| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I like this girl but I like her friend too and don't know who to choose.
Q. Hey, I'm 18 and I have been trying to get with this girl at work for almost a year now and its not looking good, she keeps making up excuses but this new guy started and she's obsessed with him! She's on him like a rash non stop. Her friend has also...
A. 27 January 2010: Some times you really wonder when you give advice if anyone is listening. Or if the listen then ignore you. I see you got the most important parts of my message. I'm glad you chose to focus your attention on the girl who is flirting with you.
... (read in full...)
Did not want him, until he had someone else!
Q. I have a friend that has this friend that she talks to on the phone and go out sometimes. Her friend has asked her many times to become his girlfriend, and she always said no, and she would tell him how she never felt nothing for him, that he was as ...
A. 26 January 2010: This situation is so common that many men will tell you that women only want things that they can't have. It is quite likely that she really doesn't want him, but was enjoying stringing him along. She will quickly get over it. The best thing you ... (read in full...)
Just wondering if there are any good dream decoders out there?
Q. Hi, just wondering if there are any good dream decoders out there? Me and my boyfriend split up a few weeks ago and after I had found out it was because he left me for another woman I cut all ties between us and burnt a bridge so to speak. Any...
A. 26 January 2010: Personally I like Dreammoods.com I find it helps me make sense of my dreams. I had a strange dream myself the other day. I'm really wondering about the interpretation too.
Any way it is best if you go look at the interpretations yourself... (read in full...)
How do I deal with his excess baggage?
Q. Hi, i need help my partner and i have been together for 4 years now i feel like i am at my wits end and need help urgently. I feel as if i shouldnt have to deal with this anymore and i know that hes so over this issue too. The problem is that im soo ...
A. 26 January 2010: Sounds like you are doing the right things. I do worry about breaks. You should use the break as a rest and excuse to avoid the party, then get back together. Breaks help you separate, they rarely help you get back together. Sometimes breaks ... (read in full...)
We live together, we don't make love as often and he goes out a lot! Any help?
Q. me and my boyfriend we are deeply in love and live together for 3 months and everything is going good. i have noticed that we dont make love as much as we used to before and he says that i say im always tired and not feeling good. is true but not ...
A. 25 January 2010: They say that eating wedding cake will permanently reduce a womans sex drive. There is a similar reaction in men. When they move in with a girl they stop romancing them. They for some reason think that they have won, so they stop trying. ... (read in full...)
How can I make my husband leave his hobby alone for a night so we can have sex to bring back the spark in our marriage?
Q. Okay , all the lady's and Men please help me. ima keep it simple wich is the best way to bring that spark back in our marriage. If my husband tells me he is sick of me keeps on talking in an angry voice, never talks to me at all. How can i ask a ...
A. 25 January 2010: There are some things you should look into. You say he is moody and has a lowered sex drive. You even call it PMS. It looks like IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome) A hormone imbalance in men that can cause exactly those symptoms. This can be treated ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with his excess baggage?
Q. Hi, i need help my partner and i have been together for 4 years now i feel like i am at my wits end and need help urgently. I feel as if i shouldnt have to deal with this anymore and i know that hes so over this issue too. The problem is that im soo ...
A. 25 January 2010: I wonder if somewhere he is asking when you will get over your jealousy. Or, when you will stop letting your parents run your life. Your situation is unusually tangled, too many connections on your side and his. I know some people from New ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I am not slim to save any embarrassment on the night?
Q. i want to tell a man i am meeting soon that i am not slim. what should i say. we are only contacting by phone at the moment. have sent him sum pics and look gud in them but in reality i see myself as much bigger and think he has a rite to know. i am ...
A. 25 January 2010: The main question here seems to be did you send him current but flattering pictures? Or,did you send him old pictures from before the girls? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you sent him pictures that are current but ... (read in full...)
Romantic ideas for valentine's day???
Q. I'm looking for help and ideas of what to do on valentines day. in the evening/night me and my boyfriend are going out to a nice restaurant for a romantic meal and then off to a nice bar for some drinks but i want to arrange something for during t...
A. 24 January 2010: OK The important thing is that you do something that allows you to talk, and be together. That is why Racquetball is not a good idea. While heavy breathing can be a turn on, it keeps you from talking clearly. If you go race go carts you will be ... (read in full...)
Question to the male aunts...
Q. How many men could accept the fact that they are returning to a relationship to which they feel that their wife has been with someone more manly than themselves while separated, even though their spouse may have changed things about themselves for ...
A. 22 January 2010: Like women, men do not like to be used. For whatever reason the woman left him to go build herself by experimenting with different men. For some reason thinking he would wait for her.
There are submissive men who would accept this. Submissi... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents I got a tatoo?
Q. hey guys just a little question, how can i tell my parents i got a tattoo?? its only a small one on my back and i am of age to get a tattoo, its not against the rules of my house to get one, i live at home and recently got my ears pierced my dad ...
A. 22 January 2010: I agree with part of what Em said. I don't want to know about my daughters pubic shaving habits. As long as I know they shower regularly I'm happy. On the other hand I think kids should feel safe talking to their parents. I'm a bit worried about ... (read in full...)
I like this girl but I like her friend too and don't know who to choose.
Q. Hey, I'm 18 and I have been trying to get with this girl at work for almost a year now and its not looking good, she keeps making up excuses but this new guy started and she's obsessed with him! She's on him like a rash non stop. Her friend has also...
A. 22 January 2010: You want two girls who both have other relationships. On top of that, you work with them.
Here is some good advice for you. Quit your job. Thought I would never say that, but at this point where you are about to give them both a present,... (read in full...)
I need to make a major decision here... any input would be appreciated.
Q. I have a boyfriend of a year and half. I absolutely love him. I live with him already and it is going great. It hasn't messed up our relationship at all. The thing is I have to switch schools to get the BS I am trying to get and I have two ...
A. 22 January 2010: OK, I'm an idiot. At least I don't have to claim I'm making GS 13 wage scale at 23, to back up my advice.
FA... (read in full...)
We fist fight all the time and it's not getting better... help!
Q. Well i was with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We spent so much time together, and as i look back i think that is where some of the problem started. I had so many friends even me and my exes was cool, and she did not like that. I talked to ...
A. 21 January 2010: People Die from this kind of relationship. Get help. Get Away before she sees that you posted this.
FA... (read in full...)
I need to make a major decision here... any input would be appreciated.
Q. I have a boyfriend of a year and half. I absolutely love him. I live with him already and it is going great. It hasn't messed up our relationship at all. The thing is I have to switch schools to get the BS I am trying to get and I have two ...
A. 21 January 2010: So, do you think of this as a choice between him and the sorority? If so, your relationship with him is not that deep, and you probably shouldn't be living together. What I see he is primarily a conflict in your subconscious mind. Part of you ... (read in full...)
Am I investing my time for it all to end anyway???
Q. I am in love beyond what I ever thought possible. I was once married (for almost 10 years), and left that relationship a hollow (cynical) man. I spent a lot of time learning about myself, my needs, and ultimately what I wanted. At about the time...
A. 21 January 2010: She is cheating. You can not be happy when you are doing things that you believe are wrong. Read up on what women mean when they say "I'm not happy".
FA... (read in full...)
I went down the affair route as I wanted to feel love, but I don't want to do that any more.
Q. i am not sure what i am feeling, but here it goes... I have been with my husband for 14 years. We met when we were 18 and got pregnant 9 months later, we have been together ever since, with a few breaks here and there. We have been married now 8 ...
A. 21 January 2010: Sometimes it helps to hear the problem from an outside point of view. Let me mirror back to you what you wrote in simple terms.
You believe that you and your husband are not in love. You know that each of you could be better off with someone ... (read in full...)
Bleeding while using the bathroom..sore insides! My bf is going a bit rough on me..help!
Q. Okay my fiance and I fool around alot. We do alot of kinky things. We have not had sex yet though. When he is fingering me or something I think he gets to rough maybe. Because now the my insides kinda hurt it only hurts on one side though. I am...
A. 20 January 2010: More Lube!
And, give it a rest for a while. And, yes see the doctor like caring guy said. Don't worry Doctors have seen it all. You may have a small tear or a hemorrhoid.
FA ... (read in full...)
Why are some guys like this?
Q. what makes it ok for some guys to think they can just touch girls and when the girl stands up to him she gets called a name. is that right?...
A. 20 January 2010: Well, I guess I can't fault you for being at church. Sounds like this guy has some trouble accepting boundaries. I would definitely not be alone with him and you should talk to an adult or authority about both incidents.
To the anonymou... (read in full...)
Why are some guys like this?
Q. what makes it ok for some guys to think they can just touch girls and when the girl stands up to him she gets called a name. is that right?...
A. 19 January 2010: I need to step back in and answer the original question because the answer is only here once. There are plenty of excuses and blaming. Here is the answer.
It is not OK for a guy to touch a girl in a sexual way when she is not inviting him too.... (read in full...)
Valentine's day....what to do? Should I drop some hints reminding him??
Q. My bf and I have been together for 10 months. As this is our first Valentine's Day we are about to celebrate, I don't really know what to do, or what to get him. I've never been in a relationship on valentines day, so I am a bit clueless. I am...
A. 19 January 2010: There are very few things in life a guy can do more wrong than to forget a valentines day. No other omission in life will get you into as much trouble. On the other hand there really is no need for a woman to do anything special. At least in my ... (read in full...)
Is this a cheating husband or not?
Q. if my husband emails and call his exgirlfriend who he cheated on me with when we were dating and he's telling her how she's pretty and her lips are so invting. would that be considered cheating? ...
A. 19 January 2010: It is inappropriate. Emotional affairs are as damaging as physical affairs.
I keep thinking that people close to my age should be smarter than to do something like this.
FA... (read in full...)
Why are some guys like this?
Q. what makes it ok for some guys to think they can just touch girls and when the girl stands up to him she gets called a name. is that right?...
A. 19 January 2010: To the Anon Female who replied to the anon male re the clothing issue. By the way this has nothing to do with the original question. People have the right to make many choices including the clothes we wear or don't wear. What we don't have the ... (read in full...)
Hubby says I'm not fun like others
Q. My husband went to luncheon with some female clients and when they asked him to bring me for lunch one day, he replied that I'm not fun like them. He told me this when he came home and realized his mistake when I was offended. He tried to correct ...
A. 19 January 2010: This is the classic Freudian slip. He said what was in the back of his mind when he intended to say something else. It appears that your husband is one of those men who have a double standard. There is one kind of girl that is fun to date and ... (read in full...)
Old lady - old question
Q. My husband is an alcholic and his drinking is getting worse every day. Been in detox four times in 2 yrs. I can't take in anymore. I don't know what to do next. I love my home. can I keep it on my own income? i am 50 something. We got married ...
A. 19 January 2010: A banker could look at your debt to income ratio and answer that. A lawyer could help you estimate what the divorce will cost you. Here we can help with the emotional issues. Alcohol is a tough one. So often it is combined with abuse. Victims ... (read in full...)
Is an old, young looking guy going out with a young woman, creepy?
Q. If a guy is 45, but literally looks 27, and goes out with a 20 year old, is that creepy?...
A. 19 January 2010: What I have always wanted to know is when a person dates someone who is 25 years younger than them, what do they talk about?
FA... (read in full...)
I got into a physical fight with my brother and now my boyfriend wants to beat the crap out of him.
Q. I am a 17 year old girl and well last night was a really bad night. My twin brother and me got in a physical fight. I was already really upset and he was just getting on my nerves because he was calling me names and saying stuff that was starting to ...
A. 19 January 2010: On the subject of physical violence. It has taken me 4 decades of life to learn that it doesn't solve any thing, or prove anything. It really doesn't help to salve your pride. I went through a stage where I was a lot like your boyfriend. I now ... (read in full...)
Glutton for punishment
Q. I have had an intimate relationship with an older guy for 3 years, mind you, he has a girlfriend. I kept thinking he would break up with her and be with me. Last week he told me he was getting married, that he wanted to stop seeing me, I said my ...
A. 19 January 2010: I'm wondering if this is his answer to the bachelor party, or one last fling. If that is the case it would be better for him to have it with someone he is not attached to. The classic form for this advice is, "if you want closure, start with your ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date my Brothers ex?
Q. I would like some answers on dating my brothers ex girlfriend My brother and his ex girlfreind split up 21 years ago and he passed on 3.5 years ago. Is it ok to date her now?...
A. 18 January 2010: Usually I would be very cautious about a close relatives ex. just the comparisons and rehashing history. It can get pretty ugly. but I think that after 21 years it should be safe. I hope you haven't been pining for her all that time. One thing ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's life has gone pearshaped and there is no room in it for me right now
Q. My boyfriend who's now my ex just broke up with me two weeks ago. He used the line " I think we should take a break" I"m trying to move on but can't help but wonder, what if. Were both young I'm 20 and he's 22. He says he has alot on his plate and ...
A. 16 January 2010: Why do people think that jealousy is a good sign? It is a negative emotion that you are deliberately feeding in him. If you really want to build a stronger relationship with him you need to build it on trust and love, not on fear and jealousy. Do ... (read in full...)
I am 16 and expecting twins!
Q. I am going two give birth to twins for the first time and does it hurt...
A. 16 January 2010: The simple answer is yes there is quite a bit of pain involved in natural child birth. But that isn't the whole story. There are natural and medical methods to help manage the pain. Your body has it's own defense against the pain. They say that ... (read in full...)
Family feud over wedding. Please help
Q. Hi there, I have a problem (again) I became engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years in october just gone and have been on cloud 9 up to christmas. When I was 9 I was adopted and my mum has a brother who has two children a boy and girl (tha...
A. 15 January 2010: I come from an adopting family, I have 4 adopted siblings. Based on my experience, your cousin is way out of line. But, I have seen similar scraps in non adoptive situations. My Dads family for example. The siblings (my aunts and uncles) fight ... (read in full...)
I was worried I might be pregnant so I dreamt I had a child with four eyes
Q. Ok, so I don't really know how to say this, and I'm pretty it's all going to sound like a worried, scared teenage girl asking for help, but that's exactly what it is, so I'm sorry. Basically, last night my boyfriend and I had sex, and though I've ...
A. 14 January 2010: Every time I get into one of these dream posts I find something that surprises me. This one took some persistence. I had to poke around quite a bit before I hit on the right symbols. So I may not have a good fit for you. As always I suggest that ... (read in full...)
Is having sex this soon sending bad messages to a man?
Q. I have been seeing someone for 2 weeks, and already had sex. It just feels very comfortable with him and I am in mid 40's he is 5 years older. Does that send a bad message to a man ? or is it ok if you both are really feeling were the relationship ...
A. 13 January 2010: You are old enough and, from what little you have written, mature enough to make that decision. I like that you indicate that the sexual activity is a true reflection of your feelings for each other. Generally I would advise to hold of on sexual ... (read in full...)
Advice on doing a good striptease???
Q. My and my boyfriend have planned to have a sexy night soon. One thing that I would really like to do is a strip tease for him as I've never done one properly before for him. I was just wondering what actually makes a good strip tease? Do I start wi...
A. 13 January 2010: The key word is "tease". Practice in front of a mirror. Your panties should match your bra. There is more but I'm uncomfortable enough giving this much advice to a teen.
FA... (read in full...)
Embarrassing wind problems...
Q. this is not a relationship question, but i wondered if anyone would be able to help. usually my diet is very very poor, i work in mcdonalds, and on a typical work day but diet would be... cereal or toast for breakfast, say a big mac meal plus a ...
A. 13 January 2010: Yep, the fiber is the smoking gun. (pun intended) But fiber is good for you. So add it gradually to your diet. And Congratulations on improving your diet! McDonalds still has some healthy stuff on the menu so you can still get some benefit from ... (read in full...)
What do I say to my parents? He wants to marry me!
Q. so heres my question im 18 iv been goin out with my boyfriend for 18 months, i love him i really do, he wants to get married hes 19, i do want to marry him but at the same time i dont i really dont know what to say to my parents even if i did say ...
A. 10 January 2010: There are some experiences you need before you are ready to get married. I think that living with roommates is vital to the success of a marriage. Here is why. Sharing the same small space with another person takes give and take. It takes ... (read in full...)
I didn't tell him the real reason I broke up with him!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago and he doesn't understand why. I told him that I could tell that over time, our personalities wouldn't work well together and we would make each other unhappy. That's true but not a very satisfying ...
A. 10 January 2010: You already told him the right thing, that your personalities aren't going to work together. The only thing he needs to hear is that you are not going to change your mind. He needs to move on, and when he absorbs that message he will be able to ... (read in full...)
How do ever find love again after your first love?
Q. hey, i was wondering do you ever find love after your first one? i havnt really stopped thinking about her over the last year, and i feel stuck and frustrated because i dont want to go against my feelings for her and meet someone new, but i know i ...
A. 10 January 2010: yes at least 3 times.
FA... (read in full...)
Where to go to eat on Valentine's Day
Q. Could anyone give me any good ideas on where to go out to eat on Valentines Day? I know it's a little early but, I'd rather plan things out than wait til the last minute to come up with something. I've been with my boyfriend since October of 2008 ...
A. 10 January 2010: Italian is hard to beat for romantic atmosphere. My Brother in law who has been working in restaurants for years claims that when he was your age he would go to the restaurant before the date and check out the menu so he would know how much money ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is not ready to have sex. I feel so rejected!
Q. My bf of two and a half years will not have sex with me. I have never had sex before and REALLY want to with him but everytime I try to initiate it, he turns me down. I have spoken to him about this three time over the past year but he has come ...
A. 10 January 2010: Thanks for the further information. That does clear out a lot of the possibilities. Not a virgin not hiding an erection problem. Not homosexual. It does leave two ugly possibilities.
1) Selfish lover.
2) poor communication
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is not ready to have sex. I feel so rejected!
Q. My bf of two and a half years will not have sex with me. I have never had sex before and REALLY want to with him but everytime I try to initiate it, he turns me down. I have spoken to him about this three time over the past year but he has come ...
A. 9 January 2010: I gotta admit that's pretty strange. It kid of says sexual orientation problem to me. Back in my day a homosexual man would move in with a girl in order to present a normal facade to the world. If you go back another generation they often married ... (read in full...)
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