| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I was MIA for 6 weeks, but she broke up with me for an older rich man!
Q. So I've been seeing this girl for over a year. The status of our relationship has varied from lovers,to close friends, to 'just friends' to 'seeing each other.'. Around 6 months ago we broke off our relationship to become just friends. After ...
A. 19 November 2009: Dazey,
MIA = Missing in action
AWOL = Absent without leave
So he was "missing" because he was getting "action" somewhere else. She thought he was "absent" without getting "leave" from her. Because he was "absent" she will "leave". The r... (read in full...)
I was MIA for 6 weeks, but she broke up with me for an older rich man!
Q. So I've been seeing this girl for over a year. The status of our relationship has varied from lovers,to close friends, to 'just friends' to 'seeing each other.'. Around 6 months ago we broke off our relationship to become just friends. After ...
A. 18 November 2009: No, don't play games with her. What she wants from you is maturity and responsibility. She can't tell you that because then you would fake it. You need to prove to her that you are mature and responsible then she will be interested in you again. ... (read in full...)
Is this dream telling me something?
Q. I had a dream last night that my boyfriend and I were getting married. We were at the movies with our friends, and everyone was all excited for us. But we were such in a rush to get married that we didn't even have rings or anything planned. He ...
A. 18 November 2009: See if this fits,
To dream that you are watching a movie, means that you feel life is passing you by. You want to move on.
To dream of a marriage signifies a change in life or status.
To dream that you have lost a ring (ring is missing) m... (read in full...)
Are we ready for sex?
Q. i'm 16 and my girlfriend is 15 we have bin going out for 2 years and she asked me to have sex about 2 weeks ago and shes grabbing my croch and whispering in my ear shes wet and ready for me what sould i do...
A. 15 November 2009: Let's see. Are you prepared to support a child? Do you know how to have safe sex? do you have the required supplies? Are you committed to her? Can you trust her with your feelings? Can you trust her with your deepest secrets? Can she trust ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex during your period?
Q. Is it wrong to have sex when you're on your period? I recently did and I believe that I freaked my partner out, but I didn't think anything about it and forgot to tell him....
A. 15 November 2009: fog lily,
While I agree with you and Satin, What is common place to you as women is Terra incognito to an inexperienced man. Some women are "closed for business" for that week, so it is possible he has never had that particular experien... (read in full...)
I'm 28, he's 43. He wants to have kids now, I don't. Any ideas to work it out?
Q. I'm 28, been married for 3 years, total of 5 years in this relationship. My partner is 43 and wants to start a family, have kids. I want to have kids with him, but I don’t feel ready to do it right now. I understand that cause of his age and all, ...
A. 15 November 2009: I think the difference between 43 and 48 bothers him less than the difference between 60 and 65. He may not have planned high school graduations into his retirement plans. Say you have 3 kids spaced every 2 years That pushes that last graduation ... (read in full...)
I fancy two boys. Whom do I choose?
Q. dear cupid, i fancy my best friend but im in love with another boy that ive liked for about a year i dont know what do do cause i get really nervous around them both when i see them i was wondering what i should do should i wait for the guy i love ...
A. 15 November 2009: I know that this is unpopular advice, but at your age go out with both of them spend some time with each, so you can compare them better. It will give you more info to base your decisions on when you are 16 and 18 and 22 (which is when you really ... (read in full...)
Should I have a child with a man 30 years my senior?
Q. My boyfriend is 30 years older than me. His daughter is 10 years older than me.He has grand children. Should. I have a baby with him, or its too weird?...
A. 15 November 2009: Have you asked his Daughter?
He is between 56 and 59, there is a fair chance you will be a widow with a kid in high School.
FA... (read in full...)
My husband ignores me and another man wants me. What should I do?
Q. I have been married for 2 years now, and have been with my husband for 4 years. My husband isnt around much because he in the military. I would love to have him home everyday but i know it's not possible. He has been a good husband but when he's ...
A. 15 November 2009: You married a boy. That is the problem. Make sure you aren't just trading him in for a better boy. The military does have a way of making men out of boys. That could be your best bet for solving the problem. Quite frankly the affair is always ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex during your period?
Q. Is it wrong to have sex when you're on your period? I recently did and I believe that I freaked my partner out, but I didn't think anything about it and forgot to tell him....
A. 15 November 2009: Two posts on this today and very different answers, I hope you are both reading both posts.
FA... (read in full...)
Serious sexual dysfunction without a cause!
Q. What can you do if your husband is permanently, sexually off? It started few years ago. In our early 40's. Now, we tried everything therapy, medical investigations but there is no answer, why is he the way he is. No medical cause, and not clear wh...
A. 15 November 2009: There have been several posts in the past year about low testosterone. It can cause these symptoms. You need a specialist, endocrinologist I think, to even diagnose this, and it is tricky. You may have already looked into this. It is Great that ... (read in full...)
Should I take things slowly?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for six months and he decided it was over because he said he was tried of the arguements. i called him to apologise but he gave me the cold shoulder and said we will never get back together. he left on monday and today ...
A. 15 November 2009: Sounds like he broke rule # 1 of breaking up. "If you want closure, start with your legs." Making out with you rekindled his feelings for you, because there is a connection between sex and love. Since you want him back, your goal is to build on ... (read in full...)
Please help! Can you have sex while on your period?
Q. Can you have sex while on your period?...
A. 15 November 2009: It is good that you are getting answers from women. If you are interested, and if you have a willing partner, yes it can be done. As a practical matter, I recommend A dark towel under, and a shower handy for right after. If either of you are ... (read in full...)
Everytime my boyfriend has sex with me, his penis gets soft.
Q. I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 months now, and about 2 weeks ago we were having sex and his penis just got soft. He completely satisfies me sexually, I mean he even makes me squirt. He tells me that it is a turn on for h...
A. 13 November 2009: No, your brain does not control your penis. As near as I can tell nothing controls a penis. You need to read up on this. The advice below is good, the things you are doing are only making the problem worse.
FA... (read in full...)
Nausea, fatique, body aches...am I pregnant?
Q. I've been feeling nauseous just about all day for the past couple days. I've also had head and body aches, and have been more tired than usual. My period isn't expected for another two weeks or so, but I'm worried I might be pregnant. Could I be ...
A. 13 November 2009: Those are also flu symptoms. check your temperature.
FA... (read in full...)
... Or would he keep a respectable distance?
Q. Would a guy ever invade your personal space if he is not interested in you?...
A. 13 November 2009: That depends, were you playing basketball?
FA... (read in full...)
Conflicted in having to choose between my girlfriend and my out of state job offer
Q. I'll keep it short: I am 20 and I live in Texas. I have an oppurtunity for a good job in New York doing what I love doing. My girlfriend of several years, however, is reluctant to move out of Texas. I love her more than anything, but I'm having ...
A. 13 November 2009: Off the top of my head, If she isn't interested in your earning potential she isn't in if for the long term. Guard your heart and go for the job.
Happy to chat, its roughly the distance from Sydney to Alice Springs. In physical distance... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sex drive has decreased dramatically and I cannot figure out why!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm going out with my boyfriend for nearly four years and love him to bits in every way. Over the last year his sex drive has decreased dramatically and I cannot figure out why I'm every bit as attracted to him as I was from day on...
A. 13 November 2009: This is one of those questions that has a stock answer.
What does his doctor say about his lack of drive? Has he got some new stress in his life? When you talk to him about this what does he say the reason is?
At about this age, I had a sim... (read in full...)
Does it mean anything if the man doesn't wear his wedding ring?
Q. For all the married men out there... Does it mean anything if a man doesn't wear his wedding ring? ...
A. 13 November 2009: Della,
I'm taking your question at face value. I'm a married Man, which is who you directed the question to. For the majority of my married life I didn't wear a wedding band. It wasn't because, as quiet echo put it, It interfered with my abil... (read in full...)
Does it mean anything if the man doesn't wear his wedding ring?
Q. For all the married men out there... Does it mean anything if a man doesn't wear his wedding ring? ...
A. 12 November 2009: I met a man who wore his wedding ring on the wrong hand. I asked him why do you wear that ring on the wrong hand? to which he replied, I married the wrong woman. So I said these are modern times just get a divorce. He said I did that but I got ... (read in full...)
I am thinking of rekindling my romance with my ex, how do I tell my family who hate him and end my current relationship?
Q. Hi, Right the brief version if this, met guy 19, fall for each other, then he got married, had affair, I broke it off, now I am with someone else, so is he, but his left the girl, wants to be with me, I want him as well, as never loved the guy I ...
A. 10 November 2009: You and the ex are quite a pair for the last ten years you two have cut a wide swath of broken hearts. Getting married and having an affair leading to divorce. Moving in with a guy that you don't love using him as a hold over. Shacking up with a ... (read in full...)
Who do I invite to the wedding? Restraing order is getting in the way.
Q. My fiance and I are now planning our wedding... things are still tense between me and his father but a new issue has come up and that is the family fued... My fiance is the youngest of 4 children and recently his parents got divorced. There ...
A. 9 November 2009: E. Angel,
Good solid advice here about making fiance deal with this. It is a bad sign that ultimatums are being thrown around so early in the game. Who knows what the situation will be when the church bells ring. Until then threaten... (read in full...)
Help! How can I make things better?
Q. My fiance and I are extremely happy together and his family is really happy for us, and I get along great with them all except for his father. I am a full time college student and my fiance and I live an hour and a half apart. I see him only on ...
A. 9 November 2009: E. Angel,
Your question leads me to think of several of my friends, family and acquaintances. My first impulse is to ask for more information. But I also want to give you some thoughts to work on in the mean time. A man I work with is going... (read in full...)
How can I have more regular sex with her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for nearly two years now, everything is going well but we have never had a good sex life but this was a mutual decision at first but then we both started enjoying it. But the main problem is over the past ...
A. 9 November 2009: OP Writes "What do you think i should do?
I realize that I am just guessing here. And you may have already done some of this, but my take is:
Get a steady job. Your own place (house or apartment). And, Buy her an engagement ring. Two years... (read in full...)
What does a belly-button piercing symbolize? Advice from those under 20.
Q. I’m looking for input from the under-20 crowd here about just how piercings are perceived. My 14 year-old daughter is anxious to get one. The first negotiations were for her nose, but lately it’s been for her navel. I’m old and stodgy, and have...
A. 3 November 2009: Yet another rep;y from an older person. I'm in the same age range as old guy. My Neighbor is close to my age, married to a younger man, but has kids the same age as mine. A few years ago She decided to get he navel pierced. (I know completely ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable to ask to see his email.
Q. My spouse has in the recent past had an affair. He hides his income He tells me that it is none of my business. i have no access to, or knowledge of his income. He tells me that it is not my business who he knows or what he does, and that i just ...
A. 2 November 2009: Not the first time an excess of pride finished off a marriage. There is no I in we.
I've been married 22 years, my Wife sees every pay stub, and she has my e mail passwords. I don't feel repressed. To me this is normal.
FA... (read in full...)
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 2 November 2009: Thanks for the update,
I think it is incredibly sad that an adult will use their child as leverage to get an opportunity to abuse someone, as some sort of twisted revenge. Of course we suspected this because we see it all to often. I think a ... (read in full...)
If you can afford me 2
Q. This is for women to answer, since men can't know the answer, unless they got it from a woman already. A woman who used to be a prostitute (so I figure she was low self esteem), told me all men who pay for dates are paying for sex/relations...
A. 31 October 2009: From the other side of the couch. Traditionally a man pays for the date as a proof of his ability as a provider. How much a woman takes advantage of his money is a sign of her responsibility. Of course "Traditionally" sex was for later on in the ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable to ask to see his email.
Q. My spouse has in the recent past had an affair. He hides his income He tells me that it is none of my business. i have no access to, or knowledge of his income. He tells me that it is not my business who he knows or what he does, and that i just ...
A. 31 October 2009: I was curious when I saw those two posts together. So advice for the both of you. . . .
during a period of rebuilding after a betrayal of trust he (the betrayer) will naturally lose some of his privileges of privacy. In order for you (the bet... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have a leather glove fetish?
Q. Recently whilst watching videos on the internet, i have found myself looking at leather glove fetish videos. Is it wrong to have a glove fetish? Is there something wrong with?...
A. 30 October 2009: You find that the leather gloves excite you, and then you feel bad about being excited by leather gloves? The problem is that you are doing something that you believe is bad. Whether other people think it is bad makes no difference. As long as ... (read in full...)
I found out she cheated 2 years ago, now all she does is cry. How do I deal with this?
Q. Hi Guys, If your partner of 20 years cheated on you just once and you found out by chance would you forgive and forget. She is the love of my life and a great mother. Apparently it happened with a mutual so called friend. I confronted her with thi...
A. 30 October 2009: I have been married for over 20 years. It really doesn't feel the same from this point of view. My first question upon reading this is, Why do you want to get out of this relationship? At 40 years old I hope you are over worrying what other ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of all the collections at the office!
Q. Hi all. i have an issue thats been building up and really frustating me lately in the office. We have always done collections for people for their birthday which is fine-there are 22 people in the office. Now someone recently got engaged ...
A. 24 October 2009: I believe in being charitable. I also believe that how a person goes about being charitable is private. so to say, not letting the right hand know what the left hand is doing. I agree that collections should be anonymous and not required. It ... (read in full...)
Suspicious acts!
Q. If my boyfriend shaves before he sees his female co-worker, is he pursueing her? [Moderator note: The following was posted as a seperate question on the same topic from the same user] My live in boyfriend shaves everytime he is going to work with...
A. 23 October 2009: Shaving is an indication from him that what he is doing is serious to him he wants to make a good impression. If there is a deal to close or a performance review I would definitely shave. People tend to distrust men who are not clean shaven. ... (read in full...)
I lost my erection, now she thinks I'm not attracted her!
Q. Hi, I have a bit of a problem. Last night while in bed with my girlfriend, she started trying to arouse me. It worked, I got an erection and everything, but then we had some trouble with penetration. She was on top, and after a minute of her ...
A. 23 October 2009: You ask, "Is it normal to lose an erection in those circumstances?" At your age it isn't common, at my age loss of erection happens over anything. First I want to reassure you that it is nothing to be worried about. It can and does happen to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't go wild in bed, is he not attracted to me?
Q. I`ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and sex has it ups and downs but he tells me that he will not go wild me cause he respect me too much. He doesn't do oral sex cause he doesn`t see me as an object. Is he not attracted to me or does he see ...
A. 23 October 2009: Now I'm really over thinking. I just looked up Aliyah's flag. Lack of passion in a Mediterranean man seems impossible to me. Perhaps I'm prejudiced, but I can only think of one example in my experience. In his case it was misplaced passion ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't go wild in bed, is he not attracted to me?
Q. I`ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and sex has it ups and downs but he tells me that he will not go wild me cause he respect me too much. He doesn't do oral sex cause he doesn`t see me as an object. Is he not attracted to me or does he see ...
A. 23 October 2009: Sorry to have offended you Older Sister. For some reason I thought the oral problem was with him receiving not giving. You are right if he is using respect as a reason for not giving that simply does not make sense. We may need clarification from ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't go wild in bed, is he not attracted to me?
Q. I`ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and sex has it ups and downs but he tells me that he will not go wild me cause he respect me too much. He doesn't do oral sex cause he doesn`t see me as an object. Is he not attracted to me or does he see ...
A. 22 October 2009: This is one of the troubles with "nice guys". He is trying to treat you like a lady. Just like he was taught. And, you are getting bored. You need fantasy and passion, and adventure. Not every day but frequently. This reminds me of an old song ... (read in full...)
She left her ex for me, so what is the chance she will do the same thing again to me?
Q. Hi I just want to know if im being stupid, paranoid or whether im justified in my thoughts. My current girlfriend left her ex to be with me. We knew eachother for years, the whole time she was with her ex, which was 6 years. Anyway i always t...
A. 22 October 2009: Dear anonymous male,
What you want is for someone to tell you that everything will be okay. We can't tell you that. Things happen, people do bad things, accidents happen. I'd like to tell you that true love always lasts, but it doesn't always. ... (read in full...)
How can I spend time with her in my own home before I leave for active duty?
Q. I am 18 years old and enlisted in the United States Airforce. I have a girlfriend well ex now girlfriend who is 16 years old. I have been dating her since i was 14 years old and I lost my virginity to this girl. My first true love and basically only ...
A. 21 October 2009: I'm confused, if she is your "ex now girlfriend" why does any of this matter? But, this does bring up the old topic of the two year age difference with teens. You are absolutely right your Mom should have been talking to you when you were 14. If... (read in full...)
She left her ex for me, so what is the chance she will do the same thing again to me?
Q. Hi I just want to know if im being stupid, paranoid or whether im justified in my thoughts. My current girlfriend left her ex to be with me. We knew eachother for years, the whole time she was with her ex, which was 6 years. Anyway i always t...
A. 21 October 2009: The obvious answer to this question is just too cruel. I must admit I'm tempted.
Good relationships are built on trust. Your relationship started with the two of you collaborating to break her ex's heart. You probably have some residual... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 4 October 2009: Nightingale,
It is true that I have never been a 14 year old young lady. It does tend to taint my perspective. I too am worried about the general level of acceptance for sexual activity among the younger people these days.
FA... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 4 October 2009: This is a hot topic and We have jumped on it as a way to talk about what we want to talk about to the exclusion of what the original poster asked, and needed to know.
You asked, "How can I explain that to my bf without him thinking I am being se... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 2 October 2009: Age is not only a number. Nothing is only a number. Where does this idea come from. Numbers represent things, they are symbols to help us understand and predict the world. Two years represents 670 days. It represents the difference between ... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 2 October 2009: If you are 16 and she is 14 she isn't mature enough. If you are 17 and she is 15 she thinks she is mature enough, and you will likely dump her when you graduate, which will break her heart. Alternative ly you may continue to date her when you are ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 1 October 2009: Here is how to put your point across to your boyfriend.
I don't want to have a baby. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't believe you will be a good father. You have an addictive personality and I don't trust you. I need you to support ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 1 October 2009: Many people get into a relationship thinking that I like her but she has some ideas I don't agree with. Perhaps with age she will come around. Perhaps if I love her enough she will be willing to change for me. But for now we are not committed and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 30 September 2009: I am personally against abortions because there are thousands of couples out there who would give everything they own to have a child to raise.
Your question was not really whether or not to have an abortion but how to deal with the boyfrien... (read in full...)
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 22 September 2009: So, love and patience didn't work. Now you are trying blackmail? How is this going to improve your relationship.
Strangely, after saying that, I do have some sympathy for you. I often have to "deal" with difficult customers. People who want... (read in full...)
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