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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: If my husband works all the time like 7 days a week, and long hours.And he became impotent years ago. He does not do anything with me.Nothing around the house, like chores. He seats all day in his office and works.The children are grown , but not doing too well. He is totally not warm with me, or affectionate.I'm trying to not get mad, but I can't keep my promise to myself ,that I don't care anymore. I asked him several times, if he wants to divorce, but he says no, he loves me,.. I feel so bad, because he says I'm just an arguing woman for no reason, and he wants me to accept him. He says he works for us, and I respect him to be a provider, but is it ok, to go on like this, for a long time? I'm not sure what to do, I did not want to leave ,it would be very hard for me, to leave, as we lived together for so long. I don;t hate him, but I don't know what goes on with him. Why does he not care about sex, future , things to do.I would like to stay, but I don't know how, as I get mad every,of no hugs, no nothing. Am I right to feel upset? What can I do to save us?He hates the idea to talk about this... He says not again... Actually counselling is not an option. So what else can I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): It is not acceptable. He needs to make some real steps, don't let yourself down like this. You have a right to have sex, and intimacy! Go for it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): Why don't you put the divorce papers on the table,and say well if you don't change , I will not stay any longer. I think he is playing a game .
I don't understand r that some man just losing their dignity,and its such a loss for everyone. They don't want to work at the marriage, they just shut down ,or escape.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I agree, I think he needs motivation, and that is what is missing here. Maybe he jsut does not love her anymore. If he would get a nice new relationship, I bet he would try to fix things... Its not right thing to do with his wife.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Gina,
I agree with the stress angle. The question is where does it start. Is he working late because he is impotent and can't face intimate relations so the work stress piles onto the medical stress then when his wife asks for more, it redoubles everything. And the kids. I know when my 20 year old moved back home with 2 dogs I stopped sleeping right. I've been able to use drugs for impotency, and fortunately I didn't get too stressed about it. Being stressed over the diabetes that caused it was enough. An understanding couple who are willing to communicate can work through this.
I think he needs a reason to make a change, or even to open up and talk, or to go to the doctor. One thing is for certain if he keeps living on stress like this he will get a forced vacation.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I think working that much , kills sex drive. If he wants to see any change, in this first he has to stop working, and than see how it goes... Because overwork ,destroys families, and relationships.
Many workaholic man only realize ,what happened to their life ,when it's too late,or not even than.
Maybe they just run into a new marriage ,where nobody knows this thing yet.
Workaholism is an illness, but first he needs to admit that. You can never make him change ,if he is not willing to.
I suggest deadline to yourself, like if its not changing until christmas, you are out. Just make sure to observe it well ,what is happening. Take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I went thru the same thing ,with my husband. When I moved out , he was no longer unmotivated,.. I think something big has to happen, to fix something so big. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 September 2009):
If he loved you, your needs would be important to him. He would not risk you leaving him by ignoring you stated desires. He just hasn't put that all together in his head yet. The message he needs to get is "You can't expect me to be constant and faithful to you when you ignore my needs. When you know I have a need and you ignore it, I feel unloved." Some how he needs to know that in his soul.
FA
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A
female
reader, AlexCM  +, writes (3 September 2009):
well im afraid it seems as though he's gone through some changes. he says he wants to be with you and he seems a little distant. maybe he could be worrying about something? or he could be depressed.
you cant do much more than talk to him.
he may sort his problems out. but then again maybe he wont.
if he doesnt change then you need to make a desicion.
tell him that if he doesnt change you may have to leave.
hope all works out
xxx
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