A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my male best friend haven't spoke to each other in about 4 to 5 years. We were very close for almost 12 years, and I loved him so much. We would tell each other everything. We had even kissed a couple of times but we never had sex. We had talked about being together a couple of times but we were always in other relationships throughout our friendship. Finally about 4 years ago, we were both single and I told him how I really felt about him and that I was in love with him. He told me he loved me too, and we slept together. Right after that things got weird and he stopped calling me as much, stopped returning my phone calls. I stopped calling him for a while to give him some space, and when I finally talked to him about it, I told him I just wanted my friend back, and he told me everything was fine. But he still acted distant towards me. I let some months go by without talking to him or calling him, and he never called me or tried to keep in contact with me. By this point I was extremely hurt and depressed. I really had strong feelings for this man for a long time, I thought he loved me. So finally I wrote him an angry letter after sometime had went by, I wasn't disrespectful, but I gave him a piece of my mind. 2 days later I had got a phone call from someone (blocked call)who wasn't saying anything, but you could tell they wanted to. I just hung up the phone, I figured it was him, but I was so hurt I couldn't talk to him.Now that I've had some time to really think about things and mature about the situation, I know probably came on too strong and freaked him out, and I wish I had handled things differently, but after all these years have passed I still miss him. And it sucks because I with someone else who I love but I still think about my friend all the time. I'm pretty sure my ex-friend has moved on, but how come I can't stop thinking about him, especially when he hurt me so badly. Did I do the right thing? Do I still love him or do I feel bad because my friend is gone?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 May 2010):
 In your mind this is still unresolved. Because you feel you have unfinished business with him, it still hurts you. Even more, not only do you have "unfinished business" but it's "business" that didn't have the outcome you wanted.He, it would seem, is clear in his own mind that your friendship is long ago over with.Look here: you did what you could. You told him you were in love with him; he assured you he felt the same, and slept with you. However, because he then began to withdraw and act distant, he evidently was not at all sure of his feelings for you. He may have been flattered that you were in love with him, without really being able to return the feeling. You then stopped calling him - and he did not get in touch with you, please note - and when you did catch up and talked he said he said everything was fine, but continued to give you the "cold shoulder" and not contact you.Obviously, your attempt at letting him know you just wanted the friendship back didn't convince him. I would guess he was real uneasy about you at this point, because if it REALLY was "fine" with him, he would have started being friendly again.You would have done better to have let it go when you saw that after two attempts you just weren't getting anywhere. Instead, out of hurt and anger you wrote him an angry letter giving him a piece of your mind.It's been five years now since your friendship ended, and you are still brooding about it. I'm afraid that what is needed now is to recognize that you did everything you could and that, unfortunately, it wasn't enough. That's the way life is, sometimes, you know. Despite our best efforts, some things just don't work out the way we would like. It may be that it is isn't what we would ultimately be happy for the long term with.If you now have someone else you love, then that is the relationship you and he need to pay attention to and to be happy together. OR, if you can't, let that go also. It's not fair to be with one man while still longing for another, especially after all this time.It may be very hard, but you just have to grit your teeth and make up your mind that you're going to put this firmly behind you.Hope this helps!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Probably both! You lost a friend and you got no real closure to the whole situation. If there is a way you could contact him to get that much needed closure do it. If it was me I would try to at least let him know that you may have been harsh when you wrote that letter and you feel bad for that behavior. Then even if you never speak again you can feel better knowing that you did not close that chapter in a bad way.
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