A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my muslim boyfriend we were together over 3 years... we were good for the first year but then I couldn't deal with me being a secret anymore all we would do is get into aruements about it but all he would do is ignore the situation I felt like there was not respect or trust I use to think maybe he had a wife or just wanted everyone to think he was single. I felt hurt because other then that we had a good relationship we would go on vaction together. But I felt that all it was was having fun together instead of caring about my true feeling about this. I even wanted to live with him but he wasn't ready.. I woulds try to break up with him but all he would say if u break up with me you don't love me, so he made me feel guilty so I stood with him. He told me he couldn't deal with his parents anymore us being together like 2 years he went to michigan to sell purses out there which I gave him the money 4 it he evetually came back....I felt bad that he coulds leave his parents and not tell where he went but couldnt tell them about the love of his life. When he came back he purposed to me. He even went to yeman 4 2 months in the relationship saying his father was sick. He ended coming back from yeman dec 2008 and I ended finding out I was pregnant jan 2009.. when I found out I couldn't believe it I was very confused I told him I might keep it but I don't want to be a secret tell your parents about me but he said there is a right time for everything.... I demanded that cause I deserve that already... I was a secret didn't want my baby to be a secret... I went to get an abortion but he stopped me so I decided imma have the baby but he started distancing himself. I was having pain when I was pregnant and he came to the house to pick me up but I started arguing with him but its was a more of a disagreement I went into the shower and when I came he left and shut his phone off... I said that's it imma have an abortion so I did and it, a year later and still cry about it...I do have my regrets cause he said he wasn't gonna have me and baby a secret but I still got scared I guess all this time I was so it hurt. Plus when we were together I could not drink eat pork and sometimes he would gget mad what I wear... my mom was telling me just date people and c what's out there cause she felt like he wasn't for me... so I did and I found this great guy I feel likew got sent me him cause its really hard to find a good guy... but I and I broke up with my muslim boyfriend but I still about him and I don't know if I'm making the right choice....when I first broke up eith him he would come to my job called my job to c if I'm there come to my house honking the horn to come down then leav flowers out side my building.. that all pushed me away so I started hanging out with this guy he is so nice but I fell guilt that I see him cause I never took a guys number hung out with another guy I was very faithful but I feel he lead me to this cause even after the abortion he still didn't tell them about me I told him my love for you is gonna turn into hate and it did I love him but when I'm aboud him I can't stand him...no that I broke up with him he want to take me where he lives and meet hisparents. Which he wanted me to meet his family only if we happen to bump into him...but he fianlly took me to his house and I'm happy that I got what I want but know I feel its to late I wish he would've did it before I felt this way and start to get feeling for someone else... I need help should I stay with my muslim boyfriend and make it work?
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abortion, broke up, flowers, money, muslim Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u denise for you advice. I will take it into great consideration.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Possibly, but I wouldn't count on it. Even if he told you he is wrong for "putting his beliefs on you", there is still his parents to contend with. THEY will be utterly opposed.........do you want him to either deceive them, or to have a rift with them?
What you CAN count on, though is the fact that if you continue with him and want to get married, you WILL be expected to become Muslim - and you've told us (sensibly, in my opinion) you're not prepared to do that - and all the lifestyle changes that would go with that, as other aunts and uncles have written.
My advice to you is still: Do yourself a favor and end it! I know it will be a loss, and you'll grieve, but it's in your best interests to make the break.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThing this is he let's me drink and eat pork. But he use to tell me people must change to be happy in a relationship.. but now he let's me eat and drink in front of him...he changed that so he won't lose me...he said he realized he was wrong for putting his belief on me...so do u think he means that
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 February 2010):
Yes, you do have to think about your future. His parents think being with you is a phase he's going through and that he'll eventually settle down and marry a nice Muslim girl. That's why meeting them "wasn't so bad."
Believe you me, if he was telling them he fully intends to make you his wife, then as others have said, it would be a whole different kettle of fish. In that case, he most certainly WOULD increase his demand 100 percent that you become Muslim (if you doubt this, think about the fact that he would not permit you to drink alcohol or eat pork when out with him).
The pressure on you to convert to Islam would be so great you wouldn't be able to stand it, and it would drive you crazy........no, dear woman, put him firmly in your past life, once and for all. No more contact whatsover (except to tell him, if you haven't already done so) that its finally over and that your decision is irrevocable.
You'll do much better in meeting someone of your own religion, culture and background (as I said before) and bringing up a family with that someone.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey asian tealeaf his parents are very religous that's why I was a secret so long. But when I broke up with him eventually he knew I was not dealing with it anymore and brought me to his house. I was very suprised. She looked at me alittle funny but invited me in her house. She told my boyfriend to tell me to sit and offered me something to drink she only knows arabic. Her and my boyfriend was talking amoungst eachother. We left kinda fast because his mom wanted me to meet his father but my boyfriend thought that woulds be a bad idea...when I left I was like that's it it wasn't that bad as he made it out to be he said that they were gonna kick him out. I now ask him what they say about me and he says she says nothing about it only that I was pretty ands if I'm gonna become muslim which is a big no and he accepts that but I'm not sure if he might change later. I feel hurt that it wasn't so bad and I had to abort the baby why couldn't he do what he did now before I made my desicion about the baby. He said his father is not saying anything either cause they believe that it is a faz that he is going through eventually he would be with a muslim. I do love him we had a lot of good times as well. but I have to think about my future and I'm not getting younger I want a family and be happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the advice you made me stronger to stick with my desicion. He was a good guy to me but his regilion made him who he is. He always told me I don't have to be muslim but maybe onece I get married to him that can all change. If I need advice I will definetly email you thank you all for your support.
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female
reader, _Katy_Did_ +, writes (17 February 2010):
 No. Don't try to make this work. He is controlling you with guilt and emotional manipulation. I understand how it feels to love someone, even when you don't want to. The thought of leaving them feels awful even when you can't stand them. It's scary! Someone is there for so long and then suddenly gone. It's a big change. But if you don't leave the situation, it's going to get worse. I'm sorry to tell you, but things aren't going to get better. He won't change his ways over night and may never change them at all. You deserve much better. It sounds like you're the only one who has been trying at all. Date other people. Find someone who deserves you. Find someone you truly want and who really makes you happy. Your partner shouldn't be someone who lies to his family about you and forces you into an abortion because you feel like he doesn't want his own child. You deserve a break from this mental stress and guilt. Do yourself a favor and just walk away. He sounds like a bad guy.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 February 2010):
No, I don't think you should stay with your Muslim boyfriend and try to make it work.
You were together three years, and much of that time it was very difficult - not least because he wouldn't tell his parents about you, and insisted you not drink alcohol or eat pork when out with him. His parents would very likely be unhappy to realize you and he have had sex, for one thing. Muslims are expected to marry other Muslims. If he did marry you the pressure on you to convert would be tremendous. Your life would become much more restricted, especially if you and he were to move to Yemen. You need to be aware of this (if you aren't already) and think very, very seriously as to whether you could cope with what would likely be a radical change of lifestyle.
I know getting pregnant and eventually deciding to have an abortion, and your bf's attitude toward all that, was very upsetting and stressful.
No, let go of this one and see if you can meet someone else who shares more of your background, culture and religion.....good luck!
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female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 this may come across as prejudiced. but believe me honey when i tell you this. dating a muslim male almost never bodes well. how religious is his family? if he told you he could only be with you if you converted to islam, would you do it? religion plays a big part in his decisions believe it or not. he knows his responsibilities towards obeying his parents, especially his mother. as heaven apparently lies between the feet of a muslims mother....meaning if one wishes to see paradise, his mother must be pleased with him. and most muslims dont approve of interfaith marriages. dont feel grievious about your abortion. you did what was right for you at the time. and it probably was. i have been exposed to the muslim culture in ways most people have not been. and i know well enough one thing for sure. for your own well being and safety, i recommend that you find a man of non muslim background. the chances of him sooner or later asking u to convert is very likely. 87% chance of it happening. and then you will be subjugated to the beliefs and customs of that faith. and women in islam have no rights.i dont say this out of ignorance. but on direct experience. i studied islam extensively and deeply. and its not a religion or culture for us.your better then that. you will be happy with someone else. trust me. dont make the mistake many american women do. getting caught in that mess is not funny. it becomes an ensnarement you cant find yourself out of.. and its a downward sprial down the slippery slopes to a dark place you dont want to be in. good luck. any questions you can message me and we can discuss more details privately...
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