| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I'm looking for a gift to buy my boyfriend to show him I really care about him. Any ideas?
Q. I'm looking for something (a gift) for my boyfriend to show him that I really care about him. We've been dating for a very long time and we're quite committed. I was thinking about getting him a ring.. I don't think it would freak him out but I'm ...
A. 9 March 2009: Jewelery for guys is a real minefield. I reciently started treating my diabetes with insulin, so I wanted to wear a mmedical ID. I decided on the dog tags because I work with machinery and don't want chains near my hands. Also i think they are ... (read in full...)
Ladies: Poll about size
Q. Ok ladies I have been in a discussion with my girlfriend and many other females the age old question here goes . DOES SIZE MATTER ? IS IT THE LENGTH ? IS IT THE GIRTH ? IS IT BOTH ? I am just asking. Please do not assume i am a...
A. 5 March 2009: I love a funny joke and this reminded me of one "I prefer short and stubby!"
He said "I can touch the entire side of a tuna can at one time, . . . just not the bottom.
FA
... (read in full...)
Need help getting home..anyone have good directions?
Q. Two and a half years ago I moved to WA state with my husband to be, who has now turned in to my ex-husband to be since he turned out to be an abusive a-hole. He does not want to get help with his issues since he thinks he does not have any, but was ...
A. 5 March 2009: Personally I like Goggle maps better. They give you the option of dragging your route around and quickly comparing total miles and driving times. You should go over the route you choose carefully and try to stay on interstates or tollways as much ... (read in full...)
How do you deal with a two-faced manager?
Q. Hi everyone, Just wondering any advice on how to deal with a manager who is really (really really) nasty to you one minute, and then really really really nice to you the next? Thanks ...
A. 23 February 2009: Work relations are different from other social relations in that at work a manager is responcible to get productivity from all his employees. If the manager is strictly work focused he will reward you only for productive behaviour. Unfortunatly ... (read in full...)
Why can't a man deal with a facial peel?
Q. just curious: why cant man deal with a facial peal. a peal has 3 acids that sting a little, but if a girl can handle the pain, why cant a guy? and why do they get freaked out by hearing about it?...
A. 23 February 2009: Men ritually scrape the hair and a thin layer of skin off of their face, at least 3 times a week. Then they splash a potion of mostly rubbing alcohol on it. This is done mostly to conform to societial norms. Many men do complain about the ... (read in full...)
If the universe is an efficient place, why do we spend so much energy on relationships???
Q. Why does cheating hurt our partners? Why is there no room for a free ride? Why do married people want to get out of their marriages? Why do single people want to get married? Why do we want to fulfil our fantasies? Why do we get punished for ...
A. 20 February 2009: In order to be efficient, you only need to get a nearly equal return on your investment. It sounds like you have been making the wrong investments. Hedonism doesn't yield long term relationships. If you want to be happy you have to follow the ... (read in full...)
How do I get my dad to drive me to see him without telling my dad about us?
Q. I have boyfriend who is 2 yr older and lives 80 mi. away. How do i get my dad to drive me to see him without telling my dad about us? I have a cousin down there so i could say im visiting him(he introduced us actually)but that will get old quickly. ...
A. 19 February 2009: O.k. I'm a dad, and you are asking how to pull the wool over your dad's eyes, so this is probably not the answer you are looking for.
Do you really want to live a life full of lies and deception? How will this model for dealing with your fam... (read in full...)
How do I get my dad to drive me to see him without telling my dad about us?
Q. I have boyfriend who is 2 yr older and lives 80 mi. away. How do i get my dad to drive me to see him without telling my dad about us? I have a cousin down there so i could say im visiting him(he introduced us actually)but that will get old quickly. ...
A. 19 February 2009: O.k. I'm a dad, and you are asking how to pull the wool over your dad's eyes, so this is probably not the answer you are looking for.
Do you really want to live a life full of lies and deception? How will this model for dealing with your fam... (read in full...)
Guys would you marry a girl who was forced to do oral sex in her past?
Q. Guys would you marry a girl who was forced to do oral sex in her past?...
A. 19 February 2009: When I first answered this I was quite short because I thought the questioner needed to give us more information. Then later as I thought about it, I began to wonder if perhaps the original poster was looking for permission to force himself on some ... (read in full...)
Guys would you marry a girl who was forced to do oral sex in her past?
Q. Guys would you marry a girl who was forced to do oral sex in her past?...
A. 18 February 2009: Yes, I did.
FA... (read in full...)
I don't want my ex to be happy with another girl!...
Q. I hate the situation im in. Me and my ex broke up 4 the 3rd time 5 months ago. It was on/off lots. He wasnt that nice to me.run me down. Made me have real low self esteem. He could b so charming and sweet and hurtful the next. I loved him so much ...
A. 17 February 2009: Two things come to mind. One Stockholm syndrome look it up.
The second and more important is your desire for revenge. Revenge is a nasty cankering soul destroying emotion. It will make you a bitter old woman. For a couple of literary expositi... (read in full...)
He went to whores and prostitutes while I was on holiday!!!
Q. I went on a vacation with my baby and when I was gone my husband got totally wasted with some friends and went to a whore house and had sex with a prostitute. Right after I got home from my vacation my husband and I put our child to sleep and he ...
A. 10 February 2009: Ouch, I am sorry that life has handed you this trial. I want to start out by saying that I do not in any way excuse your husband for what he did. It was wrong.
You Say you love him, and you hate what he did. That is a very positive attitude... (read in full...)
I have a relationship with an older woman but she is hesitant to have sex, what can I do?
Q. Hi, there, I have a good relationship with an older woman. I have mentioned that I would like to have sex with her. She says that I just want to try sex with an older woman. While I do want the experience of sex with an older woman I would li...
A. 10 February 2009: So, is it true? are you a collector? or is it real? are you going to be making a long term commitment to a monogamous relationship. What has happened is that you have run into someone who doesn't fall for all your (games/lines/schemes). ... (read in full...)
Can actually I find a nice honest guy out there who doesn't play games?
Q. Id like to ask those males out there or the women who its happened too! Is there some hope of finding a nice honest loving man. Who would give u the earth? Who wanna settle down and have a family.marriage? Cos i just seem to think that there isnt! I ...
A. 9 February 2009: I never really felt over-hunted. Of course that war 2 decades ago and I am securely taken now. I actually felt that I was looked over in favor of bad boys most often. The trouble with nice guys is that we are boring. Lazy guy gave you some very ... (read in full...)
Do women realise this about guys? Is it not true?
Q. To many women think we are playing mind games with them so guys I'm gona have to spill the beans and tell them what we are realy doing. When a guy has a great conversation with you wherever it may be and then all of a sudden seems to ignore you for ...
A. 7 February 2009: Ok here is another guys take, We don't play mind games. As I am sure you have often guessed we just don't have that much to play with (j/k). If we want to play a game we get a ball and throw it at something.
Seriously tho I married the firs... (read in full...)
From the mistress to the girlfriend
Q. I am now dating a guy that I've known for 2 and 1/2 years. We first kind of started seeing each other this summer when I was his mistress while he was living with his ex g/f who was his g/f at the time. She found out that he was cheating on him and ...
A. 4 February 2009: Do people change? Does everyone deserve a second chance? Is every man a cheater? We seem to have these absolute rules but we know that they can't always be true. Today a 40 yr old man asked if he was setting himself up to be hurt. My first ... (read in full...)
I cancelled our anniversary to be there for my sister, how to make it up to the husband?
Q. My husband and me were having our year wedding anniversary. Until my sister came crying to me because her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend and she broke up with him on the spot. She was really upset about it so I cancelled had our ...
A. 3 February 2009: I've given my advice, I've reviewed it, I Stand by it.
FA... (read in full...)
I cancelled our anniversary to be there for my sister, how to make it up to the husband?
Q. My husband and me were having our year wedding anniversary. Until my sister came crying to me because her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend and she broke up with him on the spot. She was really upset about it so I cancelled had our ...
A. 2 February 2009: Woah! girls we are missing the important part of the problem here. We have an essentially newlywed couple here with a live in sister. This is a disaster waiting to happen. A veritable mine field. You need to get her in her own place in less ... (read in full...)
I lost my virginity last night and now I'm feeling itchy..
Q. Hi. I just lost my virginity last night. It hurt, but that's to be expected. Now, I'm quite a bit itchy ''down there''. I've got a bit more discharge than usual, but it doesn't have a strange scent or color. I'm wondering if I was just allergic to ...
A. 2 February 2009: You need motherly advice. But I'll do my best to fill in. A little itchyness is common when the body is healing. Keep the affected area clean. Just clear water will do. Tell your boyfriend to stop buying those cheep novelty condoms, and invest ... (read in full...)
I'm forced to live at home with my family and it's driving me crazy
Q. hi, i'm a 27 year old woman and i live in my bedroom and its driving me insane, and causing me to be depressed. i live with my mom and two brothers in a family home in a small village. I have had to move here because I am now unemployed and c...
A. 2 February 2009: Isn't it great that your mother can take you in and help you through this rough time. Parents all over the world a doing this. At great sacrfice. You feel ackward because you are not in control. Getting back on your own two feet with a new job ... (read in full...)
How can we accept what our daughter is doing? We are so against it
Q. my daughter is living with her new boyfriend of 4 months. we are really against this.dad roman catholic and mother christian but disapprove also. she just came out of a 6 year relationship that broke up.we have not met new boyfriend yet . she says ...
A. 2 February 2009: I don't know that you have to accept what she is doing. You try to teach them correct priciples and hope for the best.
The hard thing for me has been letting my daughter know I don't approve of her actions, while still letting her know I love her. ... (read in full...)
I want justice!
Q. I posted a question earlier inquiring about my husbands sex/porn addiction and I was looking for somebody that has or has had he problem and stood in his shoes to answer my question for me, but I was not clear enough on why. It has gotten so bad ...
A. 30 January 2009: Justice or vengeance? Neither is healing. I've read the entire post and am still not sure what it is you want. It seams to me you live in fear.
What is Justice? Is it an eye for an eye? To make him hurt in the same way that you have hurt for... (read in full...)
Women who date younger men are known as cradle-robbers or cougars, but what are women dating older men called?
Q. Random question: Women who date younger men are known as cradle-robbers or cougars, but what are women dating older men called?...
A. 30 January 2009: At your age, "Jail Bait"
FA... (read in full...)
I need your help guys... How do I make the first move?
Q. I started seeing a boys in July and he asked me out in November. The long and short of it is we're both really shy and even though I know he likes me and he knows I like him we're finding it hard to make the first mood. Gawd knows how Im gonna do ...
A. 27 January 2009: Mango Spice,
First off, Thanks for writing back. Getting feedback is rare on this board.
I agree that working through friends has certain drawbacks. It has been a very long time since I was your age but I think I can dredge up a few tricks ... (read in full...)
Would you ever go back to an ex???
Q. Hiya people, One quick question when a guy says he doesn't go back to his ex, does he mean it even when people say there's a connection between you both? That's what my ex has said to me, but he's gone back to one of his ex's before and it ha...
A. 27 January 2009: Wow, it seems like this question comes up every day. I really don't have a lot of experience with ex-s, but reading thru this post I was struck with a strange sense of deja vu. I knew I had seen this question in some form before. So to ... (read in full...)
What should I get him for Valentine's Day?
Q. Hey... I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years and 7 months. What should I get him for valentines day?...
A. 27 January 2009: Ahhhh Gina you are a sweetheart but . . . .
Guys just think differently , no emote differently.
Any way, if you want to pamper you man, A steak and a blow job is the way to go. See Steakandbjday.com for the whole explanation.
... (read in full...)
I need your help guys... How do I make the first move?
Q. I started seeing a boys in July and he asked me out in November. The long and short of it is we're both really shy and even though I know he likes me and he knows I like him we're finding it hard to make the first mood. Gawd knows how Im gonna do ...
A. 26 January 2009: I had a girlfriend when I was your age who had the same problem with me. She told a friend who told my friend, Who told me. Then the three of them set up a time where we (me and her) would be alone. It sounds so cliche now, but it was effective ... (read in full...)
What should I get him for Valentine's Day?
Q. Hey... I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years and 7 months. What should I get him for valentines day?...
A. 26 January 2009: To be blunt, Don't bother, He won't remember anyway.
On the other hand, if he has a history of remembering special days with nice gifts, give him a public display of affection that is appropriate to your relationship, and say "Happy Valentin... (read in full...)
He sexually harrasses me, how do I get him to stop?
Q. there is this guy at school, he is my friend (or at least he used to be) i am not sure if i consider him a friend anymore because all he ever does is sexually harrasse me! he is always trying to get me to either sleep with him, give him oral, or ...
A. 26 January 2009: My daughter had a similar but less serious problem with a boy in her gym class. One day she just yelled "Stop Harassing me!". As it happened the School policeman was walking by, He called the kid right out of class and took him to the office for a ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to get back with my ex, last night I slept with her best friend!
Q. last night i slept with my ex gf's best friend, ive been trying to get back together with my ex but this f*cked everything up, what do i do!...
A. 23 January 2009: Healthy relationships are based on trust. You seem to have a history of violating her trust in you. You also seem to have no respect for her. You think she is stupid. I think that she is starting to get wise to you.
What you should do now is ... (read in full...)
This is the woman who had the ring question...
Q. (This is the woman who had the ring question) And don't even get me started on his spending. We had a joint account and he claimed that someone came and stole our money. He had spent half of my bond that I got from my grandpa of about six hundred ...
A. 22 January 2009: If you hate him, and he can't do anything right, and he can't afford to give you the baubles that you demand, why do you sleep with him?
FA... (read in full...)
I'm confused. If real women are better then why is the "ideal" totally unrealistic?
Q. Hi. I'm an insecure 20 year old. I'm very confused. For one, guys always say beauty comes from within, looks don't care, real women are sexier and more attractive than fake ones, etc. I'm just talking about looks, not personality. ...
A. 19 January 2009: Once again into the breech!
When I was a teenager I was attracted to tall thin girls with long blond hair. Regardless of my diminutive stature I did pretty well chasing them. Then something happened I fell hard for a short overweight girl wit... (read in full...)
I'm confused. If real women are better then why is the "ideal" totally unrealistic?
Q. Hi. I'm an insecure 20 year old. I'm very confused. For one, guys always say beauty comes from within, looks don't care, real women are sexier and more attractive than fake ones, etc. I'm just talking about looks, not personality. ...
A. 19 January 2009: It is unrealistic in a relationship for a person to say 'I know this hurts you but I'm going to keep doing it'. Your guy is going to hve to doing it if you aer to have a healthy relationship.
Now your final statement you hate your body. Because ... (read in full...)
Is there a difference in northern men in the U.S. compared to southern men?
Q. Is there a difference in Northern men in the U.S. compared to southern men? Well here is the question, since I'm attracted to someone that's from Alabama, and I happen to be from Michigan, I was only wondering if there is a difference in Northern...
A. 19 January 2009: I'd like to look at this from the guys point of view. Also pointing out that these are generalities and will not apply to all cases. One of the big differences between northern men and southern men is that southern men are used to southern women. ... (read in full...)
Is she over reacting?
Q. I have been very stress out with planning my wedding, my work and my family life. So sex have the last thing on my mind. My fiance and me haven`t had sex in 3 weeks because I haven`t really been up to it lately. One night my fiance and me were going ...
A. 12 January 2009: That's a tough call. I think we are missing part of the story. Where is all the stress coming from. Your fiance should have about 4 X the wedding planing stress that you do. So it must be job or family related. At your age you should not be not ... (read in full...)
Can she get pregnant from this?
Q. okay well i fingered a girl on new years and i think i might've gotten sperm/cum on my fingers and i am scared for her she is freakin out and does not know what to do ...
A. 9 January 2009: Dr. Ruth would tell you it only takes one fast one! You really should know more before you do. And you should be prepared to live with the consequences (even low probability consequences) of your actions.
Big Bad Dad
FA... (read in full...)
He got me nothing for Christmas or our 1st anniversary?
Q. OK!..so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months.Hes my first real boyfriend n i think i love him.For our first month anniversary we didn't eraly do anything special just hung out all day with each other.I was ...
A. 7 January 2009: OK, with that added information I think we can positively say that he is not over her. And quite possibly he is not as into you as you are into him.
FA... (read in full...)
Pregnant using a condom?
Q. Me and this girl are wantin to have sex, but she dont want me to use a condom. She takes pills, can she still get pregant, if i dont use a condom...
A. 7 January 2009: The "Pill" back in the 80's was over 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. And unlike condoms never breaks or slips, etc. If Pregnancy was the only issue it would be sufficient. But there are Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's). The pill ... (read in full...)
He got me nothing for Christmas or our 1st anniversary?
Q. OK!..so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months.Hes my first real boyfriend n i think i love him.For our first month anniversary we didn't eraly do anything special just hung out all day with each other.I was ...
A. 6 January 2009: First off let me restate one of my old saws. Guys are emotionally retarded. You are going to have to explain to him that you like presents for every occasion. This is all new terriitory for you and you are having trouble separating your dream boy ... (read in full...)
How should I react if I run into my ex?
Q. Hello there! My ex had commitment issues and couldn't handle our relationship. He asked to still be friends but he only wanted a friends with benefits deal, which made me angry. So after that, whenever he called or texted me, I didnt reply.I have ...
A. 31 December 2008: Good for you. It is always better to be bluntly honest in this situation. Tell him you are looking for more and it doesn't help to be seen hugging him on campus. Something like, "yes we had a good thing, but you weren't taking me where I want to ... (read in full...)
One of my cats died and the other is missing it terribly...
Q. This is not a romance question but hoping that there might be some cat lovers and/or owners out there who can help. My eighteen year old cat was put to sleep today because of complications with kidney disease. My other seventeen year old who I have ...
A. 26 December 2008: Sirena,
Thanks for writing in. It is good to know there are other affectionate cats out there. I have often wondered if it was due to some childhood trama. Our tabby was a self rescue. He showed up in the dead of winter. Sat on the porch for a ... (read in full...)
One of my cats died and the other is missing it terribly...
Q. This is not a romance question but hoping that there might be some cat lovers and/or owners out there who can help. My eighteen year old cat was put to sleep today because of complications with kidney disease. My other seventeen year old who I have ...
A. 25 December 2008: 18 and 16 are fantastic ages for cats you must really take good care of them. I also had 2 cats, when the older siamese died of old age the younger tabby was quite depressed for some time. He refused to eat certain foods that were favorites of the ... (read in full...)
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