A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and - of 6 yrs. Have our ups and downs. He has cheating on my once in the past about 2 and a half yrs ago. we grew up together. High school sweethearts so technically I have been dealing with him 6 or about 10 yrs. He got me a ring he talks about marriage ocassionaly but I recently found dirty Msg in his phone. He said we should seperate cuz he doesn't wanna hurt me. he's afraid to let go and trust me. He says he entertains these woman on the side so in the event I cheated he would be played the fool. he says he must not be built for marriage. Any advice. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 September 2009):
 Revenge in advance. Strange as it sounds, this is not the first time I have heard this. Warped juvenile thinking. He has already made a split with you, he just didn't tell you until now.
I have no trouble with a guy, or girl, dating many girls, or guys, as long as they are honest about it and don't share bodily fluids. Even at 22 - 25, people need to experiment and meet different kinds of people. What makes us all so mad about this guy is that he lied. You thought you were exclusive. That makes him a cheater.
It was wrong for him to say he can't trust you. The person he can't trust is himself. He can't be faithful, so he assumes that you can't either. This thinking is also more common than you would think.
Since he has already left you, there is no point trying to get back with some one who would treat you so badly, i.e. making a fool of you so he won't be a fool. Just let him go. And, this is a perfect time for the no contact rule. Don't even answer the phone if he has the nerve to call.
FA
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (3 September 2009):
 Sounds like you're engaged to a scumbag. Really why are you with him?
He treats you like dirt. He's kicked you to the curb and he's still using you.
He's definitely not marriage material and he sounds like a pimp.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Wow, he is making it your fault that he keeps women on the side, so if you cheat he doesn't look the fool.
He's good, that is the best piece of manipulation for getting out of taking responsibility for your own actions I have heard in my life and I am five decades old.
I appreciate that you have put in 6 long years with this guy and met him in high school. You have a lot of time invested.
But your time is up with him. You have been given a clear window into this man's character and it is not good.
Unless you want a lifetime of this manipulation, lying and yes abuse, then you need to wake up and get a clue and let this guy go for good. He will make your life a living hell, loving him enough will never never change him.
This is all about what a loser he is, not about you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): He's young and if you are his first girlfriend he will be fighting the inner urges of the primitive man to sow his seed elsewhere. He loves the attention he gets from these other women, whether he sleeps with them or not. The reason he gives for his behaviour is ludicrous. He's just being a normal man, he wants lots of women, that's what he's programmed for. He's not ready to settle down, but he probably loves you. It's a huge dilema for many men.
You will probably have to let him go off and do his thing. Have a complete break. Don't share him or be made a fool of. He might come back and marry you or he might not. Let things take their course. But there are things he needs to get out of his system for sure.
x
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