A
male
age
51-59,
Fatherly Advice
writes:Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.htmlI felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, here is a compilation of common relationship killers that guys actually do.1) Over control. I'm the man and I know the way it should be. This attitude and the prison state tactics that enforce it disregard the obvious fact that the woman you are dictating to is an educated adult with experience. This is neither flattering nor comforting.2) Cling. I love you so much that I want to be with you all of the time. It's not manly, it's childish. If you want a new mommy, this is how you get one.3) Wimp out. If you really can't kill that spider / snake / clogged drain, at least know the phone number to the guy you will pay to do it for you.4) Live in your fantasy. Sure honey, I'll be to bed as soon as I pass this level. She wants you in her world. Her world is also not that new kink you found on a porn site.5) Be messy. Oh was I supposed to wash my hands between changing the oil and barbecuing the chicken? Hygiene is not optional. Know how to properly take care of your body, your car , and your clothes. 6) Be violent. Yelling throwing things and hitting are the way to maintain control. Not only will this kill your relationship, you can get to know the local police force on a first name basis. Women like a man who has control by his presence and does't need an f-bomb to make a point.7) Marginalize. The fact that you don't understand her needs and emotions, does not make them unimportant. If it's important to her, it's important to you.8) Hide your emotions. Don't let anyone see that you are hurt. Nope, she is a strong person who understands emotions better than you do. She is the one person that you trust with your whole load. She values that intimacy.9) Don't listen. Yes dear, does not solve everything. Listen, acknowledge and confirm understanding. You don't know everything.10) Fix everything. We love to be firemen. Run in and spray water over everything. There was a problem and we fixed it, just makes you feel all manly. But sometimes that is not what she wants. She just wants you to listen and share then being the competent adult that she is she will fix it and feel her own pride at having done so.Frequently feel how lucky you are to know her.FA
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 August 2014):
 Brilliant, FA.
Naturally not all the points carry the same weight with the same consequences.
For instance, point 6 ) is often, and I think it SHOULD be always, a total dealbreaker.
While, point 3 ) Wimp out... personally I'be quite tolerant . Believe it or not, once I had a boyfriend who was afraid of anchovies. Dead anchovies, those you find on pizzas. It's not just that he hated the taste or the smell, he was afraid that they somehow might BITE him. Other than that, he was a nice, normal type :).
But all in all I think you've covered all there was to cover.
I think many of the mistakes you point out just come from many having wrong ideas about what women WANT. No, generally they do not want someone who's an alpha male 24 / 7, or someone who never cries, never makes blunders, always has the right answer to every question or the right solution to every problem. We are fine with regular, imperfect guys. As long as they make us feel important and cared for ( point 7 ) and also HEARD ( point 9 , very important !).
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