A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with 2 different guys. One is my husband. We have been married almost 4 years. We have spent more time apart than together. He has a record for cheating on me. He's cheated on me more than count. He says hes changed. He is also the father of my little girl. When we do split up he never come and sees her or nothing. He doesn't have a job. The other guy I got involved with when my husband and I was separated 2 years ago. He wants me back now. He has a job and has never cheated on me or broken my heart. He has two little girls he takes care of. He is an excellent dad. What should I do? I want them both. I don't want to hurt anybody.
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male
reader, Kenneth +, writes (25 February 2010):
The grass may not be greener on the other side. Once you move in with the other guy, he may change.What you guys are having at the moment is an affair, and it's exciting for him because his ego has be stroked by being better than your husband. My advice...work things out with your husband.Give him some conditions...get a job, hold the job, take care of us or go jump in the lake. Contrate on taking good care of your daughter with or without your husband or any man for that matter.Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): First of all, what loser doesn't have a job when he's married and has a little girl to support? Second of all, why are you still with him? If you have someone else willing to love and support you and your daughter in a way that will make you happy in every aspect, take the leap! Yes, I believe strongly in marriage and vows, but not when one of the parents has a choice to be there for their child and doesn't take it. Even if this new guy's not the greatest with children, the fact that he might try as hard as he can, at the same time as respecting you and loving you to the fullest is good enough reason to give him a chance, especially if the loser husband your with now has cheated on you more times than you can count. The only reason he's probably saying he's changed that is because he's gotten so confident that he can get away with it behind your back. If it was one time, I could see it, but forgiveness and turning a blind eye are two different things. The fact that he doesn't want to work and doesn't come to visit his daughter when you're split up shows how poor a father he desires to be. It would also be a little different if he worked long hours and used that as a reason not to be there too much, but this guy doesn't have an excuse at all. It takes loving parents to make a marriage work, if there are children involved. Only be with the new guy, though, if he's someone you can see being happy with for a very long time, not just if he's caring and hasn't cheated on you, and you have a good time with him. Look deep and compare what you have now to what you don't have, and whether it's worth losing the last guy. Do you feel he will change soon, or do you see him only being the way he is now? The fact that he stopped cheating, supposedly, doesn't mean he's working or wants to show any love or attention toward his daughter.. Last of all, are you going to regret one of the decisions long after you make it? Weigh the positives and negatives, and go from there.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (25 February 2010):
By the sounds of it the other guy is more mature and would be a better partner to you. You dont want to be with someone who cheats on you..if hes done it numerous amounts of time they he will never stop..he doesnt even care about his daughter when hes away from you. Go with the other guy, why should you care if you end up hurting your husband? Do you think he thought about your feelings everytime he stuck it to someone else? I dont think so.. Put your heart first, other guy is the way Id go..
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Whatever you decide to do, someone's going to get hurt. You can't have both men.
You're ultimately going to have to choose whether or not to stay with your husband and try to work on your marriage, or whether to give it up and get divorced.
Have you and your husband tried joint marital counseling? If you want to make it work with him, that might be a good place to start - if he is willing to try, that is. Presumably you have told him how much his affairs hurt you and how difficult it is for you to be supporting both him and your daughter? Whatever you decide, you need to put her well-being first.
Perhaps you should step away from the other man until you are clear on what you want to do about staying married, or not. If the other man really values you and wants you surely he will understand that you have to decide your future, and will be willing to give you the time and space to do so, even if that means he might lose you.........
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