caught my dad beat him and slapped me twice and tied out heads together with a belt and almost threw us out together but ...
A. 19 August 2009: Dear 15,
You have a bad situation here. One, in America you can't just beat people. It's assault in your boyfriends case, and child abuse in your case. What your parents can do, in some states, is file statutory rape charges against your boy... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and have just found out my boyfriend has another 3 babies on the way!
Q. I'm pregnant by my boyfriend. I told him he wants nothing to do with the child. Found out he has 3 babies on the way. I don't want a abortion because I had one when I was younger. I just turned 30 years old. He's 26 years old. I've been seeing him ...
A. 19 August 2009: You have no obligation to have an abortion for his convenience. Fortunately for you The Army will make getting child support easier. At least that is my understanding. There are options aside from abortion if you feel you can not raise the ... (read in full...)
Is hair on boobs common? Does it turn guys off?
Q. Ok this part of the question is for girls - ok well do u guys have hair on ur boobs? And if u do, do u guys shave it and is there just a little bit of hair or a lot? Is it normal to have hair there? Ok boy ur turn! - okay well on girls the hair o...
A. 15 August 2009: Here is a guy answer for you. A mature guys view. Younger guys tend to be less tolerant. I have really never thought about hair there. But I know this I would rather see hair than feel stubble. I know that you girls have to deal with stubble on ... (read in full...)
I want the REAL deal!
Q. Ok, so my boyfriend (6 months dating) is talking about us moving out together in the near future. Us buying a home is a huge deal and commitment!! All this talk gets me ancy. But what about a ring on this finger?? I haven't told him yet, but I'm not ...
A. 15 August 2009: Well, you know what you want. Share your dreams with him. Be realistic a house and a big wedding and a huge ring may be more than a young couple can afford all at once. q1605 is right that it is the commitment that you two have for each other ... (read in full...)
Is not being sexually compatible enough reason to end a marriage?
Q. I have been married for 3 years. When my husband and I first got together we had a great sexual relationship. and even more so because we both lost our virginity to one another. it is special and he pleased me and I like to think I did the same. ...
A. 15 August 2009: You have mismatched sex drives, not sexual incompatibility. It has been known to end marriages. His drive sounds pretty low to me for his age, although there is no standard. You8 need to get him into a good doctor who knows something about male ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend makes my life living hell
Q. ok my ex boyfriend is really mean .he is going around telling every one i have a mustache and im fat.and i cry at school and stuff cause everyone makes fun of me and after he says it he ask me back out and i always say yes i dont know why i just ...
A. 14 August 2009: Gina,
Nice answer, succinct and to the point. I'm wondering about babygurll's inability to resist his advances.
There are many women out there trapped in abusive relationships, so this is not an unusual situation. Then there is the old attr... (read in full...)
It's a constant struggle trying to lose my tummy fat and it won't go away! What can I do?
Q. Hi there =) I have struggled with weight maintenance for as long as I can remember and I have pretty bad genetics. Everyone is obese with diabetes in my adult family (aunts, uncles, grandparents) and an aunt on both my mother and fathers side have ...
A. 14 August 2009: I have no advice, but I want to comment on how well you are doing. You really are an inspiration to the rest of us. Especially considering your genetics. That belly fat is related to the diabetic tendencies. It is never going to be easy for you ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and addicted to porn
Q. Hi i'm a 15 year old girl and i am addicted to porn! i dont know what to do! everytime i am alone or someone is downstairs i always turn to porn! i always masturbate while doing it. i am really afraid that i will grow up to be one of those bad nas...
A. 14 August 2009: I hesitate to jump in to this because I'm afraid of getting beat up for my opinion. Addiction is doing something that you don't want to do, because you have to. You are self compelled.
If you feel that you are addicted and you want to stop, th... (read in full...)
She read my e-mail, about her weight, and dumped me, any advice?
Q. My girlfriend of 11 months invaded my privacy, went through an email and saw an email I sent my best friend which said exactly this: "I love my girlfriend. She has a beautiful face, but she is letting herself go. How can I get her to drop 15-20lbs?" ...
A. 13 August 2009: I'd like to apologize for that last post. It really was quite harsh. I guess I got carried away. As to making assumptions, we often have to when we answer these questions we really don't have all the information.
The more I think about th... (read in full...)
Is a month too soon to tell someone you love them?
Q. Me and this girl i met a month ago have been talking a lot almost every day. well 2 days ago she out of the blue tells me she loves me. I'm like huh? she said i love you. i love everything about u. i like her but can't say love. Is a month too soon ...
A. 12 August 2009: Wow!!
Let me tell you what has happened from an outside perspective. Then I'll answer your question. Your girl just went way out on the limb and exposed herself to you by baring her feelings. She is pretty vulnerable in this position so don't... (read in full...)
She read my e-mail, about her weight, and dumped me, any advice?
Q. My girlfriend of 11 months invaded my privacy, went through an email and saw an email I sent my best friend which said exactly this: "I love my girlfriend. She has a beautiful face, but she is letting herself go. How can I get her to drop 15-20lbs?" ...
A. 11 August 2009: I'm not too sympathetic either. Let me summarize. You don't like people going through your e-mail. She likes going through your e- mail. You like telling people when to lose weight and how to take care of them selves. She doesn't like being ... (read in full...)
Already had sex is it going to hurt this time too?
Q. Ok so i already had sex before well my first time it was pretty painfull. I gotten fingered a few times. But my main concern is will it still hurt this time? Should he finger me before we have sex.I dont think we can use a lube because we are using ...
A. 11 August 2009: Don't use a petroleum based oil get a lube made for the purpose, K-Y Jelly is readily available in the U.S. at grocery stores and department stores. There are other better products, but K-Y is cheap and effective, and condom safe.
FA... (read in full...)
I feel my wife wants me to compromise too much. thoughts please?
Q. We all know that marriage is about giving and compromising, but what should I do if the compromise I have to make is against the personal values i hold dear, and I have to give in to demands that don't make sense to me? My newly married wife and...
A. 11 August 2009: I learned From Ellen Kreidmans books That women constantly compare the amount of time, money, attention, etc. that you spend on them to the amount you spend on anything else. Especially time you spend on your mother. It is as if they have a ... (read in full...)
Whenever I run my throat fills with phlem, is there a way to stop this?
Q. Hi. So, on a regular basis i do light to moderate exercise. But i never ever run unless im forced to in p.e (im still on summer break). But whenever i do run my throat fills up with phlem and it makes it harder to breathe. ive never smoked before ...
A. 6 August 2009: A peak flow meter tests how fast you can breath out. It is used to help in treating asthma. I was thinking it was used in diagnosis but often it is unreliable for that. In Asthma the airways contract and the peak flow readings drop from 100% to ... (read in full...)
Whenever I run my throat fills with phlem, is there a way to stop this?
Q. Hi. So, on a regular basis i do light to moderate exercise. But i never ever run unless im forced to in p.e (im still on summer break). But whenever i do run my throat fills up with phlem and it makes it harder to breathe. ive never smoked before ...
A. 5 August 2009: Are you sure you don't have asthma (exercise induced). Have you been to a doctor and taken a peak flow meter test? Your symptoms sound just like my daughters.
What we did when she was in junior high was put her on a tread mill at my health c... (read in full...)
Why is "No Contact" good for break ups?
Q. Yeah I know I am smart and intelligent and mature enough for my age to know the answer to this but my heart is contradicting it. I have been 3 months apart from my ex, obviously, I still love him as this gives me the reason to write here. I ha...
A. 4 August 2009: O P writes: Maybe it doesn't apply to everyone this NO CONTACT rule. Do you think so?
What you are doing is clinging on to the ex to hold you over, or as a back up, or whatever. You are keeping him and you from moving on and forward. All in t... (read in full...)
Women- what do you do after an unromantic proposal, and Men- why do you do it?
Q. Anyone, who got a proposal of marriage, which wasn't special in anyway and to be honest, very disappointing, but still said yes to it (because you are certain that he is the one)? How do you deal with it? Women, what do you do after the engageme...
A. 4 August 2009: Good job refocusing on the important part. How to get over it.
I'm not good at this part but I will give it my best shot. First, forgiveness and tolerance are paramount in making a marriage work. You need to let it go, stop focusing on it. ... (read in full...)
What is the medical reason that I would need birth control?
Q. I am a 22 year old college student and I recently went to the gynecologist to get birth control. SHe wrote me a prescription for Yaz but when I went to fill the prescription. I wsa told that I was not covered. I am a dependent on my mother's ...
A. 4 August 2009: It is a nasty loophole insurance company's have been using for years to get out of covering birth control or pregnancy for the people who need it the most. The medical reason the pharmacist was looking for was extreme mood swings or exceptionally ... (read in full...)
I feel my mother's actions are completely unreasonable. Any suggestions?
Q. hello. i am 15 years old. and i would just like to hear some opinions on my situation. basically, i don't understand why my mother doesn't see that i'm responsible and mature and i dont know why she doesn't trust me. first of all, i do plenty o...
A. 3 August 2009: Just in case fifteens mom is checking up on her, Your doing a good job. It is so hard to know how much freedom to allow and every kid is different.
Fifteen, you need to open up and trust mom some more. You are not the first fifteen year old... (read in full...)
Women- what do you do after an unromantic proposal, and Men- why do you do it?
Q. Anyone, who got a proposal of marriage, which wasn't special in anyway and to be honest, very disappointing, but still said yes to it (because you are certain that he is the one)? How do you deal with it? Women, what do you do after the engageme...
A. 3 August 2009: For some reason the system is not identifying you as the original poster. So I don't get notice of follow up questions.
To answer your Questions:
I asked the same woman 3 times. The first time was the accidental proposal. I had really inten... (read in full...)
Everytime I hook up with my girlfriend I feel sick and I hurt "down there"!
Q. Ok I have a girlfriend right? And we hook up or cuddle or whatever you want to call it, and when we do it gets really intense but, I havent had sex with her yet. Shes had it before but Im still a virgin. Now the thing is a couple of hours after ...
A. 2 August 2009: Well, I stand corrected, The Ice did work for me once, it was more like 4 hours, and nothing shattered. I can certainly see that it wouldn't work for everyone. The alternative method is usually effective. Sometimes needs more than one dose.
... (read in full...)
Women- what do you do after an unromantic proposal, and Men- why do you do it?
Q. Anyone, who got a proposal of marriage, which wasn't special in anyway and to be honest, very disappointing, but still said yes to it (because you are certain that he is the one)? How do you deal with it? Women, what do you do after the engageme...
A. 31 July 2009: OK , after reading the follow up I am beginning to see how unhappy this is making you. You can't harbor this resentment into the marriage. It's a recipe for disaster, and divorce. If you can not get over this, you had better break off the ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my fiance to perform on me?
Q. My fiance has always told me " If it bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die, I'm not eatin' it!". Oral sex is something I personally have never experienced, and would like to. How can I convince my man of 20 years to try this with me, for it is a bad ...
A. 31 July 2009: good straight answer Emily. Marriage is all about give and take compromises. His use of such a sophomoric and trite phrase is not a good sign at all. I would say he has a pride problem more than a prior experience problem.
Now having said tha... (read in full...)
What should I do to just relax and be able to have sex with my boyfriend?
Q. Well. Its been sometime since i had sex. Counting now i thinks its 4 years. And i want to have sex with my boyfriend but I'm afraid it would hurt and besides the fact im much bigger than i was before meaning weight size what should i do to relax and ...
A. 31 July 2009: I think the problem the original poster has is more body shyness than anything else.
You are in a relationship with a great new guy and he loves you for who you are now. Not for who you used to be. Before you get undressed together, ask him ... (read in full...)
Why is "No Contact" good for break ups?
Q. Yeah I know I am smart and intelligent and mature enough for my age to know the answer to this but my heart is contradicting it. I have been 3 months apart from my ex, obviously, I still love him as this gives me the reason to write here. I ha...
A. 31 July 2009: You think you need some scolding? Wow thats the first time I have seen that here. I'm going to let you have it. But first a disclaimer: My views on your problem are based on reading your letter. I could very well be wrong. I'm really just ... (read in full...)
Everytime I hook up with my girlfriend I feel sick and I hurt "down there"!
Q. Ok I have a girlfriend right? And we hook up or cuddle or whatever you want to call it, and when we do it gets really intense but, I havent had sex with her yet. Shes had it before but Im still a virgin. Now the thing is a couple of hours after ...
A. 31 July 2009: Oh yes, Blue Balls or pelvic congestion. Look it up. if you are not a wanker, or you object to that solution, an ice pack on the affected part will give you some relief.
FA... (read in full...)
I am pondering an affair because my husband won't initiate intercourse!
Q. Thanks for reading my question... My husband has over the last few months lost interest in me sexually. At first i didnt notice, we are busy and all. But suddenly realised that it had been 4 months... I spoke to him and said hon, whats happenin...
A. 31 July 2009: I have the same problem, mismatched libidos. I know it seems strange for a guy to want to be desired, but I do. Any way the way we are working around this is. Scheduling sex. We talk every week about when we are going to do it. Then unless ... (read in full...)
We had a great relationship until he said that I wasn't the one he would marry.
Q. Hey everyone, I need some advice. I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half...its actually been a year and four months. Anyways we were doing great... everyting was perfect but I had a bad feeling and when we were drunk I asked ...
A. 30 July 2009: Smart guy, He didn't say it when he was drunk, he was completely open and honest with you. You think he doesn't know his own heart. I think that you are right. He is under pressure and has been hurt. Many guys would go for the marriage as a safe ... (read in full...)
Women- what do you do after an unromantic proposal, and Men- why do you do it?
Q. Anyone, who got a proposal of marriage, which wasn't special in anyway and to be honest, very disappointing, but still said yes to it (because you are certain that he is the one)? How do you deal with it? Women, what do you do after the engageme...
A. 30 July 2009: Don't ask me. I'm probably the only man in the history of the world to have proposed accidentally. But, on the subject I do have a thing or two to say. I saw a cartoon once involving a proposal The man had balloons flowers and a lighted sign, he ... (read in full...)
Follow your heart. What do my weird dreams mean?
Q. I've had some weird dreams lately. And I was wondering if anyone could help me understand what they mean. First dream: I dreamt that my fiance and I moved into an apartment that was in the house that my ex boyfriend lived it. His family and my ex...
A. 30 July 2009: Apartments symbolize financial state, the nicer the apartment the better you feel you will be. A very shabby apartment signal an impending loss. An ex boyfriend is probably your subconscious telling you not to make the same mistakes again. An ex ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of the house for a trip with my boyfriend parents don't know about?
Q. Hey guys slight prob and need some help... my boyfriend has booked a 4day trip away from home for me and him to go on togther... the issue is that my parents dont know about him and i cant tell them about him... so i need an excuse to get out of ...
A. 29 July 2009: Any relationship that starts in deceit and is bedded in lies is doomed to failure. As a parent I object to your goal and am confused by the need. I also wonder how you are going to explain the next stages of your secret relationship. How can a ... (read in full...)
Why are guys so stupid, why do they want to be players?
Q. I'm a 21 year old girl in college, and I love being single and independent. I was in love with a guy who dumped me after a couple months for not putting out (I'm a virgin) and I don't want to have a boyfriend for a while. I've made out with this hot ...
A. 29 July 2009: I really like all these answers, I was going to include the bit about the cow and free milk but lost my thread somewhere in there.
M Baachman, Well said.
Q1605, I always enjoy your answers.
FA... (read in full...)
What is the secret of a successful relationship?
Q. Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read. As alot of agony aunts on here are in successful relationships I'd like to pick some minds about this topic. What IS the secret to a successful relationship? I've seen alot of relationships wh...
A. 29 July 2009: Charlotte,
This is such a good question. First there is almost never a perfect match in desire. I was once told that marriage is not a 50/50 thing, but if both partners will give about 60% of the time things will work out. A successful relation... (read in full...)
No Sex Nellie: thinking of having a fling!
Q. I am 45yr old female married for 16yrs.Is it abnormal for me to still want sex as my husband seems to be incenced if I approach him.I am getting desparate and thinking of having a fling. No Sex Nellie...
A. 29 July 2009: Nellie,
Psychiatrists will not be pegged down as to what is "normal" as to sexual frequency. There is a wide range of need out there. It is certainly not uncommon for a woman of 45 to be interested in a rich sex life. It is also not uncommon... (read in full...)
Why are guys so stupid, why do they want to be players?
Q. I'm a 21 year old girl in college, and I love being single and independent. I was in love with a guy who dumped me after a couple months for not putting out (I'm a virgin) and I don't want to have a boyfriend for a while. I've made out with this hot ...
A. 29 July 2009: Hi!
I liked the title to this post and thought I had an answer for you. Now after reading twice I'm not sure.
So your questions:
Why are guys stupid?
Why do they want to be players?
Why doesn't he pretend to like me and take me out?
Guys... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to lose my virginity to my ex?
Q. Well first off i'm a 16 year old girl in serious need of advice! I would normally go to my mom or dad for advice but this time i cant. i feel like if i tell them ill disappoint them and thats exactly what i dont want. cuz like ever other norma...
A. 16 July 2009: Thanks for the follow up. It is always good to know we are being read.
Good luck with the discussion when your ex returns.
FA... (read in full...)
I don't know if what I'm feeling is love. How am I supposed to feel?
Q. Please no negative comments. I'm simply asking for thoughts. I need to start off with my dating history so you guys can fully understand. My 1st serious relationship was in high school. I was 14 and he was 17. So freshman and senior. Before t...
A. 16 July 2009: Angelmov,
Thanks for writing back! It is the reward we get for answering questions. It is also nice to know we were on the right track. Your question was one of the most fun answers I have written, because your future looks so bright.
FA... (read in full...)
I don't know if what I'm feeling is love. How am I supposed to feel?
Q. Please no negative comments. I'm simply asking for thoughts. I need to start off with my dating history so you guys can fully understand. My 1st serious relationship was in high school. I was 14 and he was 17. So freshman and senior. Before t...
A. 15 July 2009: Congratulations, I read through your letter reading all the "I" statements. Thinking to myself all along, she is right she doesn't know what love is. Then, pow! right at the end came this gem, "I just want him to be happy". That is it girl, that ... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to lose my virginity to my ex?
Q. Well first off i'm a 16 year old girl in serious need of advice! I would normally go to my mom or dad for advice but this time i cant. i feel like if i tell them ill disappoint them and thats exactly what i dont want. cuz like ever other norma...
A. 15 July 2009: I'm going to take a little different tack on this question. It seems as if you are asking how to tell him (you ex boyfriend / current lover)how you feel. The problem is you don't know how you feel or what you want.
By reading between the line... (read in full...)
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