| A
age
41-50,
*
writes: I've been married for 6 years and its been hard. My wife and I have two kids. Now, a couple of years ago she cheated on me when she went out with some friends to santa monica to spend the night. She sadi she thought someone gave her sonething because she could not remember but i think she was lying. Recently we have been arguing and she is not happy because i have lost my job and she is the only income coming in and we have alot o bills, etc... She says i have not found a job on purpose because I have not been looking like I should which is true because in the beginning I thought i would get unemployment but then found out I was denied. Well recently I have found some emails from her to another guy and the other guy i just a perve, only wanting to have sex on line and over the phone. I think she has had sex online once or twice but not sure. We live in one of my parents houses and she tried to seperate and the kids heard this and did not want me to leave so she told me to stay. But I know if I leave my parents will want her out of the house and want me to bring the kids with me. I dont know what to do? She says she has been unhappy for a long time. I love her and know if I confront her, it will be the end of our marriage and we will fight for custody and I dont want to break up my family or have my kids go through this. What should I do and what do you all think of this situation? I really need some help.... Please..
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bitch  +, writes (26 August 2009):
SEx online? How does that happen? anyways, this relationship sounds dysfunctional and needs real therapy or if not you should probably end it and just take it one day at a time thereafter. Ending a relationship is hard, but can bring you happiness when you end your grief over it and are able to move forward....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all that have respond. I will continue to read your responses and I will make up my mind of what to do. And I am looking for a job... So to those wrote about a job, you are all right...Thank you again..
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 August 2009):
 If you want to save your marriage as you have expressed. Get a job. Get on your own two feet. I take it you are living in property owned by your parents, and not with your parents. If that is the case start paying rent. If you are living with one of your parents move out as soon as you can get the money together.
She needs to respect you, and doing these things will give her someone to respect. Women want to feel secure. You are not providing security for her. You are faithful and love her. She can get that from a pet. She needs security from her man. I know this sounds harsh. This is a Man to Man talk and we aren't going to beat around the bush.
She may be flirting or have wandering eyes, so give her what she wants at home and she will be happy. She chose you first. As to the thing that may or may not have happened 2 years ago. If you love her you can let that go.
There are no guarantees in life. Some times love doesn't last. But, as a man you need to be able to say, should she leave you, that you did all you could do to save it. No confessing that you didn't look for a job as hard as you could. Are you picking up day work? Are you in the job service office every week, twice a week? Heck, are you selling plasma? Collecting aluminum cans? You need to prove this to yourself as well as to her.
You be the man.
FA
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): I think,(and please excuse my saying so if it's way off course), that you are a dependent personality that she has taken advantage of on countless occasions and has probably had you by the balls since you met.You deserve so much more as a man, so find the independence and the courage to lay it all out there, because walking on egg shells around her will just create more frustration turned anger within, and It will surely be more difficult on the kids as opposed to being straight up with your feelings.Financal stress in a marriage only exasperates matters, and your not having work can only add to it but you're supposed to be a team and she just seems to see the "I" in it. People lose jobs all the time especially in the economic climate, so you're not alone.I'm curious, why wait around for unemployment if there are jobs available? If you have more time on your hands, those hands are the idle work of the devil and you're held captive in your own mind.Respect yourself and take charge, right now it seems as though you're just letting her walk all over you. It's kind of like giving someone and inch and their taking a mile, she's not immune to it so talk it out and be firm.I've been there my friend and that's why I kind of have to make a firm reply here, not to make things seem worse and your fault, because it's not the case. Rather, accept your side of what is wrong, recognize your issues with her and calmly talk it out without letting her take advantage.People cheat for a reason, and it generally comes with lack of feeling loved (ie: lack of communication and honesty) or plain old taking advantage of a meak partner.All the best and you deserve better in life, so make her know that.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (26 August 2009):
Infidelity is a treacherous road. Honestly I think that if your wife did have some business on holiday, you need to reevaluate the situation on hand. Is it worth to stay with someone who is not in it whole heartedly. -iydm
...............................
A
male
reader, celestial  +, writes (26 August 2009):
Do not stay in a relationship for your children. It makes unhappy families. As a women she has cheated on you. Sure you still love her, but she doesn't respect you. You need to find someone else that you will love and love you back as you deserve. Bills and children has nothing to do with it. The rest is but excuses not to do anything. It is just wind.Children need stable family even if you are alone with them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): hello It seems that theres been more negative things in this marriage than postive, marriage well we all no is suposed to be annoncing your love to the whole world, can you member how you felt on that day saying your wedding vowels to each other, remember that day and think over the 6 years if youve been treating one anther with the love you used to share the love what made you get married ? Maybe your wife is feeling unloved and just wants to feel the spark you had when you first met as this might solve the reasons to why shes finding men online but rahter she is doing it online than actually in person. The time when she had cheated maybe it is worth it to beleive her that she couldnt rember as on so many times people have been drugged so thats upto you wether to beiieve your wife or not to beleive. But if nothing does come from that i wouldnt be just staying together just for the kids as this doesnt help as much as you would think it does, there just going to be bought up in a home where there mum and dad are just pretending to love each other from that i think is causing more harm than good. Overall it seems that you just dont want your kids to be getting hurt from this whole process but really think about it and talk to each other and maybe try what i said at the beggining an maybe do something very romantic and if nothing changes you talk maturley with each other as you are both adults with children and the children should get to see each of there mum and dads as i dont think having custody from just one parent would solve anything it would just cause even more upset to your children. I hope you get everything sorted out :)
...............................
|
