A
female
age
41-50,
*ishy fish
writes:hello everyone,i need ur advice plz ! 2 months back i ended a short relation with a guy who lied to me about having a girlfriend and i decided to give a chance to a man who seemes really nice at start, he got in touch with me first through smallworld website and expressed his admiration and respect for me ( he watched me on tv i'm a news anchor), he was extremely respectful and classy unlike most of the sleezy mails i receive , i thanked him very politely, he was in touch with me at least 3 times per month for 4 months before we agreed to finally meet (after i finalized my break up with my ex), so we met and he was very sweet and gentleman, he said he wanted us to date , i gave him a hard time at first telling him that i don't want to be in a realtionship now and i was really moody at first one day expressing my care for him the next morning telling him i only want him as a friend, till i finally i fell for him and apologized for the rollercoster mood .he spends 2 weeks of the month outside the country due to his work, i realized from day 1 that he's not good with time , meaning he's always late for dinners and plans, once i invited him home for dinner he came an hour and a half late. The problem started when he said he had a business dinner at 8pm and i saw him at 10pm walking with a girl on the street, i went crazy and texted him immediately calling him a liar , and to ever call me again, he called me after that from his female friend number explaining that his mobile went out of battery and that's his best friend sarah ( it maDE SENSe to me ) so he was so mad that i called him a liar that he agreed that we should only be friends, and he said he wants to see me before he travels in3 days i accepted, the next morning we cooled down and restarted the love stream, but he called me the following morning to tell em that he's on his way to the airport heading to new york for 2 weeks and ever since he called me maybe once in 1o days ( he usually doesn't call a lot and that's why i was unstable with him) , and he ignores most of my texts . He still CALL ME baby but i feel there's a change, he disappears for 3 days without news or calls , even in his previous trips he did it but this time it's different. please tell me what to think and how to act? do u think he has a girlfriend there especially that he spends most of his time there? what to do?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (3 May 2010):
 He might or might not have a girlfriend, it's hard to tell.
You, at any rate, did the right thing by ending it with your ex before starting to date this new man. However, it is a very good idea NOT to get involved with someone when you have just ended something.
Why not? Because you need time to reflect on the previous relationship; to think about what went wrong and both your behavior and that of your ex, that over time became less and less satisfactory leading to the eventual decision to break up. Also you need to check your feelings: regret, anger, grief, confusion, whatever, regarding how it all (did not) work out. Once you've gone through this process and are in a better state of mind, you will be ready a few months later to try meeting someone else.
You say this man was in touch with you three times a month for four months. That's not bad, I suppose, but it's not much.
As for the business dinner on the same night he was supposed to be having dinner with you, why didn't he realize he had the business dinner? Do you think he's a little forgetful and disorganized? It's possible, and I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, BUT walking down the street a couple hours later with his "best friend"? MAYBE this Sarah IS his best friend, but it sounds suspicious to me. He should have gotten in touch with you right after his business dinner; not gone out for a walk, or on a date with someone else - assuming the supposed business dinner was not just a fiction. YOU should NOT have had to text HIM!
To sum up: he sounds much too casual and thoughtless: an hour and a half late to your place for dinner; ignoring your texts and not contacting you for several days at a time. These are very bad signs.
You ask what to do and how to act. I'd say DROP HIM here and now! No matter if he has a girlfriend elsewhere, he's very inconsiderate of you. It's not worth worrying over this one.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 When you are together and in a good mood you are lovers. When you are apart and you feel insecure you are friends. You didn't ask for a serious relationship and he is what you get, and you can't expect him to behave like he is in a serious relationship with you. When you forgive your ex, let go of your emotional issues you will attract a guy who will be able to provide what you need.
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