A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was introduced to someone that I felt no real cemistry for and tried to see if anything would develop as far as feelings go. We hve had sex but I just don't think she is my type at all and I try to see if feelings can develop but I don't think that I am attracted to her and this bothers me because she is a lovely lady who has fallen for me and I don't want to see her hurt. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2010):
 How can she not be hurt ?
You had sex with her, and she must be assuming that you were phisically attracted to her. It's not delusional to assume that about people that want sex with you.
don't string her along anyway, the more you wait the worse it will be.
Don't mention that this is about her looks or body shape ,though. Just tell her that unluckily you feel is not gonna work between you.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 May 2010):
 The fact that you had sex with her even though you say you are not attracted to her makes things more complicated.
She may well have thought that because you slept with her you found her desirable physically - and possibly emotionally too. In fairness, I have to say that it is much easier for a man to have sex with a woman he doesn't find attractive.
It is not right to keep seeing her when you really don't want to. There is no way you can distance yourself without hurting her, unfortunately.
You could try: 1) stop phoning, texting or emailing her. She MIGHT get in touch with you after no contact and ask what's going on and then you can tell her, as gently as possible, and with profound apologies, that nice as she is, you just don't think the two of you are a match. Her response may be one of several: icy silence; anger; or stunned disbelief. Or tears. It won't be easy.
On the other hand, if you just stop all contact with her, and if she should call and invite you to lunch or dinner, a movie, whatever, you just say, sorry, I'm busy that day. If she persists and tries again, you respond with "sorry, busy"
But if you don't call her again, she MAY simply "get the message" that you are not interested and maybe not even bother to try to get in touch with you.
The final choice you have is to invite her out for a nice lunch somewhere quiet and break it to her gently over a meal and a glass of wine. She'll be surprised and hurt, disappointed maybe, but at least you are being honest yet kind. POSSIBLY she could surprise you by replying that she doesn't think you're a match, either. (this last is a long shot, admittedly).
Hope this is useful.
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