A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 18 and have been at university since September last year. I started going out with a boy I met here in October, the whole thing has been so intense from the start and now he practically lives with me. I have serious trust issues with him though, he told me he liked someone else he's known for ages who I've also gotten to know and he told her this one night when he was drunk - I found out by Reading his texts (which I wouldn't have even thought of doing before). We got through that but recently I've taken to Reading his texts whenever I can to see who he's talking to. Him and his ex flirt quite a lot, but I can't prove anything without admitting to Reading his texts again. I talked about her with him but I've noticed he's started deleting the worst of her texts. I hate wanting or even needing to snoop on him constantly but I'm so worried about what is going on with him and his ex that I don't know what to do. He's going to see her a lot in summer when he's at home, I'll be at home aswell over summer and I live quite far away. I want to trust him but I can't. Does anyone know what I should do to get peace of mind?
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 I have to agree with the mess below, he should be patching things up with you but he is not, why because he likes and might desire to be with someone else. This relationship might be over you just haven't accepted it yet. keep your pride and move on.
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (6 May 2010):
I agree with the below.
You've really got to be strong and let this one go. There will come points in your life, where you have to make difficult decisions, knowing that in the greater scheme of things, it is in your best interest. This is one of those points.
I think you know yourself that deep down, this guy is not your "happily ever after" but still you are clinging to it because you don't know what else to do and just want to be loved and happy. You have a choice. Want more from your life, more from your relationships and more from a boyfriend. You are at such a great age in your life when you should have having so much fun enjoying the beginning of being an independent adult, you shouldn't be wasting it by going through much emotional pain that can only possibly end up badly.
Ditch the boy, and focus your attention to university, making friends and having lots of fun. You'll look back on it and see it as one of the best decisions you ever made. Summer is coming up, make the most of it!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Well, you did say that when you met him in October it became very intense very quickly, and he ended up living with you. That's only been seven months. It points up just why it is worthwhile to take your time in getting to know someone before deciding to move in together.
Second, you decided to start reading his texts, when you heard him tell you (and her) that he really liked his ex. You say the two of you got through that - but apparently it didn't really get resolved because you continued to snoop.
You do have serious trust issues with this man - but he has reason to have the same issues with you, you know!
Not that I'm trying to excuse him.
Anyway, as Caring Guy has said, he will be seeing a lot of his ex over the summer. You cannot prevent him from seeing her, and fretting and worrying about it won't help you either.
Sorry to say it, but obviously his feelings for her are stronger than what he has going with you - despite the fact that he and you were so much into one another when you first met (and remember: when a new relationship starts out hot and heavy in the very beginning, it can burn out just as fast).
No, the way to get peace of mind is to recognize all this; learn from it and move on.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (6 May 2010):
 It's comin' straight atcha, girl! There's one, highly predictable next step in the making and from what you say, you already know what that is. I think I'd put it all out there. Tell him you've read the texting on the wall, so to speak and you're unwilling to see what's next. Tell him once he has all his so-claimed former loose ends tied up, then see about looking you up. Your peace of mind will return once you've gotten rid of Mr. Duplicity. I doubt this guy will ever be trustworthy, honestly.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (6 May 2010):
 When you don't trust someone.
end it
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 May 2010):
This relationship has completely fallen apart, and I don't think there's any way back. Apart from that, I'm not even sure that you should be with him. He's already admitted that he likes her, and he's told her that. He's also flirting with her far too much for a man who should be reassuring you, and to top it off he's going to be seeing her a lot, and not fixing what he has with you. Those are all very good reasons to end it here and move on from him. If you don't, you'll be the one who ends up getting hurt. Not anyone else.
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