| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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My mentally ill sister is preventing me from having a relationship with my parents
Q. Hi everyone, I desperately need some advice, please please help me. My sister is mentally ill. Has been for over a decade. Her mental illness, which my parents have, till this day, chosen not to acknowledge, has destroyed my family. For the p...
A. 1 November 2014: I think someone jumped the gun there and read a lot more into what I was writing than what actually stood there. Being mentally well IS a blessing, it's not something I say to judge. Nor did I say one is not allowed to feel anger or be upset by ... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much from him --- drinking and sexual abuse
Q. Sorry this is so long. I hope someone takes the time to read it. I've been recently dealing with some guilt involving my relationship with my fiance. We have an awesome relationship first of all. I know we are meant to be together and we talk abo...
A. 1 November 2014: And pardon the typoes, on my phone and cant seem to hit the right buttons...... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much from him --- drinking and sexual abuse
Q. Sorry this is so long. I hope someone takes the time to read it. I've been recently dealing with some guilt involving my relationship with my fiance. We have an awesome relationship first of all. I know we are meant to be together and we talk abo...
A. 1 November 2014: Dear poster. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. I am sorry to have to inform you of this sad news. But the sooner you realize this is an adfiction, the sooner you and him can star to make changes for his recovery.
If he chooses booze over you (you... (read in full...)
Normal for boyfriend to watch shemale porn ?
Q. I recently discovered on my boyfriends computer history that he has been watching shemale porn. To be honest I'm very disturbed by it , it had like ladyboy asain boys and guys with girls too but the girls wore strap ons. He had other porn like teen ...
A. 1 November 2014: No no no. What you watch to masturbate/your fantasies are NOT identical with what you want in real life. Maybe he is bi or straight or whatever, but how does that matter??? Hes with you, faithful, so why so scared if what he likes to IMAGINE? Its ... (read in full...)
We've been playing cat and mouse for months. How do I tell him I like him?
Q. Hi, how do I let a guy know i like him? He is a good bit older than me and I know Bim from work. At first he was always looking at me, then he started helping me out all the time then subtle flirting. The problem is how we know each other if he made ...
A. 1 November 2014: Woman, make the move yourself! ... (read in full...)
We're moving fast should I ask him for space?
Q. Me and this guy have been speaking throughout this past summer via text. Hes funny and charming but hes quite flakey. We finally took things one step further and now we are dating but not official. The flakiness however is really making the spark ...
A. 31 October 2014: Ditch him already. If hes already making you cry then wake up... Hes not worth it! Cut him loose and move on to better men.... (read in full...)
My mentally ill sister is preventing me from having a relationship with my parents
Q. Hi everyone, I desperately need some advice, please please help me. My sister is mentally ill. Has been for over a decade. Her mental illness, which my parents have, till this day, chosen not to acknowledge, has destroyed my family. For the p...
A. 31 October 2014: Sorry that this will be a short reply, unfortunately I do not have time to write more. But I wanted to say that you sister has not won. You have. You have the chance and opportunity to make something of yourself, connect with another person and ... (read in full...)
He wants to live with us and I don't want him to think it's a free ride
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. I guess I need some advice from strangers purely because everyone who knows me or my boyfriend seem to be giving their opinion based on how things were between us before. We have a four year old son, and he wasn't plan...
A. 30 October 2014: You need a proper talk with him about your concerns, and tell him hiw it needs to be if this will work. Talk together as adults. This can be resolved, but you need to be clear about your expectations. So does he. Talk about the concerns, ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be superficial, and I know the problem can be fixed ...
Q. Hey everyone......There is this guy I have been seeing for a month now.he is a great guy and I like him.but I can't stand his lips.we haven't kissed yet and it's all because his lips gross me out.he has a habit of chewing his lips which is an ...
A. 30 October 2014: I know what you mean. Dry lips with dead skin hanging on them are such a turn off, and I really wonder if the persons who walk around with such lips KNOW how off-putting it is? They just don't care?
You're less shallow than I am, because I would ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I'd rather have a piece of jewellery than chocolates as a present, and not sound ungrateful?
Q. So, on my birthday my boyfriend (of about 9 months) bought me chocolates, along with taking me out for dinner and dessert. I enjoyed it, afterwards we spent some time together on the beach and I acknowledge he did spend a fair amount of money on...
A. 29 October 2014: Ungrateful. Give him a wishing list, if you are so specific about what you want. Dont assume his gift was last minute, just because its not what you would get him/choose for yourself.... (read in full...)
My Dad has told me he's disowning me for spending the night with my Bf. Feel incredibly hurt. What can I do?
Q. I'm sorry if this post is lengthy and/or complicated. I'm 19 years old, and ever since I turned 18, I've been having more and more issues with my dad. My parents are divorced, and are very different from each other. My dad is very overprotecti...
A. 28 October 2014: Here's my advice: if he cuts you out of his life then GOOD RIDDANCE. Yes it hurts, yes it sucks, but he's not right in the head, he never will be, and he will never accept you the way he as a father should accept you. He holds you to an unrealistic ... (read in full...)
Trying to process my 60 year old mother's cavallier attitude to taking a married lover. How do I deal with this?
Q. I'm having some issues with my mother right now. She called me tonight to get my opinion on if I would be okay with her sleeping with a man a few years older than me. I told her I didn't care about the age factor. Then I commented that a...
A. 27 October 2014: Yeah, I would lose some respect for your mom as well. Then again, she is who she is, and she's family, not a friend, so it doesn't really matter if you respect her or not. She's still your mom and you have only one mom in life.
My mother also too... (read in full...)
Online dating - need some advice on how to proceed? What sort of photo would be most suitable to send to her?
Q. OK, so I've been talking online to this woman for a month and a half now, she's who she says she is (sent me an email from her own personal domain). She's kind and seems like a good person, lives about an hour from me by road. However, now she's as...
A. 26 October 2014: Any picture where you are appropriately dressed, see your face clearly, and smile. No pictures looking up your nose or in your pj's, and have a nice background!! No toilet pics please...
As for who to tell? Dont understand, what to you want to ... (read in full...)
Will my Bf care that I lack close friends? Been studying and establishing a career.
Q. I've always been an independent person but I'm wondering if my boyfriend would be concerned that I have no close friends. I graduated this spring and have been working since. I enjoy my job which mainly involves communicating with customers an...
A. 26 October 2014: No, he wont care. And after just a few months of dating it is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too soon to be worried about not having a brides maid... You and him should be dating for at least 18 months before you even think about marriage. And in that time, wh... (read in full...)
Why has he turned off sex, with me, yet initially he was enthusiastic?
Q. Good day everyone!! Im in need of some advice. Im a healthy 36 yr old woman who is engaged to a 32 yr old man that I of course love to death. We have been together for just over 2 years now. And sad to say already having problems in the bedroom. W...
A. 26 October 2014: He is honest with you. He just doesnt want sex that much. Its got nothing to do with you.. Its different sex drives. You said he was a man whore before, so maybe he never experienced a long term relationship before, and didnt even know himself that ... (read in full...)
I really like this boy but I'm 14 and he's 12. I'm worried what people will think
Q. I have recently meet a boy a couple months ago and I really like him. The moment we started taking we instantly clicked and I feel like I've know him my whole life, I've never meet anyone like him and I feel as though I could tell him anything. The ...
A. 25 October 2014: Sorry, but you just have to give this boy up. At your age, the only appropriate thing is to date someone your own age. Even a boys a year younger will be considered too young for you, probably. Even when he's 16, and you 18, the difference will be ... (read in full...)
Is chocolate syrup safe to use with condoms?
Q. For years I have used chocolate syrup on condoms to make them more palatable for girls who don't like the taste of latex in those situations where one of us (or both of us) insist on using a condom for oral sex. It seems to serve the purpose. ...
A. 25 October 2014: Blah, flavored condoms still taste latex. Not a big fan. If they don't want to give you a bj without you wearing a condom, I assume these are one night stands, or maybe you have several FWB's going on? Anyway, I suppose the reason is to not get ... (read in full...)
Did hiring a escort make me look bad?
Q. I'm doing an update since my post "I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?" (I'm 28 now)and have not post anything for few months. Well I hired a escort and done the deed, and I can my experience was not bad as ...
A. 25 October 2014: @WhenCowsAttack, do you really think that supporting the sex industry is better than a "poor" man staying a virgin until he gets a proper girlfriend? Or just finds a casual hook-up? You know, him being a virgin wasn't doing him any harm. Being a ... (read in full...)
Did hiring a escort make me look bad?
Q. I'm doing an update since my post "I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?" (I'm 28 now)and have not post anything for few months. Well I hired a escort and done the deed, and I can my experience was not bad as ...
A. 25 October 2014: Why does it matter to this post that she was a "mix" of Dutch and German? I don't see how classifying people is relevant. I don't see how telling us the cost of your prostitute is relevant either. Yes, going to a prostitute makes you look bad. ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my boyfriend will cheat while he is on vacation
Q. My boyfriend is going on a three week trip to a different country. I'm not going because a) I don't have the funds and b) it's during the holidays and I want to stay with my family. He's going with his sister and a bunch of friends. Most of the fr...
A. 24 October 2014: Your ex is not your boyfriend. That's your new mantra now. Repeat it each and every single time these negative thoughts come creeping.
Loving someone, and having a relationship, involves the risk of having your heart stomped on. You take that ris... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend I'm planning a future with already has a girlfriend
Q. Hi I wouldn't usually ask questions on sites like this but I really need some advice-not even really advice but maybe to make me feel better :/. I recently met a guy online who is a technician in the army, he is based about an hour from me,he's 27, ...
A. 24 October 2014: My first instinct is to go ballastic on this guy so you wont take him back. Because I know that heart broken girls often end up going back to the dicks who will only just keep hurting them... Because they "love him". So lets get that out of the ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be mad at her for reading my diary?
Q. So i have this friend who i was really close to but now she has done something that i don't think i can forgive her for. We are both holiday reps working abroad and for the last six months we have shared an apartment. She has always been my best ...
A. 23 October 2014: Be mad at her. And, if I were you, I'd just drop her and freeze her out. For at least 6 months. Unless I got a heartfelt apology. Loyalty is EVERYTHING to me in a friendship, and this was betrayal. Ergo, friendship is dead. To me, anyway. I don't ... (read in full...)
How do I accept that I'm in a sexless relationship?
Q. It bothers me when my guy watches porn and gets himself off. Why? Because he will do it just before I get home, right after I leave, when he thinks I'm sleeping and I am always ready and willing. In the last 5 months we have had sex 5 times. I've ...
A. 22 October 2014: But why do you need to accept it? Are you bound to him by law, stating you are not allowed to leave?
I think the more relevant question is: are you getting what you want and need out of this relationship? And if the answer is no, then the next... (read in full...)
I'm just not feeling it for him. He should be perfect for me but I'm not feeling a connection or a spark.
Q. Is it normal to date someone and not be in love with them? And if you are not in love with someone, is likely to change? I've been seeing someone for about a month who should be perfect for me. I did meet him on a dating website--the onl...
A. 22 October 2014: His smell is a giveaway. Maybe it simply is the perfume he wears, but most likely its his natural smell you don't like. Perfume works together with a persons natural smell. If you liked how he smelled, the perfume would (ideally) just work to ... (read in full...)
Is it shallow to want to break up with someone because they lack intelligence?
Q. It's is shallow to want to break up with someone because they lack intelligence? I'm having a hard time being in this relationship because my boyfriend's lack of intelligence and common sense. His decision making is poor, and his mental capacity is ...
A. 21 October 2014: Its a compatibility thing. Intelligent people are not compatible with the dumb. It's not shallow at all, it's just how things are.
I dated a dumb man some years ago. It got to me too. I just didn't respect him at all in the end. He was like a 5... (read in full...)
Is it okay for my girlfriend to sleep in another guy's bed?
Q. I just recently started dating someone new and she has had a lot of friends that are guys most of which state she's hooked up with or has had sex with in the past two weeks ago she slept over at her friends house which was a guy in the same bed and ...
A. 21 October 2014: You know, these things vary. You can't say that things should be one way or the other just because you think this is how everyone else does it. What WE think about it, and how OUR relationships are, have absolutely NOTHING to do with yours!!!
... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to think that the way he wants to share expenses and chores is unreasonable?
Q. I am with my boyfriend a little over a year, and I moved into his appartment about a month ago., I am writing it to hear some opinions if I am mistaken on having these thoughts, but the whole situation started bothering me from the very beginnin...
A. 17 October 2014: I think you are right in your final sentence. This would worry me too, and I do not see myself having to live a lifetime of this . Of I were you I would probably stick around just long enough for things to escalate (because they will) and then ... (read in full...)
As an adult do you discuss your sex life with your parents?
Q. As adults, do you discuss any of the details of your sex life with either (or both) of your parents? Is it normal for a parent to want to know about your sex life? I am 23 years old. I recently started dating a new guy exclusively a few weeks ago,...
A. 16 October 2014: You have the right to not discuss your sex life with her. Stick to it. If she gets upset then explain to her why you dont want to discuss it. She is your mom, not a girl friend. Besides, not all girlfriends talk about this with one another...... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my daughter never having a family
Q. My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...
A. 15 October 2014: Anon female, if you're going to start picking fights with me on my advice, at least get a nickname and be identified, or else keep your advice to the question of the OP instead of picking on mine. But since I already started getting back to you: ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my daughter never having a family
Q. My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...
A. 15 October 2014: You know, it's not really your place to worry about this for her. That's up to her, her life and how she chooses to live her life, after all. There is nothing wrong with what she does, and if having a family isn't that important to her, at least not ... (read in full...)
How can I look thinner, feel thinner, and have my clothes fit better, yet still weigh the same thing?
Q. I have some questions about weight. I was on a medication that I thought was causing me weight gain. (You'll find out why I said 'thought' when you read the rest). My stomach was looking bloated, and my legs were getting rather celluity. I'm 5'6", ...
A. 15 October 2014: I was wondering the same. I weight the same as I did 10 years ago, yet my pants size is bigger than before. Before I was about a 38 (Norwegian sizes) and now I am a 40. My shoe size went up as well, weirdly enough. But anyway, my butt or hips must ... (read in full...)
Is this really a ''Guy thing,'' as my fiance implies? His remarks upset me.
Q. My question is for guys. When you're in a serious relationship do you look at girls and think in your head if you could get with them, or not, if you were single? My fiance and I have a baby together and we went out to lunch near his work and he s...
A. 14 October 2014: Its not a guy-thing, it's a thing HE does. There are women who do the same. But not all guys do this, and not all women do this. Anyway, poor manners can't be excused as acceptable just because he knows someone else who also shows poor manners...
... (read in full...)
My partner looks at other women whenever we go out. It makes me feel insecure. How do I handle this?
Q. Hi I'm a fourth eight year old woman with two marriages behind me. I am currently living with a man who's six years younger who has also came out of a marriage 5years ago but through his years being single or married he watched a lot of hard-cor...
A. 14 October 2014: Stop going out with him. He's got a wandering eye, this will not change no matter how you look. Because it's not about you. Its him and who he is. Can't stand it? Then don't! Just stop going out with him or spending time with him when there will be ... (read in full...)
My husband says he's cool with me having relations with other women. How have others handled a similar situation as this?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have had many ups and downs but despite these we are still together and communicate with one another very openly and honestly. Lately things have been a bit rubbish and he hasn't been very attracte...
A. 14 October 2014: No, you do not gave to give him the same opportunity. He did not request it. Talk to him about it, be honest that you do not want him to have ithers. If he still wants you to have other women, and you want it to, I say go for it. But if at one point ... (read in full...)
It's taken me four years, a nearly broken engagement, and me making out with another guy to realize that I want to give my fiance his ultimate fantasy: two girls giving him a blow job at the same time
Q. First, a little background that could help with any advice givings. I ask that no one judges my actions as I already know that I screwed up and believe me, I am working hard to better everything again. My fiance has only ever been with one woman ...
A. 12 October 2014: I say go for it. It's not like things can get worse, and the way I see it, you've come to the point of either all or nothing. Go all the way, try everything imaginable to "fix" this relationship. See if it can float again. Maybe it will. But if you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he's not sexually attracted to me because I put to much pressure on him
Q. I'm 23 and my bf who is 27 won't have sex or even make out with me. we were both each other's first, and we've been going out for almost 2 1/2 years. The few times that we have "had sex" were only mins long because something would interrupt us and ...
A. 12 October 2014: He just doesn't like sex, thats the truth. Its got nothing to do with "pressure" or whatever excuse he makes up. Its just that guys are "supposed" to want sex, or so they are often displayed in movies and tv-shows, and so they talk amongst one ... (read in full...)
Why are girls getting naked for their tattoo sessions with my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months is a tattoo artist and I have noticed that some girls like to be naked for their tattoo appointment, and even if the design is being placed on their lower back they want to take their pants off, which I don’t quite ...
A. 12 October 2014: I think you are over-reacting. I also dont think women get undressed more than they feel is necessary, and you are imagining things. Also, you assume a lot. Why would he get turned on by these women? It's not like a guy gets turned on by all women ... (read in full...)
Recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Will this spell doom for my career aspirations?
Q. At the age of 24, 5 years into my degree qualifications at a top university, I have just recieved the devastating news that I have Aspergers Syndrome. I am very intelligent and hardworking but after getting fired for the 3rd time I went to see a ...
A. 12 October 2014: You can not blame yourself, and no one else does either. You didn't mislead anyone, nor did you rake away any hopes. You are who you are. Look, having the diagnosis now is a GOOD thing. You have ALWAYS been who you are, and you are still just ... (read in full...)
Is my request for her not to speak to him unreasonable?
Q. Ok. a few months back i posted a thread where my girlfriend had went to stay with her male best friend for a while and he'd declared his love for her etc etc she never told me about him telling her he loved her until a few weeks after it happene...
A. 11 October 2014: She continues to play you. After 7 years, she is bored and done with you. She stays because it is convenient. You mentioned you pay her way through school. She has shown you she has no loyalty to you. She can tell you sorry, and pretend to have ... (read in full...)
Worried over my boyfriend's relationship with his girl best friend
Q. I just started dating a guy who's in his early 20's as well. He has a best friend whom he befriended for just over a year, who's a girl, who's his ex-housemate and someone who he was attracted to. The girl and I happen to stay in the same town. He ...
A. 11 October 2014: You just started dating? Yet you claim you love him already? Sounds like you are rushing things. I dont find it odd at all that he visits his friend for the whole day and not see you while hes at hers. Did you and him have plans? No. So why should ... (read in full...)
I'm looking for some insight. Why does he stay in his relationship if he is not fully satisfied?
Q. I am friends with a guy with whom I have a strong attraction. He feels the same but the problem is that he is already in a relationship for more than 7 years. He confesses that sometimes he gets bored and needs something new in his life now and ...
A. 10 October 2014: Because he is satisfied enough, like he told you. But let me make a few things clear to you: he is NOT your friend. He wants to use you for sex. Use him for an ego boost, if you want, but do not be naive. He is not your friend. Also, he is a ... (read in full...)
He moved in and I feel trapped! How do I handle this situation?
Q. My bf and I started dating about 4 months ago. We were in a LDR where we would see each other one weekend a month (we had a previous long distance friendship for about a year). One month ago he came to visit me... and since he has gotten a job in ...
A. 9 October 2014: You NEED to tell him, and be firm. In my experience, women too often sit and hint at the man, or simply expect him to read her mind. Men never do. They don't read minds, and they don't take a hint. They don't remember simple stuff you told them once ... (read in full...)
She's exactly my type and we have had fun talking about stuff and joking around, but I can't help feeling like she's not all that into it. What do I do?
Q. I recently moved to a nee city and a new country. Since I don't know many people here, I decided to give online dating a try. I didn't have a lot of success at first but about 10 days ago I came across the profile of an absolutely gorgeous girl who ...
A. 9 October 2014: Oh, and don't wait until she gets back to ask her out. When I was online dating I was going away for a week. I had met with a guy two times prior to going away. I heard nothing from him at all during the week I was in another city, and then I just ... (read in full...)
She's exactly my type and we have had fun talking about stuff and joking around, but I can't help feeling like she's not all that into it. What do I do?
Q. I recently moved to a nee city and a new country. Since I don't know many people here, I decided to give online dating a try. I didn't have a lot of success at first but about 10 days ago I came across the profile of an absolutely gorgeous girl who ...
A. 9 October 2014: You ask her out! We girls get very quickly booooored by guys online who take forever to ask us out. It's like, what are you waiting for?? She already responded, which she says she rarely does unless she actually thinks there might be something ... (read in full...)
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