A
female
age
41-50,
*lanket
writes:I am married and have two children. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Our marriage is great but can be a little better. Before I met my husband, I was with a man that was a cheat and very dominating. Beside all the flaws, he was great to be around. At times we would fight because he was so aggressive. I broke it off b/c he started to become sexually aggressive when I would say no. He went out and got a girl pregnant from a one night stand and was forced to marry her. I, since then, never looked back. Every time I look up, this man is trying to contact me. He goes through my family for information, comes to my church and watches me, gets my number from sources and calls, and he even was trying to be my husband's friend. I have tried to talk with him one on one. My husband has tried to talk to him, and etc. He will not go away. I met up with him and asked him what's the problem. He said things like "I am not doing nothing wrong, I still care but I am happily married, I just want to be your friend, I enjoy our company". Then he says things like "I know you still care about me, I remember our sexual eposides, and do you think we could get together if something happens to our spouses". I have talked to my pastor about this but, he says it's just a lust spirit and he will go away. His wife knows but still with him. As weird as this my sound, I still care about him but always manage to get away from him b/c I'm married and so is he. I am making myself perfectly clear by telling him to go but he always comes back. Is this man trying to just be my friend and I am acting silly, or is he crazy. He got me confused b/c one mintue he is saying "I love my wife" and the next minute he is saying "I don't care what you say, I am going to contact you". Then he says "just tell me to leave you alone and I will" but he comes back. What's up with him?
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my ex, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Your x is convinced that you are still interested in him because you probably are. You have to cut the strings to that relationship altogether. He is a loser--cheating, getting another gal pregnant, etc. What a jerk! I had one, too, so don't feel bad. Turn your back and walk away, sister, and you will be happier for it. He probably just has nothing better going on at this time.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 September 2009):
 You have the advice you need. He's a stalker take action.
You used to be excited by him because he was a "bad boy", now you have outgrown all that. The new you is not attracted to him or his type, in fact he scares you. He doesn't understand because he hasn't grown up at all. And he won't as long as there is one woman who will reward him for his bad boy behavior. You could let him know that despite the past, the new you, has no attraction to him, but it would be better to just have no contact at all. Don't keep talking out of old friendship. Just hang up. He has nothing to offer you but pain. You have had enough of that at his hands.
FA
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (8 September 2009):
 Yes, he is crazy. No you are not just acting silly. Now you see what it is like to be the woman that he is NOT in the relationship with. If you have a good marriage with your current man, don't risk ruining it for this guy who seems to be stalking you. Draw a clear line, and uphold it firmly.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 September 2009):
 This guy sounds like a stalker! He is putting undue pressure on your marriage so I would suggest having a restraining order against him. You said that he got aggressive when denied something, this is a worrying factor... He is playing on your good nature, and how long before he is asking for sex?? You remember what your relationship was like, that is why he is an ex, dont let him ruin your marriage.Tell him that if he doesnt leave you alone you are going to get a restraining order against him.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (8 September 2009):
 This could potentially be a very serious situation. It sounds like you and your husband are being very nice, but a bit too nice! There is no friendship here and the relationship you had with him is in the past. He may not be happy in his marriage and with his life, but that isn't a reason to stalk you. Stalking is a very serious issue and his past behaviour - sexual aggression and verbal abuse all fit the pattern. He doesn't sound like a very mentally stable individual. I think you have nothing to gain from knowing him, so you need to make it very clear that you want nothing to do with him. You can ask family not to cooperate with him when he asks them for information on you. If he then doesn't leave you alone, I suggest you contact the police and change your phone number. You must stop speaking to him and ignore his attempts to get your attention as you are feeding him 'false hope' about friendship and perhaps more.
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