A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid:I have a dilemma. I recently got engaged to someone who I have been involved with for two years. To be honest, the person was involved in another relationship for a number of years when we got together but last year, things were over for good. We've spent a lot of time together over the past six months and we got engaged a month ago. I recently found out that my partner has been still in contact with the ex-, although previously advised there was no more association, and they were together intimately to celebrate a special occasion a week after we got engaged. My partner apologized and I believe it was sincere and the association with the ex- was a mistake. We have both announced our engagement to family, friends and co-workers and everyone is excited about our plans. I am upset about what happened but we both feel this incident was not worth giving up a lifetime of love and happiness over a mistake. Neither of our families know about what happened. My best friend told me to break off the engagment and not trust my partner who cheated just one week after our engagement, but I am deeply in love. Ineed some advise quickly because we have been forging ahead with the wedding plans. Can our love really stand this and sustain a long joyful marriage? I am sure that some will respond that we both started off wrong, but I think we are past that right now. I need advise about proceeding with my marriage plans.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 October 2009):
 My biggest fear is that if you let him off the the hook this time you are in essence giving him permission for this behavior in the future. If there are no repercussions for bad behavior then why not just carry on?
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (5 October 2009):
 "I am upset about what happened but we both feel this incident was not worth giving up a lifetime of love and happiness over a mistake." That's like saying, I am upset that he dropped an anvil on my head, but I should overlook it and keep going. Seriously, you need to step back and look at what you are saying here. He CHEATED on you a week after your engagement, with his ex! I don't care what planet you live on, he crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed! You need to tell him to go fly a kite!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, now I have received anonymous phone calls telling me about how my fiance has never really broken off the relationship with his ex. He is totally denying that there was continuous contact and assures me that if he wanted to marry her he would have done so long time ago. Since my emotions and feelings are mixed in this, it is hard to think straight. I am torn and have a lot invested in this relationship. I believe that he is telling me the truth. I believe that he is sorry and has learned from this. He really is a good person and I feel that I can forgive his mistake. I have heard that once a cheater, always a cheater; however, I know of several relationships that began like ours that are very strong and thriving. Confused I am!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 September 2009):
I'd put those marriage plans on hold. Trust is crucial in a marriage and you guys have zip. An apology from a guy who cheated ON you and who has cheated WITH you is pretty much meaningless if you ask me. The proof is in pudding.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (8 September 2009):
"My best friend told me to break off the engagment and not trust my partner who cheated just one week after our engagement, but I am deeply in love" ..... Ok.... 1) Stop being deeply in love with this jerk, and 2) Listen to your best friend.... oh, and 3) No, this is not how a loving, trusting relationship is supposed to progress! You will be an utter fool if you marry this man.
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A
male
reader, masoxi  +, writes (8 September 2009):
sincearly i think that you need to tell him, in a serios mode directly to the eyes and ask him wath happened and yes love is blind butstill ask him that if he es sure to do this because marring is something you should realy think of
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 September 2009):
 If the legs aren't closed the relationship isn't. I think you moved on to engagement too soon. If this is a long engagement you may have enough time for him to close the old relationship. Remember to keep your eyes open, love is blind, so you can't be. You can close one eye after you get married.
FA
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A
female
reader, MeBeTonya +, writes (8 September 2009):
 And I must say, you are absoutely right that you both initially started off in the wrong manner. The fact that you actually think that this man would do everything that he has done to his prior "partner" and would not be willing to do this to you amazes me. Given that you are the "other" woman and you have allowed yourself to be well just, irritates the crap out of me. I am a firm believer that someone can change. But you are expecting someone who has cheated on their partner for quite some time, and who has just officially broke it off and has now committed to you to change... Open up your eyes honey.. Love has its blind spots, but its not that blind...
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