A
female
age
30-35,
*arenival
writes:i'm in an age gap relationship, and there's one thing that has been an annoyance in that. everythings great, but i keep bumping into small things that make me realize our 19 year difference, and how much he has been through in love. im 18, hes 37. weve been together for almost a year, and it's really really great. i was googling his ex wife's name, not out of jealousy.. my actual intention was to see if i could find her art online, because i knew she did art.. but i found into their wedding photos. i know it means nothing to him anymore, but he just seemed so happy... also, on facebook, he has photos of him with his exes, and i keep bumping into them, feeling bad. i've even bumped into one of his exes on a porn site. i'm feeling so NEW, and so young... i've discussed this with him (not the wedding photos, as i just found them) but discussing it any further doesn't seem to solve anything. i know he has a past, everyone does... but he has a big past.. it's harder to know hes loved so many people (many of them being bad exes), than knowing hes had sex with many people. i know i'm #1... but its hard to see him with so many other #1s in other parts of his life.how do i get over it? am i being neurotic in my behavior, always "bumping into" this kind of thing? i feel like the only way to not go on his facebook page, or anything.. but it's so hard for me... i don't know what i should do.
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ex-wife, facebook, his ex, jealous, porn, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (20 April 2010):
Wow, you keep digging in a minefield and are surprised when you find explosives... how odd... QUIT digging and get over it... if you keep it up you're going to work yourself up to a state where you can't forget. He LOVES you, he's committed to YOU... GET OVER IT!
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 I can understand where you are coming from as I am 24 and with a 41 year old guy who has been married for a brief time, a couple of years before he met me and also has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. From time to time he mentions his ex wife and I know he really loved her, but she left him.I think the thing to remember is that these women are his exes for a reason. Things didn't work out and now they are a thing of the past and you are his girlfriend now. I understand how you feel. It is hard being with someone who has such a past when you are young and have not experienced as many long term relationships. I do sometimes wonder how much I really mean to him when he's told me of many things that happened with different girlfriends in his life and I sometimes feel a little jealous, especially of his sexual adventures because he now is less interested in such adventures as he's done them before. I secretly despise those women for having those experiences with the man I love :( Which ain't a good feeling to have.He showed me a pic he found of his ex wife the other day, laughing, she was naked with her bum towards the camera. I wish I hadnt seen it now because I have now wondered about what their relationship was like and how she must have been more confident than be to be photographed naked and was she more fun than me, did he love her more etc etc and frankly I don't need these thoughts!This is not a happy path to go down and you will only bring yourself pain if you continue to think about all his exs and try not to go looking for things to do with his exs online. I really wouldn't want to see my boyfriends wedding photos. That was his past and I respect that. He is a different person now and you don't want to bring yourself more heartache than you need.Try to focus on your life together now. Your man is a lot older than you and he is bound to have a past. Just tell yourself this has made him the man you love today and remember, none of those women were the right girl for him or he'd still be with them!Hope this helps :) If ya wanna chat more about it u can mail me.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 April 2010):
 I'm sorry, but facts are facts, after all. He IS a lot older than you, and it would be quite surprising if he hadn't been married at one time, and had a number of different girlfriends since being divorced. It's something you'll just have to learn to accept, if you can, if you want to continue your relationship and for it to be a good one.
It would be a good idea to leave his facebook page well enough alone. Googling his ex-wife's name even if only to see her art online (but are you absolutely sure there wasn't just a teeny bit of jealousy in your mind?) serves no good purpose, and just "stirs the pot" of things to trouble yourself with. What on earth were you doing poking around on a porn site for anyway?
If you find after you give up tracking his past that you still find it difficult to deal with the thought of all his ex's, you might have to call it a day, and finish with him.
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